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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:36

But you don't NEED a tumble dryer

BINGO! Was waiting to see how long it would take Wink

CeliaFate · 23/11/2011 09:37

*And, childishly, I would use the phrase "I expressly forbid you to..." at every available opportunity. I'm glad he realised what a knob he sounded. Grin

picnicbasketcase · 23/11/2011 09:37

It is perfectly possible to live without a tumble dryer, even in winter - I don't find it that much of a problem but I do have a lot of space on banisters and airers etc where I can hang things to dry. Doesn't bother me that it looks a bit messy.

BUT. You paid for it yourself. You're the one who does all the laundry. He wouldn't even have noticed it if you hadn't pointed it out. And who the hell is he to 'forbid' anything anyway?

YANBU, OP. He's being a total arse.

Lambzig · 23/11/2011 09:38

YANBU

My DH absolutely refuses (I am sure he has used the phrase 'expressly forbid' at some point) to have a tumble drier in the house on environmental/energy saving grounds and we have disagreed on this for years.

Not so bad when it was just us, but difficult now we have DD. What he refuses to understand doesnt listen to is that I always put the heating on before I need it so I can stick the airer near a hot radiator and do more frequent smaller washes so that they dry. am pretty sure that it probably evens out.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 23/11/2011 09:38

well i wouldnt leave unless he was also an arse in other ways, i would probably laugh and point if he expressly forbid me to do something. I would however stop drying his clothes with YOUR dryer. He doesnt get to say what you spend your money and if he objects that strongly he can make his own clothes drying arrangements.

Dillydollydaydream · 23/11/2011 09:39

YANBU.
I don't know what I'd do without a dryer this time of year. There's 5 of us and I'd never make a dent in the laundry of I didnt use a dryer as it takes ages in an airer, I hate having it stood around looking untidy too.
Anything to make life easier I say.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 23/11/2011 09:40

I would hate to live without my tumbledryer in the winter. we have 4 children and get through 1-2 loads a day it just wouldnt dry and the whole hosue would be covered in drying washing.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:42

Having the heating on and clothes over the radiators must be much more expensive than running a tumble drier.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:44

I bought an A rated one Wink.

And he cares very little for the environment!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 09:49

10 years ago when we got our one, we were in a flat where it had an electricty pre payment meter thingy, and I was a bit worried about the cost of running the drier so I made a note of how much it cost - £2 a week if it was on 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know what it is now but I don't notice any difference between summer and winter electricity bills, so it can't be that bad!

Shodan · 23/11/2011 09:50

"And, childishly, I would use the phrase "I expressly forbid you to..." at every available opportunity."

Oh yes. Me too. Grin

Neuromantic · 23/11/2011 09:50

Tell him you expressly forbid him from touching your new drier, and you expressly forbid yourself from washing or drying any of his clothes. See how much he cares about it then.
Twat.

paddypoopants · 23/11/2011 09:50

Your husband is being a total arse. I think you should move the drier to the garage ('his space'- pah!) then after he's gone apoplectic about that he won't mind half so much when it's moved back to the house.

To be fair my dh is a bit like this as well - when I went out and bought a dishwasher- he couldn't for the life of him see why we needed it because as far as he was concerned the magic dish fairy came and did all the dishes - which was exactly why I needed it.

MrSpoc · 23/11/2011 09:53

I wonder if he will arrive home tonight in a brand new sports car. Will be funny to see (as long as he used his money to pay for it of course).

QuintesentialShadows · 23/11/2011 09:54

Well, my take on this is that the drier does not help you with any chores, so it is not a help for you. It does not cut your time in drying laundry, so is not a treat for you. It is a necessity to actually get things dry. Clothes take so long to dry this time of year that they might end up foul-smelling and need rewashing. This cost in both electricity and effort for you.
To make it even more efficient, when using the dryer, fill the airer with clothing to dry in front, and the hot air will speed up the drying process of these clothes too.

Yanbu. Your dh sounds very ignorant and stubborn.

oldenglishspangles · 23/11/2011 09:55

YANBU - Surely the less time you have to spend on domestic chorse has to be a win/win situation for everyone, no?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/11/2011 09:56

YANBU. I'd have bought the biggest fuck off dryer I could find :) And then I'd dry all yours and the dcs clothes in it and leave all his on the airer ready for wearing some time in February.

smartyparts · 23/11/2011 09:57

YANBU - he's being an arse. I think I'd stop doing his washing.

Expressly forbid! Is this 1820?

We couldn't manage without our tumble drier.

KateMiddIeton · 23/11/2011 09:58

Wow. YANBU. When you get rid of him you can put the tumble dryer in the garage where it will be much less unsightly.

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I have to ask about stuff like that. I might mention it but dh would be baffled if I asked. Pmsl at dh forbidding anything.

south345 · 23/11/2011 09:58

Don't think I'd have told him then just said I've had it ages that's what I usually do!

If he doesn't help with the washing etc I don't think it's fair he said no I use mine all the time (and my electric is only £40 a month and I'm usually in credit so still affordable) and couldn't manage without it, my washer is broken at the moment and it's a nightmare! Am hoping it gets fixed tomorrow!

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 10:00

Arf @ 'sometime in February' Grin

lottielou39 · 23/11/2011 10:00

YANBU.
I insisted on us finally getting a dryer last winter after living in this house for 4 years and having an empty dryer shaped space in our utility room all that time.
I LOVE it. It's my favourite labour saving device after our dishwasher. I was so so fed up of hanging damp clothes on airers and radiators and having the windows all steamed up all the time. Best investment ever. Love it. (but I do always put it on when I'm in the house after a neighbours garage/side of house burnt down because of a dryer- they can be a fire risk)

SolidGoldVampireBat · 23/11/2011 10:00

I don't actually think you are being unreasonable to consider leaving him. Because if you are married to a man who thinks he is entitled to forbid you to do things, then your marriage may not be sustainable. He is not your boss or your owner. And it's often minor (ie not violence or major betrayal) stuff that makes a woman realise that her H is actually a dick who considers himself the person in the household and her his domestic appliance.

scaryteacher · 23/11/2011 10:02

I only accepted dh's proposal because he came with a tumble drier, and he has ensured that I have never been without one over the ensuing 25 years.

Agree that Ops H should be in charge of his own washing and drying, as MN has expressly forbidden her to do it, and also expressly forbidden that he should avail himself of the tumble drier. Wait til he runs out of pants.

scaryteacher · 23/11/2011 10:02

...or has to wear damp ones.