AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

I couldn't care less about you or your financial situation. I certainly didn't "despise" you until I read this

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

How do you KNOW what start people had in life? TBH, you sound like a bit of a snob. Oh and I am financially ok,but I have learned that

you don't look down on people unless you are helping them up

If necessary by paying a little more tax, perhaps

Unbelieveable comment!

Don't you think 40% tax is enough ffs? As well as the money that higher earners will be putting into the ecomomy just by spending it? Or the monet they save that props up the banks so that all those who take out loans then default don't ruin the economy alltogether?

we lived in a shoe box in middle t' road....

Is this a real thread??? I thought Mumsnet was the last bastion of England for us middle class self-satisfied smug twallops?

You see, Dave?

'The Big Society.'

I told you it would never work.....

Actually, I admire you, or rather, would have admired you had you not posted the above! I think what people resent, especially in a time of economic meltdown is the fact that some people who had a big hand in the mess and were then bailed out at taxpayer's expense are still getting whopping bonuses. I don't think people despise others for doing well, especially when they have dragged themselves up by their bootstraps - well done you! My DH and I have done well compared to some, we both had quite deprived upbringings and are now relatively comfortable, though not as well off as you. I find stories like yours actually quite inspiring, maybe you could give some time to schools to inspire young people and show them what they can achieve if they set their minds to it. Often it's not lack of ability but rather poor self esteem and low expectations that hold people back. But please don't assume that you're hated because you've done well - that just makes you sound arrogant and out of touch :)

ExitPursuedByaBear Thu 24-Nov-11 11:54:32
Fucking Northerners. They should all be shot.

Mum? Is that you?

"ExitPursuedByaBear Thu 24-Nov-11 11:54:32
Fucking Northerners. They should all be shot."

Sigh......

Piss off Hun.

I think the thing to remember is that it tends to be the views of the wealthy/powerful are what shape the policies and life of a country. So you are safe OP, and should probably be able to take any 'upwards' jibes. When those with money and power are jibing at those over whom they have power then that is a dangerous situation.

There are two very opposing views on MN. One being that all of those with no money/on benefits should be taken out back and disposed of.

The other being that all those with excess cash should donate it to group one with due humility or be taken out back and disposed of.

I think I know which I'd rather be on the receiving end of, so chill!

So you follow a sort of "I'm alright Jack, pull up the ladder" philosophy.

A lot of people don't like that sort of thing. They really don't you know.

You are aware that there are people in the UK who vote for left-wing parties?

I am struggling to understand your bafflement TBH.

If I am on a thread espousing my beliefs I don't feel amazingly surprised when those with different beliefs strongly disagree with me.

Amongst my friends you would be totally normal, not remarkable in any way. So in real life I don't think anyone would despise you whatsoever, if anything they might be slightly jealous.

So, why do you care about what happens on here?

elizabeth.

"I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society" Real mud? You were lucky....

I think there can be a bit of "well she's not from round here" feeling from richer people and a bit of "well she's not one of us any more" from poorer people.

Not sure about on MN though - think there are a lot of bright people from poor backgrounds... Do you show off about it? That could be the problem.

I dunno.
I kinda do think there is an atmosphere here on MN, that many posters do feel the need to denigrate anyone with money. You get told either high earners are useless wankers who get paid for going to the golf course, or they are ambitious wankers who never see their DC.
None of them should dare breathe the same air as a nurse or a fireman.

And if you send your DC to independent school...you might as well forget it. Insulterama. Either you're a complete idiot wasting your money, or you're a caniving bastard buying priviledge for your sub standard DC.

Posters constantly tell you that anything you've achieved is by way of luck...

I have never understood why people feel the need to be this way.

at Orm.

Can you hear the sound of teeth grinding? Someone will burst soon.....

I come from a 'rough northern town' I very happy here. I find it very friendly. I have no intentions of dragging myeslf out of here, thank you muchly.

I find your op to be boastful and unneccessary. No-one here looks down on anyone trying to better themselves, in fact it's quite the opposite. I have seen many posters get shed loads of practical and emotional support to help them make more of themselves.

People who boast about what they have or look down on those less fortunate are the ones who are looked down on, imo.

How many more weird threads this morning?

I don't despise people like you. I don't differenciate between people like you and people like me.

I tihnk, if you are feeling despised, you are hanging out in the wrong crouds or reading the wrong threads.

There are people in the world who don't like people who are different to them, some people are even gealous of others, but most people aren't.

Could you give an example of where you have been dispised?

Paranoid, much?

I don't despise you because I don't know you.

The rule in here is not that you get roundly swiped at if you have spare cash. You get roundly swiped at if you are a bit up your own arse

Listen to this 'much loved poster'........she speaks the truth

OP, as a one time professional (with post grad qualifications, like you natch ) who is now a SAHM and owns her own house (or two) goes on naice holidays and has her DC's in a fee paying school I'm pretty sure that I am not "hated" by MN.

I'm not sure anyone gives a shit about what I earn/do, much less begrude me any of it.

It is not the above which makes you loathsome. It is this little gem:

"But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves"

Get over yourself eh?

HTH

OP, it is a UK thing. Neither DH and I are British but have been here for over 10 years now and have noticed it. We are as stumped by it as you. It is almost like an entrepenerial spirit is a thing to be discouraged. You might get ideas above your station and all that.

But i also agree with posters upthread who suggested jealousy may also play a part.