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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH won't actually need 24 hours "bedrest" after a vasectomy

196 replies

libbyssister · 24/11/2011 23:22

I mean, REALLY?! I don't remember bedrest after the birth of any of our 3 DC. Is there any medical reason for this? He's shown me the letter from the clinic and it's there in black and white. But I find it hard to believe....

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 25/11/2011 00:38

Poor bloke, you sound like a right mean old thing.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 25/11/2011 00:39

when my DH had the op, i did everything as i was 1million% grateful i that i no longer had to pump chemicals into my body, forever bleedinng ect.

Original poster
libbyssister · 25/11/2011 00:42

Is there anyone else who can offer their actual experiences of this, rather than just calling me mean, hard-hearted an unloving?

OP posts:
Kayano · 25/11/2011 00:42

Well you did post it in AIBU...

Just sayin'

Original poster
libbyssister · 25/11/2011 00:44

Right, well, I'll be off to 'Health' in that case...

OP posts:
Maryz · 25/11/2011 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 25/11/2011 00:47

hello, my husband went thought it.

we TTC i knew the risk involved, such as forceps ect, still went ahead with the preganancy....if my husband said a few hours after birth do this that and the other.....well i would of killed him

auntiepicklebottom2 · 25/11/2011 00:54

also he has supported you through 3 pregnancy = 27 months....yet you can not support him for a few day to recover from having the snip.....nice

ash6605 · 25/11/2011 00:55

I kinda had your attitude to my husbands vasectomy, til the hospital rang me to say DH had fainted TWICE during the op and was very sleepy and on his way home in a taxi! Took him over 3 days to just get over that, he was completely drained so I didn't have a choice but to let him rest! But the pain he was in was terrible, and to top it all of he got an infection. Seriously let him rest, it's not worth the risk of complications, internal bleeding etc

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/11/2011 00:57

OP... here's a novel concept - if either you or your partner feels unwell, for whatever reason, to the point of needing bedrest, it will be up to the other one to take up the slack and sort out the kids.

I think you'd be pretty miserable if your husband had come on to a forum posting as you have. You've had an easy ride really because essentially, you're behaving as if you're the boss. You aren't.

LivingDead · 25/11/2011 01:01

Oh ffs I had basically 24 hours bedrest after having a wisdom tooth out, I had the sedation and felt funky for a while after. Had c-sections for 3 children and my Dp looked after me well, I did what I felt capable of doing

24 hours for someone inserting sharp things in your privates seems pretty reasonable to me, I'm not one to fuss over people when they are ill, but any kind of operation is I think a valid excuse to lay up for at least a day.

LauraIngallsWilder · 25/11/2011 01:02

Someone I know had a vascetomy a few years ago.
He imagined he would be driving the 3 hour drive home afterwards. The nurses laughed hysterically at him :o

Obviously he did not drive home - and did look as if he was in pain even 3 days later.
Its a medical procedure and should be treated as such.

Morloth · 25/11/2011 02:24

Gosh when I had my babies DH made sure I had all the rest I needed, I barely lifted a finger for weeks.

When he has his vasectomy the same kindness will be extended, he can lie in bed for a month if he likes if it means no more condoms!

GiserableMitt · 25/11/2011 03:54

DH had it done last month. I couldn't be with him (overseas) so he had 2 hours farting about with trains to get back to his hotel.
He sat around on the bed doing work on his laptop and he said he needed to just be able to be still for a day. I wish I could have been there with him and no way did I/would I begrudge him his time resting. It took about 2-3 weeks for his wound to heal completely and he did get some pain in the first week to ten days. If I were the OP I'd be making sure he had a couple of easy days.

dancingmustard · 25/11/2011 04:16

OP you seem to be more pissed off because you'll have a houseful of children while he's in bed.
You're selfish and extremely sexist.

iscream · 25/11/2011 04:46

My dh had a vasectomy 22 yrs ago. He booked that day off work, and the next 3 days he was off anyways. He was awake but sedated with freezing when he had it done.
I had a 12 yr old and a 1 yr old at the time. I kept the 1 yr old away from him, in case of an enthusiastic pouncing or flying legs or something! He spent a bit of time in bed the first day, due to the sleepy medicine, and he was pale, but mostly sat or laid on the couch and watched tv the next few days. He said he didn't feel too uncomfortable if he stayed still. I recall ice packs, and painkillers, but no complaining. If he wanted a coffee or something he just went and got it, despite me wanting to wait on him! He doesn't like to put anyone out. Not that it would put me out to get the man a coffee! He ate his meals at the table with the rest of us. He was back at work on the 5th day after.

HairyBeaver · 25/11/2011 06:23

Your poor DH will need to rest after. My DH was sore and uncomfortable after and stock up on ice packs.

I feel really sorry for your DH having you look after him after this procedure Sad

DownbytheRiverside · 25/11/2011 06:34

Yes, I remember my macho dad having this done.
The man who walked four miles on a broken leg, had never been an in-patient overnight despite medical advice, who was the only one of his army team still fully functional at the end of a week's exercises in northern Canada.
The personification of manliness in the traditional mold.
Bedrest for 48 hours, delicate for a week.

'I'm not horrible, uncaring, hard-hearted or competitive worraliberty'

That is not how you are coming across here. My mother had 4 children with no family support and an absent husband for two of them, back in the sixties with few mod cons. She still supported him through his surgery and followed the medical advice. If we're points scoring here.

MrsJamin · 25/11/2011 06:37

DH had the snip a year ago and it bloody hurt. He showed me the letter from the health centre that said he shouldn't be doing much physically 48 hours after the op. Give the guy a break - he's going through this so you don't have to have any kind of op or go through pregnancy and childbirth again! He needs your support, it sounds like you're going to nag him to unload the dishwasher as soon as he gets home. DH was at home for a week, he said the pain was like a constant kick in the nuts. Be sympathetic! Oh and it's the best decision we've ever made, just great to know no risk of more babies and you get to continue without any hormonal interventions!

Whatmeworry · 25/11/2011 06:45

It's invasive surgery, it's only 24 hours. You are more than unreasonable, you are a fuckwit OP.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 25/11/2011 06:48

My husband had the snip years ago.

He actually drove himself home from hospital. - against the rules! He was supposed to have had someone waiting for him!

He didn't make a fuss but he was clearly in a lot of pain. He needed to rest up and I encouraged that. (we had 2 toddlers and no family at all to 'help' me, but you don't actually need that much help to manage 2 toddlers in their own home Grin)

It was fine. He just got on with it. I was very aware that he had just had his knackers sliced open and rearranged and that he really needed some tlc Grin and within a few days he was as right as rain.

I could have said that I nearly died giving birth to our first 10lb 4oz son and then 15 months later had our 10lb 5 oz son, so my undercarridge was a train wreck and therefore he should just get on with it - but he's my husband. In pain. And it really didn't matter that I also had had pain and carnage in the old nethers. It's not a competition. He was in pain and that mattered. There was no resentment or feeling of 'pull yourself together, it's only a minor op'

I treated him how he deserved to be treated, and how I know he would treat me after even a minor op. Thoughtfully.

lljkk · 25/11/2011 06:49

DH planned 2.5 days of work to drink brandy and sulk
I don't remember any advice about "bed rest", though Confused.

In the event he sat on the sofa for about an hour, and then got so bored that he cycled off to work after 36 hours. I don't even remember an ice pack making an appearance.

lljkk · 25/11/2011 06:50

off work, even (sigh)

peggyblackett · 25/11/2011 06:51

OP, you do sound rather mean tbh.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/11/2011 07:00

I think there is a degree of horrbilness on both sides here.
I fall firmly into the get a velvet cushion for the crown jewels camp here.