AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

OP - you were absolutely right. They've proved it themselves. Shame really.

Still, that means all the more for those of us who are prepared to work our butts off for it. I think I'm bored with Mumsnet now. Thank you for showing yourselves as you all really are, it'll save me a lot of time. And you know what they say - time is money.

Jesus loves a trier.

This thread is really, really nasty. Maybe OP has come across as "stealth boasting" but there is a genuine question behind this and I agree with the sentiment. There is serious reverse snobbery on mumsnet - but that reflects British society in general where everyone has to be terribly self-deprecating and making something of yourself is not to be celebrated. It's why we are increasingly going nowhere compared to newer societies and economies where success is celebrated and it's not a crime to be financially successful. It's fine to spend the whole time whining how they wish they had more money and this and that - but judging people who do as obviously "not having the right priorities"; "choosing money over family", etc.

If everyone earnt the same amount, then no one would need to work more than 3 or 4 days a week

i am afraid that idea does not work:

on average, you need to earn about £26k pa to pay enough tax for the services you use. basically everyone earning over £26k subsidises everyone earning under that amount.

on the basis that the current average salary is £28kpa, we would all have to work pretty much a full week to pay for our share of costs. ok a saving due to higher employment but that would be offset by the subsidy to raise app half the workers who currently earn below £26Kpa to that level.

makes you wonder how the system works at the moment. oh that will be the app 50% of worker who earn over £26kpa, with the largest contribution being made buy those who earn the most.

I do think people in their 40s who have been able to buy a house (I'm in that category) should be deeply aware just what a huge cliff edge of a difference just being born earlier has made to the ability to do that.

Humility, that's the word. And the recognition of the role of luck in most people's lives.

I speak to people on MN all the time, about everything.
There are wealthy people who have children at private schools and amazing holidays and comfortable lives
There are others that struggle (like me)
I don't give a shit, if I like somebody, I like them.
I don't judge anybody on their perceived lifestyle.
You should learn to do the same Op.

my take on the nastiness was on an AIBU, was after i spoke about my DF being profoundly paralysed and my DP having Crohns, i had pro benefits posters telling me DP was clearly not that ill because he could work (like they would know) & DF was refered to as me trying to win a competition.

to be fair, peachy was kind and huntycat told me important things about how the ATOS which i think are v unjust & how schools can help, so it wasnt all bad.

thats quite shit really.

See Tilly!! I just knew you would do things like that!!!!

I shall return to my thoroughly impractical 60s chile private musings about how nice it would be if things were different!

(OTOH, if we all worked 3 or 4 day weeks and everyone's wage was the same then the cost of things like housing would have to go down too, and if the utility companies were not privately owned so the gov fixed the cost to consumers in line with the wage we were all earning, then .... I really think I should go and lie down now )

wildheaven there is nothing wrong about bettering yourself, providing your family with everything you couldn't have and working hard, but to feel/think people/friends hate you for it, is a tad too strong, there may be a bit of envy involved, but surly not hatred.
I have plenty of friends who are much better off then us with whom we frequently socialise, they can afford to live in big period house and drive better car then us, and sure I sometimes envy their lifestyle and wish I could have it all, but not to the point of down right jealousy and hatred.
I value my friends, and some of them I have known from uni days, I know them as good people, and just because they have more then me today won't make me despise them.
Success should be celebrated and people who make it against all odds should be applauded, but same people should also embrace their new lifestyle in humble way and not shout from the roof tops about how much they have to anyone who would listen, there always will be people with more and people with a lot less, material possessions do not make us but they can brake us, OP needs to chill out and understand her friends and strangers here on MN will take her for for what she really is only if she is willing to present herself as normal and down to earth person, without mega stealth boast

Jux see i was jealous of your maths books earlier. i should be working but you could dissect my numbers and add in yours.... isn?t proving a socialist paradise can exist worth it?

Sh, Tilly, I wasn't responding to your last post. I'm so sorry.

That sounds pretty nasty. I'm sorry about your df and dp. There are definitely some people on here who forget (or don't care) that there are real people who have real problems at the other end of the posts.

AIBU is a place where angels fear to tread, but for the rest of MN people are mainly incredibly helpful, kind, patient and supportive.

I think I would need to switch to economics, which is not beyond the realms of possibility, but is fairly unlikely. You have made it more tempting though.

Jux thank you. i am from tough northern stock unlike OP who is acting like a soft southern jessie

OP come stand your ground! stand your ground woman its not so hard.

And that 'Sh' was meant to be a 'Shit' but my imaginary keyboard has imagined it is living in the early 70s and is only working a 3 day week.

Where is the OP, where is she? I hope we haven't scared her!!!
Thanks Everlong name suits my personality and parenting style

you DO pay more tax.
I don't despise you.
I think your OP makes you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder for some reason.

Do you realise that some people have worked really hard and strived etc and still not got anywhere? Also, that some people have worked really hard at taking care of others for example nurses and thus not made a lot of money but done a lot of good?

I don't know why I am bothering replying...

Poorer people pay more tax proportionally than the rich.

Fact.

Inequality runs deep.

I don't know what threads you're referring too but agree with others you are either stealth boasting or have a chip on your shoulders.

MsWeatherwax - working hard and striving only counts if the result is pots of cash.

Prodigaldaughter, it's not you, it's them. people in this country seem to hate success in the private wealth making sector. They are idiots IMHO.

To be honest you do sound a bit of a pillock OP