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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

511 replies

theprodigaldaughter · 24/11/2011 11:47

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 24/11/2011 12:28

No Shirley. My dog would chew the handle and then I would have to kill him.

GypsyMoth · 24/11/2011 12:28

Hmm is this part of an invasion?

AbsofCroissant · 24/11/2011 12:28

I can see a bit why giving money who don't do anything would gall (man, i'm having to be careful about this).

There are people within society who are unable to help themselves, and it is unbelievable amazing that there is a system in the UK to support people (as imperfect as it is) and to give them housing, education, food. But, if there are people who are in need, not because of circumstances, but because they don't want to do anything - then it is a bit "oh FFS". However, none of us really know how many people/what percentage of people are actually doing this. If you read the DM it's every one and their mother, particularly forriners, whereas if you read the Grauniad no one has ever knowingly done this ever. There are people who are like this .g. I encountered someone through work who was being paid in cash for all his services so that he could
a) not pay tax
b) continue to claim JSA and
c) not have a paper trail so he didn't have to pay child maintenance.
But I wouldn't say he's every JSA claimant. He's just a prick.

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 12:29

haha! Sinical - that would be effing ACES.

A thousand pound bag, with a thousand pounds in it and a choc ice.

FellatioNelson · 24/11/2011 12:29

well you can put me down BigTilly but only if people promise not to hit me. Grin

I know what the OP means though, and it's because of wot Abs said. I think the answer is that if you have have a particularly affluenta and comfortable life then it's best to STFU about it, because you should be feeling some guilt. It's very un-British to feel proud of having earned a lot of money.

Pagwatch · 24/11/2011 12:30

You should never put a choc ice in a handbag.

Pagwatch · 24/11/2011 12:31

Or an unwrapped starburst.

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 12:31

Sad Pag. That's the thing I think. If I had a thousand pound bag it would just end up looking like a knock off after about...7 minutes of being owned by me.

Also, I would have to tell EVERYONE who even glanced at it that "THIS IS A PROPER PRADA AND IT COST 1000.00 POUNDS! I know a thousand blimming quid for a BAG! It's ain't even GOLD or nuffin!"

OrmIrian · 24/11/2011 12:32

A thousand pound handbag? That's outrageous and despicable!!!! Shock Shock Angry A poor feckless family could live in that!!!!!!

Is that what you mean OP?

SinicalSal · 24/11/2011 12:33

yy abs

I too feel annoyed at giving my hard earned money to people like that.
But what's the alternative? Let genuine claimants starve, or even feel even more ashamed at their situation.

No. Letting a few benefit fraudsters freeload is unpleasant - at best - but it's the price we pay for civilization, imo.

AbsofCroissant · 24/11/2011 12:33

Voice of experience Pag?

ExitPursuedByaBear · 24/11/2011 12:33

Disclaimer re my earlier comment - I am a Northerner. I was joking.

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 12:33

Fn - I don't think that's true though. I like rich people, one day I might BE one, but I'm not particularly enamoured when people (rich or poor) are uncompassionate about other people who have harder lives than them.

NinkyNonker · 24/11/2011 12:34

Or a chewed Apple core. Thanks dd.

MarshaBrady · 24/11/2011 12:34

Groups are so disparate in the UK it is really easy to find a group of people that won't despise you for being wealthy.

OrmIrian · 24/11/2011 12:34

Agree sinical. Always rather be taken for a mug than deprive those in need.

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 12:34

fellatio not only d you have STFU about having earned some cash, you're only allowed to spend on the MN MC allowable items...

and you must never ever intimate that you earned your money by working hard, making excellent choices, or sacrifices. You must say it takes no skill at all. Anyone could do it...if only they'd had the luck you've had.

Faithless12 · 24/11/2011 12:35

yawn I don't despise you but then think you have an attitude I wouldnt want to mix with. Also maybe if you didnt advertise what you have you might get on better. Not everyone can be rich or even better themselves in the way you have done.

AbsofCroissant · 24/11/2011 12:35

That is where the problem lies. A dude like that deserves to have his bits chopped off (I think in the end he was reported to the authorities, so has probably gone down for benefit and tax fraud MWAH HA HA)

So, either you take the approach that everyone is under suspicion, and be very restrictive, or you take the current-ish British approach and offer benefits to everyone.

TroublesomeEx · 24/11/2011 12:35

I don't give a shit where you started, where you are now, what decisions you've made, how you live your life... you get the point.

I have an issue with some of the systems in place, I have an issue with the lack of integrity and self service with which some of the governmental decisions have been made in this country.

I don't 'despise' anyone and certainly don't hold it against people who've used the systems to their advantage. It's what everyone would do given the right place and the right time.

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 24/11/2011 12:37

Your user name is interesting.....'theprodigaldaughter'.... Returns??

Kind of indicates you've been posting here before....

OrmIrian · 24/11/2011 12:38

Oh hello lequeen.

thought it wouldn't be long Grin

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thousandDenier · 24/11/2011 12:38

Talking about money and worrying about how it makes others perceive you makes you terribly common, even if you have pots of it.