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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 23/11/2011 10:05

Unless as a couple you're so broke that this puts you under some sort of finacnail hardship then YANBU.

I don't feel I need DH's "consent" for purchases at all and vice versa. I bought a new car last week without telling mine. Your DH wants to be glad you've only bought a tumble dryer!

WaitingForMe · 23/11/2011 10:06

YANBU in the slightest.

QuickLookBusy · 23/11/2011 10:06

How come you allow anyone to "forbid" you to do anything?

If the dryer makes your life easier, why would someone who loves you, not want you to get one?

I really don't understand. You are a grown woman fgs.

Are there other things he forbids you to do?

AKMD · 23/11/2011 10:08

Sorry, I am laughing and getting funny looks in the office.

YANBU of course but if your DH knew he sounded ridiculous then I'm sure he secretly thinks it's a good idea now it's here but wouldn't dare to say so in case it hurt his manly pride. I wouldn't leave him over it. I would use 'I expressly forbid you to do xyz' at every opportunity, in a hoity-toity catsbumface tone of voice though.

MackerelOfFact · 23/11/2011 10:09

I definitely agree that you should just leave his wet washing to fester in a damp, mildewy heap whilst yours comes out the tumble drier smelling of spring meadows. Clearly the tumble drier is 'your space' so he has no right to derive any benefit from it. Expressly forbid it.

Becaroooo · 23/11/2011 10:09

YANBU

He "forbid" it???

Jesus.

Its not the 18th Century you know!

ditzymitzy2 · 23/11/2011 10:12

i would have just left his wet clothes in a heap in a basket for a few weeks

he would change his mind, believe me

schnitzelvoncrumm · 23/11/2011 10:13

I expressly forbid you from doing anything helpful for him unless he gives express permission.

ffs "expressly forbade" it's like he's talking to a naughty toddler.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 23/11/2011 10:13

YABU on one thing: paying for it out of your own money. It is a household item that will directly improve quality of likfe for ALL people living in the home, and as such, is a household-worthy purchase.

A sports car would, no doubt, be a selfish item to purchase and would have an adverse affect on family life - not all being able to fit into it being the main point. Similarly, the cost is a hundred-fold!

I am glad OP's DH realised that 'forbid' was the wrong thing to say, and hope he is now shamed into silence.

I also agree with the others who are saying if he is so averse to it, simply stop doing his laundry.

BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 10:13

He is clearly a nob - but YANBU to leave him over a tumble dryer Smile. Assuming this is his first offence, that is.

I would struggle to not laugh in the face of anybody telling me they 'expressly forbid' me from doing anything. Is he usually such a pompous arse?

On another point, how can anybody manage without a tumble dryer in the winter in the UK? There are five of us in our household, and we try to use the heating as efficiently as possible - by not heating unused areas of the house, only heating the house when we're in it, and by wearing extra layers indoors instead of just notching up the thermostat. Therefore draping wet washing all over the house wouldn't dry it before it started going stinky. Also, living in an old house we have to be very careful about damp and condensation.

I'm pretty certain using a tumbledryer for a couple of hours a week or so is cheaper than turning the heating on for longer every day.

Adversecamber · 23/11/2011 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NunTheWiser · 23/11/2011 10:19

Well, I forbid you from doing any of the twunt's his laundry. See how much he enjoys dealing with damp (and not in a good way) underpants on a Monday morning.

samandi · 23/11/2011 10:23

Well I wouldn't consider living with a man who "expressly forbade" me to do anything, let alone interfere in housework if that's my responsibility. Tumble dryer costs don't seem to be much more than having the heating on constantly to dry clothes IME. I think it's pretty obvious that YANBU.

caramelwaffle · 23/11/2011 10:24

I would rather live without an extra bedroom than a tumble drier.

Yes, I am serious.

fluffy He forbids you use of "his" garage. He "forbids" you to purchase a tumble drier (no doubt if he did purchase a sports car, you would be forbidden to drive his car)

Something needs addressing here.

BTW

Tumble drier sheets, or those blue cloths you buy in the supermarket; a drop or two of essential oil poured on - in to the drier with the clothes - fabulous.

Honeydragon · 23/11/2011 10:24

Use it for you and the dc's and put his wet laundry in his side of the bed to dry.

Dh reorganised our kitchen which meaning the tumble dryer (that he bought and wanted) went in the conservatory so it could finally vent outside as he was sick of falling over the extra long tube I had to chuck out the window.

However Dh repeatedly said we had no room for a dishwasher. I countered we would as logically we could quite easily plumb the washing machine into the conservatory next to the Tumble Dryer.

Dh said "well if you want a dishwasher that badly than you knock a hole in the wall and get the bits plumbed in and move the washing machine in to get a totally unnecessary item"

So I did Grin

Dh came home and was Angry Shock Confused at having his "man space" also turned into the laundry room and shiny new dishwasher in the kitchen.

He got over it Wink

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/11/2011 10:25

I was going to suggest the same as akaemmafrost has - tell him he's doing the family laundry without using the dryer for a month, and he'll soon see that the dryer is a neccessity, not a luxury.

And I am glad you laughed when he 'expressly forbade' you to buy the dryer - I think I would have been so gobsmacked, if dh had used that phrase, that I wouldn't have thought of the right response until much later.

maxybrown · 23/11/2011 10:28

caramel - essential oil? Tell me more please! I don't use dryer for much but I don't like the smell it leaves on towels etc and I find the sheets are too expensive or the ones I like the smell of. Bought some supermarket own ones and boak. I like simple smells Grin

Bugsy2 · 23/11/2011 10:28

Laughing at the "expressly forbade" bit. Hopefully, he feels like a complete arse for saying that!
Make sure you don't tumble dry any of his stuff. His clothes should be thrown draped on a clothes horse on his side of the bedroom, where it can linger damply getting a slightly musty smell!!!!

pictish · 23/11/2011 10:29

Yanbu OP. Stuff him!

A tumble drier is not a neccessity though - it just isn't. It's a nice-to-have-and preferable-if-you-do item.
We have a small tumble drier that my friend donated as she didn't use it. It's there for emergencies only, as the damn thing costs a fortune to run.

mistlethrush · 23/11/2011 10:33

You might be a bit U to consider leaving - but on the whole definitely not U about the whole tumble drier situation.

You can, however, dry laundry in the winter without a tumble drier. We run a dehumidifier in the bathroom all the time - keeps the bathroom non-steamy, mould free and warm, and we also dry washing in there. Two loads hung up yesterday evening - shirts and thin items are dry this morning and heavier items will be by lunchtime. If it had been just one load it would have dried overnight.

So, OP, what are you going to do about this situation? I would definitely be going on a laundry strike.

agedknees · 23/11/2011 10:34

Wash his clothes, put his wet clothes in a plastic bin bag. Place bin bag with wet soggy clothes into HIS garage.

Do this with all his clothes. Tell him you expressly forbid him to use YOUR tumble dryer.

Then show him this thread.

caramelwaffle · 23/11/2011 10:36

maxy Buy the blue cleaning cloths from the supermarket.

Essential oils I tend to buy from Holland&Barrett.

I prefer Pure Jasmine oil, Rose or Ylang Ylang (flowery smells) however if you like citrusy smells i.e Orange or Lime or woody smells i.e. sandalwood or Myrhh, buy those.

Dry the clothes, half dry.

Dampen the cloth slightly. Put 2 -3 drops of oil on to the cloths. Put in with the clothes. Reuse. Keep the cloths with different scents on, in separate plastic bags (sandwich bags)

BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 10:36

Ahhhh! Somebody please tell me how a tumble dryer is not a neccessity!

How do I get washing for five people dry every couple of days when the heating isn't on and the weather is crap? Seriously?

Is there not a little bit of stealth boasting going on here? 50 years ago our grannies had scrubbing boards and mangles for doing the washing - maybe we should all really think of the environment and starting doing that again.

caramelwaffle · 23/11/2011 10:39

Mangles and scrubbing boards!

Actually, my mother had a scrubbing board, and mangle (70's)

No thank you.

maxybrown · 23/11/2011 10:40

ooh thanks caramel! Will do that (sorry for hijack OP)

Badtaste - I hate my drier but am still glad of it really and it was DH's idea to get one! But years ago, people stayed in same clothes for days on end, didn't have very many and didn't go out in the same way as we all do now! So no, of course you would struggle for five of you in modern day