to not want DP to go on this stag do?

[thatspanishgirl]

Just need some outside opinions, please.

DP's best friend is getting married and they've decided to have a holiday instead of the normal night down the bar. This is sort of a tradition with their group of friends - any time one gets married they all take a 3 or 4 day break to Spain or somewhere similar. I've never had a problem with this - DP works hard and deserves a few days away.

But, DP's BF has decided that 4 days isn't long enough obviously and they need to go away for two weeks! I'm not happy with this as the holiday will be at the end of January - when, praying all is well, we will have a 4 week old baby.

DP doesn't see this as a problem as he will be here for the birth, the first couple of weeks and "after all, they don't really do much at that age, do they?" Well no maybe they don't but I would still like him here, with us, spending our first couple of months as a family.

Added to this, they're going to Turkey this year so if anything was to go wrong then he'd be a 5 and a half hour flight away. Of course he reckons this isn't a problem and he can get home asap if needed.

What do you think?

My DD was two weeks late, then induced for ever three days, then a day of labour, then a CS. In all, almost three weeks late she was jaundiced and we spent almost another week in hospital. All quite boringly normal. If DH had been leaving on a jolly a couple of days after I left hospital I would have kept his bollocks and the rest of him could have gone I would not have been happy. Besides the obvious piss taking to you, what about the baby? DH is incredibly close to DD and I'm sure some of that is the very close time they had after the birth.

Isn't it bloody sad that the OP's partner needs to be told that this is out of order.

He needs a kick up the arse.

YANBU - and I know DH, even if he had thought it was a good idea in the first place and I had agreed to it would still never have left DS at four weeks. He used to send me plaintive texts when he went back to work because he missed us so much during the work day, so a fortnight would have about killed him.

YANBU. Not in the least. It's not fair to expect you to shoulder all the responsibility and hard work of having a newborn for that length of time. And what if you are overdue? Have to have an emc? the baby is not a good sleeper? Not to mention about a hundred other variables that makes it really shitty and selfish of him to even consider this. Why can't he get an early flight home after 3-4 days? Put your foot down on this one, I'd say.

p.s. is it your first? If it is, I'm guessing he's completely underestimating hoe he'll feel about leaving you and bubs for that length of time. If it isn't, it almost makes him more of a selfish git because he should know how full on it is parenting a newborn.

YANBU - I've not read all the other responses but surely this is unanimous?

He's being a complete arse for even suggesting it would be ok. I don't get the whole idea of having a holiday for a stag do (even the 3/4 night ones) - what happened to a pub crawl leading the local curry house at 3 in the morning?

Maybe I'm just getting old

Oh wow. Thank you for all the posts, really.

DP should be home from work soon so we can sit down and have a proper talk about this. I thought maybe I was just hormonal and over-reacting so thank you for convincing me I'm not losing it just yet!

There were some great points raised on here that I said in a previous post I hadn't even thought of and I'll definitely have them on hand.

Is it too early to offer you all some as a thank you?

Pursang, yes it's our first :)

yanbu, your DP does know that the baby could be late doesn't he?

2 Weeks in Turkey for a Stag do. And a 2 week old baby. Good lord.....

Good luck OP. Hopefully your DP has a massive change of heart.

If not, send him our way

I keep getting drawn back to this thread. Unbelievable!

I still want to know what he is going to find to do for TWO WHOLE WEEKS in a freezing cold, out of season resort that will have shutters up everywhere.

thenightsky, I have absolutely no idea. A friend who has been there says that it doesn't all shut up as there are still people living there so they will have bars etc. I expect that's all they'll do, drink.

Why on earth he'd rather do this than spend time with our baby I'll never know.

He shouldn't want to leave his brand new family. Even before the baby arrives and he finds out what it's all about, he shouldn't want to. This is really sad .

Sorry if its already been mentioned, can I ask how long he is planning to have off for paternity leave?

apologies if this has already been covered, but what about work? Is he taking leave when the baby's born? Can't think many employers would be happy with 4 weeks off in one go...and unless you're richer than god it's a lot of money to piss up the wall when you've just had a baby.

He shouldn't even be considering going for the whole fortnight, maybe the middle weekend (but even so!). If he insists, then you must insist that he gets you support, there are doulas who will help you with baby and do some cooking/cleaning for you.

I really hope he sees sense! He is being a reet nobber.

x post amberleaf!

If he isn't planning to take any paternity leave, why the eff not?

Another YAdefNBU to add to the huge list.

I'll be very interested to see the outcome of this, tbh.

It's been a long time since I've heard of such an utterly selfish request - and I'm one of those women who really doesn't care about her partner going away or whatever.

I'm actually astounded. Good lord.

This is one of the most unreasonable things I think I've heard on AIBU (him, obviously)

Has he thought two weeks paternity leave = two weeks stag do?

Totally agree with everyone who'd questioning the 2 week thing too? How an Earth can anyone with a family have 2 weeks leave to do something not related to childcare/family, 2 days but no way 2 weeks??? i had to point this out to dh when he gaily agreed to go on a 4 day snow boarding break next year with his mate...he will use 2 days of leave. he works for himself as a contractor so he doesn't get paid for the days he doesn't work. All my al is used on half term, school holidays, I get the occasional TOIL day for myself....that's it. 2 weeks is ludicrous.

Awful. He should not want to leave you or your baby at all, in my opinion. He should be supporting you and getting to know his precious baby.

Put your foot down OP. It's a bloody stag do- hardly life or death- there is absolutely no need for him to go. Frankly, he needs to grow up.

I am hiding this thread in case DH sees it. I'm still reeling in the brownie points for not kicking up a fuss about DH going to a gig one night and then a full day away at a football match a few days later, when DD was about a month old. She's now 25. No, not really, she's ten months, but the point stands.

I have never typed this with more conviction...YANBU!

This is just incredible. I am

I do wondervwhether he might feel different,y when the baby arrives by he way. I know some men find it difficult to get there head round quite how much they'll want to be with the baby when it arrives, how much they'll changecin two weeks, and that it really is life changing stuff!

OP, maybe show him this thread!