To think my DH won't actually need 24 hours "bedrest" after a vasectomy

[libbyssister]

I mean, REALLY?! I don't remember bedrest after the birth of any of our 3 DC. Is there any medical reason for this? He's shown me the letter from the clinic and it's there in black and white. But I find it hard to believe....

My DH had bollocks like a pair of aubergines after his first vasectomy.

He took it fairly easy the first day - snoozing on the sofa, no kids jumping on him etc but woke up the next day like a man riding a buffalo.

He then got an infection, was hugely swollen and in a lot of pain. And my DH is a pretty rufty-tufty military man, he doesn't do pain so for him to lie in bed zonked on co-codamol is rare.

Oh and when I worked in Day Surgery I used to do the Vas Clinics - trust me when I say the small incision on the outside doesn't correlate to what went on inside.

There is Lots of Rummaging...

You can think what you like but YABU to say anything.

If you had an operation and the doctors recommended bedrest, would you appreciate someone (who didn't even possess the bosy parts being operated on) saying "you don't need bedrest, it's not that big a deal"?

Why don't you get sterilised instead then. You have the bed rest after the surgery.

There is Lots of Rummaging...

Oh yes, especially if there is lots of scar tissue from rugby injuries - makes dh feel quite queasy remembering how the surgeon had difficulty trying to cut through it even now 9 years on!

DH had a 'it's not an illness' attitude to my pregnancy & birth. The Health Visitor reinforced this when pre-birth she said that as DH had work I should always get up for the baby in the night. DH took that literally, used all his parental leave for major DIY rather then 'wasting ' it on childcare or shopping. Six months down the line I was completely broken.

So YANBU OP, but as you plump the pillows up use it as a chance to remind him of how much you understand how it hurts, especially since you'd been awake for 48 hours/could only wee in a bath/doing the washing up with so many pads on your feet were a metre apart.

Post birth my mother and grandmother were confined to bed for a week/ten days, I think it's gone a bit far the other way today and now, after a disturbed nights sleep you are expected to be cooking, cleaning and runniing around after toddlers. That's why it's a shock when you see the guidelines for recovery after even minor operations.

DH did rest for 24 hours and still ended up swollen and in agony, our GP couldn't believe the consultant had told him he'd be fine to go to work on the Monday, after being snipped on the Friday.
He was off work for 10 days and had a funny walk for a month.

It's not always the very minor op it's touted as.

I am really, REALLY not liking the word "rummaging" today.

My hubby is a plumber/gas engineer. He was advised to not work for about 4 days. He had it on the Thursday and returned to work on the Tuesday. He still had problems sitting comfortably and driving. So his dad drive him about. TBH it took about 10 days for him to feel "normal" again.

YABU

And very unkind.

OP You are about as qualified to guess how much it will hurt and how he will feel afterwards as he and I are to make the same guess about childbirth.

YABU and I think you know it.

It must be down to the surgeon as to how you recover after the op: I had it done on a Friday evening had the weekend off , no laying in bed , back to work on Monday with hardly any discomfort. It's only a tiny incision they make to snip and tie the tubes.

OP YAB totally U (i've not read past the first page so you might hopefully agree by now)

If your DH posted on here saying 'DW has had our 1st/2nd/3rd DC yesterday and she's just asked me to get her a brew in bed/on the sofa - AIBU to tell her to naff off, I've got a houseful' he would rightly be jumped on and flamed.

Bed rest means total physical rest.

FWIW I've had 4 dcs, I don't think dh is going to ever have the snip, BUT if he did I would think that spoiling and looking after for a few days is not unreasonable. He did the same for me. And never once said 'you're resting? Really? But you've only given birth...'

Actually it's down to a multitude of things FBF and they don't tie the tubes the cut end of the vas deferens are either sewn, left open or cauterised, left open is thought to be "kinder" from a congestion and chronic long term pain pov.

DH had the number one consultant in Staffs do his, there was a fair bit of rummaging and the left tube is always more tricky than the right, even the doc doesn't know exactly why.

It also depends if you get an infection and if you are a fast healer/how good your circulation is.

My BIL was the same as you, no problems whatsoever, looking at the stats, you were the lucky ones.

It still makes me chuckle that people are still told that it only takes 20 or so ejaculations to clear out any old sperm . Again it depends on the man's physiology, the older the man, the less powerful the ejaculation and the longer it takes to clear.

OP, women don't have the monopoly on genital pain, I've seen DH on the floor with chronc orchitis and would take childbirth and a 3rd degree tear any time.

What everyone else has said... and dont think that because it is allegedly a 15 min procedure that that will be the case.

DH's took an hour and a quarter because they couldnt find one of the tubes, and there was an awful lot of rummaging. His day surgery place was next to a garden centre, so I spent 30 mins wandering, and then came back expecting to collect him - I honestly thought he might be in serious trouble because it took so long.

A day later, he was black from waist to knees, including all appendages. A vasectomy is NOT as easy as you appear to think it is. Give the poor man a break - how does it hurt you to let him sit around with his bits on an icepack for a day?

its only 24 hours on the bedrest how can you begrudge him that??? just one day! and tbh most women do take it easy for the 24 hours atleast, often you would still be in hospital 24 hours after delivery. yabu

He may or may not need the rest - didn't have 24 hours bed rest and was all quite painless I'd say. But we are all different and I guess surgeons are different too - just make sure they cut out a nice long piece of 'spaghetti' - that's what it looks like!

There is a vasectomy website with some lovely pictures of the after effects.

I bet OP has heard a couple of people say what a doddle it is and has taken it as gospel.

Hey shhh, I've just convinced DH to do this, I'm terrified he'll read over my shoulder.

For the record, if it means no more condoms or adding dates on fingers, he can rest for a month after

Too late Maryz, and yes I'm feeling a bit sick and sitting with my legs crossed reading this! Fortunately it is still a long way away, and at the moment we can't seem to conceive anyway so it is the very least of our worries!

YANBU

He doesn't need 24 hours bed rest to recover.

He needs it to realise how selfish and resentful his wife is and plan how to leave her.

Oh crap, DP is booked in to have it done in a few weeks - it doesn't sound anywhere near as quick and simple as we were told. I might talk him out of it, I don't want him to have days of pain and twinges ages afterwards