AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

OP when I read your thread title I honestly believed with all my heart that you were going to confess to having a glittery ticker and a name like HunnyYummyMummy123 on another forum.

Have skimmed through this thread, so apologies if this has been said before, but why did you leave further education massively in debt? If you are in your forties and from a poor background you would have got fees paid and a full grant. Not sure why you're so disgruntled, you had it far easier than young people now. At least you were given the opportunity to 'better yourself'.

oldmumsy well said.

The bankers have replaced the bogey man.

Fools.

"Dragged themselves out of the mud"
I knew things were petty bad North of Cowes but I didn't realise it was so bad that you had to move abroad to earn a fortune and then come back and patronise those of us that stayed at home.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school.

No, you are despised for being entitled and vulgar.

OK, so you're from the North and don't really like the working classes, but how can I despise you unless I know your views on the following:

Breast feeding vs bottle feeding
Vaccinations
Pushchairs
Euthanising pets
and Botox.

I don't despise you OP, I just think you are a presumptive plonker with a persecutory complex.
I hope that makes you feel better.

People despise you cos you come across like a dick.
Maybe something to work on?
HTH

Hmm, I suspect that it's easier to move away and 'better' yourself if your parents & other close relatives are in good health.

The prodigaldaughter - did you come from a background of a 'rough Northern town' but with supportive, loving, interested parents? Because someone who comes from a rough, Southern town, who had a neglectful, abusive, alcoholic mother and was in and out of FC throughout their childhood DID NOT have the same upbringing or background as you, and will have found it a lot harder to acheive what you have acheieved.

Nuances are everything...

Where is prodigaldaughter? Hm... why she didn't come back? Or maybe now she thinks she is being despised even more? Actually , who cares on the end? [getting ready to go to work]

I have done what I generally get annoyed about-read the OP and replied but I am not going to read 400+ posts.

It seems very odd to me-lots of people do the same, it is very common. I can't see why anyone would despise you. Maybe the chip on your shoulder upsets people.

[maybe she is sulking in despise o,no too early[go back to .does it make me look like i have a problem????]

There is a massive double standard on MN. When i spoke about serious illness in my own family on a thread about sickness benefits, because we were not on benefits, my experiences were derided, by posters claiming benefits.

so i am expected to be caring about them, but they were nasty about my seriously ill father and partner. i dont know if that is dispised but it comes close.

so i dont think the OP is wrong as other posters are making out.

the OP also says she is pissed off about the threads about thread saying people should pay more taxes. why would anyone be happy to pay taxes to support people like i experienced above?

Tilly, though, no one says one should want to pay taxes to support people who aren't kind. One pays taxes to support people who need help. Maybe some of those people are lovely, and some aren't, but if they need help they need help. It's like Justice, supposed to be blind.

i agree Jux - of course if you can, you should pay tax & there should not be a personality test for recipients. it was more a comment on being unhappy about doing it which i wonder is where the OP is coming from.

although lots of the posters on this thread talked about more important things than money (quite so), the impression i got from the other thread was that i should pay more tax so they could get more benefits and that was all that mattered to them.

if the OP has seen threads like that one, i am not surprised about her comments.

We need the bonds of community.

Well I can see that if you were on the receiving end of a thread like that you would feel as she does. If you're not though, unless you've got other issues, youc an see that those people are a bit barking and not take them seriously, so I am surprised about her comments, and I am more convinced that she is not presenting the truth but is either fishing for a story, looking (lazily) for evidence to back up some theory or a bit barking herself. Or just very very very self-absorbed.

We do need the bonds of community, more now than we have for some years.

Not everyone comes out of the starting gate equipped to make the best of themselves. Neglect, illness, poverty of either yourself or of those around you.

There are different sorts of poverty. By all standards I grew up in a financially poor environment but emotionally we were wealthy beyond compare. Its this emotional wealth that has equipped me for life.

Life's a long game, wait a little longer and you may be thrown a curved ball where you rely on the kindness of strangers.

OP, I'm mystified by your impression, because my overwhelming impression of MN (after being on here for over a year) is that a large majority on here are well educated and professional people, with many in your income bracket. WTH threads have you been reading??? I think you're being a bit paranoid. There are some very strong opinions voiced on here and some days it seems no-one likes anyone very much, but mostly it's just trash talking, as the Americans say. I try not to get wound up when people disagree with me (although obviously, it's annoying as they're WRONG .) So cheer up. I don't think you mean to boast at all and it's a shame you've come across that way to some people, but really, you're most welcome here.

this is hilarious. Surely IRL people don't care this much about other peoples lives?

Although, in a general fashion, I don't think the British are supportive of success and I think that stifles it within our culture. Modesty first, always!

daytoday....I agree with your wise words.

I dont hate anybody and i dont put my like or dislike on somebody just by the money they have or not . im pleased you have a lovely life and comfortable im not sure why you think folk hate you , not only are ybu but your being a tad paranoid ,

and its common to talk about money if folk didnt put their tax bracket on the internet nobody would know

TillyMintoe i have PMd you

What a ridiculous post. There are lots of people on here who are in a similar postion I'm sure.

I've 'bettered myself' as you put it, without (shock horror) moving away and making sacrifices. I don't feel despised here at all.

The best thing about mumsnet is that almost everyone is welcome here.

OP, FWIW I reckon lots of the people who have been very rude to you on this thread would probably get on just fine with you if they met you IRL. But the thing about messageboards is that they're a great way of displaying the person you want to be seen as. Some - many - on MN seem to like to present themselves as caring, compassionate and willing to give individuals with the exception of other people's husbands the benefit of the doubt.

In that context, any statement that suggests a belief that effort, sacrifice and personal responsibility have a value alongside empathy for others' predicaments and a recognition of existing structural social inequalities will be shot down in flames by those who see such beliefs as intolerant, entitled, judgemental and - above all - as an opportunity to demonstrate their own superior kindness, tolerance and compassion for others.

No doubt I will get toasted in turn for my cynicism, but hey

I always think that the major difference between the rich in the UK and in the US is that on the whole the US rich feel thankful but the UK rich feel entitled. Interesting discussion on Radio 4 yesterday about that theory that altruistic people should in fact become bankers so they can redistribute the money properly. It happened in the 19th century- most of our major schools, universities, hospitals, orphanages and social experiment towns were funded by very wealthy people who felt grateful to have done well.

There is nothing more guaranteed to piss people off, in a capitalist system that by its very nature is pyramidal in shape, than people saying that everyone could achieve what they have achieved if only "they put their minds to it". No, no they couldn't. That is financial nonsense.

VERDICT: A little more social conscience, a little less massive sense of entitlement. Also a prescription of some charity work, or at the very least a few episodes of Secret Millionaire on the telly if you really can't bring yourself to rub shoulders with the Great Unwashed. YABU