AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

erm... oh dear. Don't think anyone despises you, chuck. Just enjoy what you have & don't worry about what others think.

wow! Why would I despise someone I don't know?!

How very odd....

"we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school."

OP - (having not read beyond your first post, yet) I don't despise anyone for having these things. I do object to being lumped into a generic "you guys." With an attitude of you vs the rest of the world Mumsnet, you're bound to feel a bit picked on because you're setting yourself up for it.

In a faceless medium like this, I judge people for the words i see on the screen. If I don't like what I see, then I'll probably not think a lot of you.

Ooh, 17 pages and still going! Well done, OP. Your thread became a self-fulfilling prophecy, then

I may have missed the part where you said you're on the Sunday Times Rich List and have made your billions out of child abuse and cheap brothels. I think that might draw some antagonism. You just sound like a pompous little prat of averagely good means, though.

Your averagely good means are not what people despise, your attitude is.

Nagoo, I LOVED your link to "hypersensitive narcissism"! Thanks!

OP, you must be rolling in it to be able to afford a chip that big for your shoulder.

My advice? Get over it.

Well done you for having money, house, car, holidays, private education for your children - I'm happy for you. But if you want to boast about it, boast to people for whom these things matter.

Just be careful, though, because all these things can disappear in a heartbeat - especially these days. Then what will you have to show for "pulling yourself out of the mud"?

I doubt people despise you at all, but if they dislike you, it won't be because of your possessions.

Me toogarlic. Sweating it a bit that I ticked most of the boxes though. I really AM turning into my Mother. ##faints##

Your use of "rough" and "northern" and "dragged themselves out of the mud" and "better themselves" are snobbish, and sound as if you've never even set foot in "the north" (it's not made of mud you know )

Are you a Daily Mail journalist?

Gah - chippy, noovy Northerners, eh?

Seriously, OP, the majority of MN posters are extremely middle class. They've done demographic surveys etc - look at the advertisers. So I think this might be in your head. You know, projection?

Perhaps the real question is, why do you despise you?

(is that poor lady standing by the wall? She must be freezing).

Tilly, no sweat. I might be up for a bunfight on another thread another time, but this subject is too emotive to me. Also, I know you'd come up with all sorts of logical arguments about paying what you're liable for and how you can't seriously expect people to pay more than that; all sorts of things which I probably agree with in individual cases, but drive me to distraction. I don't want to get into an argument about ethics and morality, which is where it would end up.

The OP here is being silly and just wanted to get a bit of attention - probably a journalist or similar.

Oh, and I apologise for the rather patronising "Tilly dear". I have no excuse.

I now have to pick up my maths books and continue studying, so that I can better myself (again OP, this is the second time I have undertaken retraining and a change of career, through no fault of my own; circumstances, you see. Things sometimes just happen which change your life for the worse and about which you can do nothing except change direction, and start at the bottom at the ripe old age of 53).

Dear Daily Mail journo

When you write this up pretty please will you put my comment in your feature?! It is a lifelong dream of mine to see my wordsin your highly-regarded newspaper.

Yours hopefully

P&S

I detest that expression.

".. you guys .."

Sitting in a pub last week with some friends when the waitress sauntered over and asked if "you guys are ready to order"?

I am not a guy

Oh and BTW, YABU.

Self-publicity dressed up as a whingeing tirade against so-called "hate" from the good people of MN is laughable.

I am so rich I feed Northern people to my cat for breakfast.

A diet of Southerners didn't have enough roughage. Gave him the shits.

Ah yes, but in the post itself we are " you ladies" which, imo, is even worse.

Jux

well said! OP so not a Feminist then...?

Only read the OP.

What a self indulgent, self absorbed post.

There are people in the world with real problems. Honestly - get over yourself!

"you ladies" must surely have been written by a man?

Jux til next time! enjoy your maths book

Maybe they don't like you because you are critical, judgemental and patronising. Not because you have a few quid.

People will probably be jealous of you certainly, and perhaps if they're really honest, resentful of your success, but despise? That's laying it on a bit thick I think.

How very vulgar OP.

i don't despise you at all, but i also don't think that you're better than me for having more money, whatever 'sacrifices' you made in your striving for more money.

i don't think your husband with his high tax band salary is a better human being than me, or my friend who's a nurse, or the one who is a community worker, or the one who is an artist, all of whom are earning only just enough to live.
we can't afford private school or healthcare and we do want everybody to pay tax and the rich to pay more than the poor, but we are not inferior human beings.

Um, what an embarrassing OP...

There are plenty of people on this sites with your circumstances, if not better. You probably wouldn't know who 90% of them are because it doesn't define them, nor do they have monumental chips on their shoulders.

Plenty of us have worked hard, maybe got a degree or degrees, travelled and lived overseas for work. I don't know about 'bettering myself'. I didn't actually need to be 'bettered'. I suspect that's where your massively chippy attitude comes from. Meh. I don't feel despised in the slightest. Surprised you do.

Again, really embarrassed for you.

Wow, a Northerner with a chippy attitude talking about having bettered themselves... no stereotypes there then! Maybe people despise the very obvious chip on your shoulder and obsession with class rather than the money you have?

All this talk of chips has given me an uncontrollable urge.

Hope the chippy's open.