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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:23

blimey, that was long. I'm really sorry Blush

OP posts:
BrigadierRevoltingPeasant · 23/11/2011 09:25

Er wow - YANBU majorly.

I got annoyed with DP the other night because he bought a £20 carbon monoxide monitor without consulting me Blush but in my defence he was asking me to pay for half, I was very tired and hideously overdrawn.

But if you paid for it yourself and he didn't notice it, then wtf?? Tell him he can have the sports car if it'll do the ironing Grin

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 23/11/2011 09:26

Put him in charge of drying the family clothes for a month. Seriously.
You were maybe a little U for buying it without telling him, but how else are you supposed to get clothes dry at this time of year?

BrigadierRevoltingPeasant · 23/11/2011 09:26

Well maybe YABU if you actually want to leave, but YANBU to be properly annoyed with him.

whyme2 · 23/11/2011 09:26

I don't think YABU about the dryer although perhaps a little extreme to be considering divorce.

This time of year is awful for clothes drying and if you have no part in the magic of making clothes clean and dry then you have no idea how much effort goes into it.

Your dh sounds like a knob.

youtalkintome · 23/11/2011 09:27

He 'expressly forbid it' would be enough to make me want to leave him, who does he think he is talking to you like that Angry.

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 23/11/2011 09:27

Actually, scrap the U bit from me. You bought it with your money to benefit the whole household, no way is a dryer a treat Hmm

coraltoes · 23/11/2011 09:30

When I read things like this I wonder how the fuck these men ever found wives to start with... To expressly forbid something so trivial?! It's not like you said you were going to knock a wall down! How the hell does he think clothes will dry? By warm farting all over them?

I would dry your clothes, leave his to fester in the cold.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:30

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it

Well, you won't hear that from me, that's for sure! I imagine if he did all the laundry he would be a bit keener on a drier too.

I wouldn't get into any arguments about it now, let things calm down and when he starts bleating on about it just say " Have you heard your self?" and ignore - I have been with dh 21 years and this is my stock phrase - worked well so far Wink

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 23/11/2011 09:31

I'd agree with him absolutely, he is definitely entitled to a sports car.

Providing it costs no more than your tumble drier cost, and the running costs amount to no more than the increase your tumble drier costs in electricity and dryer sheets!

Andrewofgg · 23/11/2011 09:32

Don't leave him over a tumble-dryer.

Leave him in it.

Switched on.

BluddyMoFo · 23/11/2011 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:33

Andrew Grin

fluffystabby · 23/11/2011 09:33

I have no tumble dryer and nowhere to put one. I would seriously love one.

YANBU if he doesn't like it then tell him to do all the washing and drying of clothes for the next 6 months and see how he feels at the end of it.

And as to "expressly forbid" - that's exactly the sort of thing my ex used to say. Tell him to catch a grip.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:33

Thank you.

It was actually him saying no, point blank and refusing to listen to why we needed one that made me go out and buy one, to be honest.

OP posts:
mrsscoob · 23/11/2011 09:33

I would tell him that since he is so opposed to it that you won't put his clothes in it then it and leave his clothes for him to wash himself.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:34

Yes, I would do the same OP!! Outrageous!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 23/11/2011 09:34

He's an arse. But you don't NEED a tumble dryer.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:34

As for the 'expressly forbid' bit, I think he realised as soon as the words came out of his mouth that he sounded like a knob.

I laughed at him.

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 23/11/2011 09:35

Tell him to take over the laundry task and if he finds he can do it efficiently you will get rid of the Tumble Dryer.......

As for "expressly forbidden" such a statement would have started a row of epic proportions in this house Angry. Who does he think he is to expressly forbid the other ADULT in the home to do anything? You need to asters that attitude pronto.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:35

Good - I would laugh as well. Big knobber! Grin

MorelliOrRanger · 23/11/2011 09:35

Course YANBU - definately leave the bastard..... Wink

I couldn't live without my dryer this time of year. My pet hate is having wet washing all around the house.

Did you send the dryer back? - I bloody hope not. what a selfish git if he thinks that having a dryer to benefit the whole family is the same as buying a sports car.

(DP wanted to buy a sports car - but thankfully he thought better of it and bought a convertible that the whole family can use)

akaemmafrost · 23/11/2011 09:35

Address that attitude

CeliaFate · 23/11/2011 09:36

YANBU! It makes life easier for you, has no impact upon him whatsoever and you paid for it. Tell him to do the washing and get it dried and put away before the next wet load is waiting. If my dh "expressly forbid me" to do anything he would be washing his own clothes for a month.
I think you need to communicate your needs to him, or make him see how difficult it is by delegating more to him. His choice.

This is about his lack of understanding of your role, his wanting to control a situation he has nothing to do with and that actually benefits you. Selfish man, sit him down and show him your op.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:36

absolutely I'm not sending it back!

OP posts: