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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
Thruaglassdarkly · 23/11/2011 12:32

He's being a massive twat. I wouldn't jack my marriage in over this if I was otherwise happy, but tell him to wind his neck in and withhold sex for about a year if he doesn't grovel an apology for his nobbishness - at least, from him anyway Wink.

DebussyHead · 23/11/2011 12:40

He "expressly forbid it"??? Sorry I didn't realise it was the year 1811!! Who does he think he is? Given that he will directly benefit from the purchase (ie properly dried clothes that find their way into his drawer) and you spent YOUR money and YOUR time buying and fitting the thing he should be THANKING you for being so thoughtful. What a total arse. If he brings it up again and suggests YABU in any way I would print off this email trail and leave it inside a sports car brochure with the bin bags containing all his clothes (wet of course) that you have left on the doorstep.

AKissIsNotAContract · 23/11/2011 12:45

Wannabe: the OP hasn't said what she spent but upwards of £300 seems excessive. My dryer was £120 and it wasn't the cheapest in the shop.

AuntieMaggie · 23/11/2011 12:49

LMAO - he expressly forbid it. Tough shit. Make sure you dry everything except his clothes in it and leave his stuff to dry slowly on an airer see how he likes that! Or leave them in a pile for him to dry himself. In fact don't even wash them.

I came here to share my tumble drier woes but my problem isn't that I'm not allowed one - we had one, it broke and DP insisted on trying to fix it himself and couldn't so I'm waiting til we can afford a new one and am currently drying everything around the house and its driving me mad! :(

AuntieMaggie · 23/11/2011 12:49

Oh and what A rated one did you get?

Almostfifty · 23/11/2011 12:51

I couldn't be without a drier. When mine died my lovely OH went out the next day and got me a new one.

It was Christmas, I had loads of staying guests arriving and departing and I would have run out of bedding if he hadn't.

Maybe if I lived somewhere where it didn't rain every single sodding day, I might be able to do without one, but I doubt it. I hate seeing washing draped over my radiators, the only time it is is when I've washed wool stuff.

OrmIrian · 23/11/2011 12:57

We dumped ours when it died a few years back. Too expensive to run. We managed with a clothes airer in the dining room. Now we have a conservatory which we use instead and a summer house in the garden where the breeze blows through but the rain doesn't get in. Still takes forever on a wet november day though....

AKMD · 23/11/2011 12:57

The household appliance as a present for a woman is dangerous ground. When I was a child a friends mother was given a vacuum cleaner for Christmas by her husband. She threw it through the (closed) French windows and divorced him - the only sane response in my opinion.

He should have bought her a soap on a rope instead. What's wrong with adults giving eachother presents that are useful? Confused I got a lampshade for our living room for my anniversary present last year. It wasn't the most romantic present I've ever had but we were rennovating our house and I'm a big girl, I can deal with a practical present or two. This year I have asked for a grater for Christmas. I do all the cooking and it would make my life easier.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 23/11/2011 12:59

I'd give my dishwasher up before I gave my tumble dryer up, if I had to - 4 children in this house too! OP YANBU

wannabe we pool all our money - bills go out of it and after that we have a set amount of "pocket money" each - we can spend it on what we like and no questions asked by the other person. DH spends his on golf, I tend to save mine for bigger purchases - maybe that's what OP meant by "her" money?

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 23/11/2011 13:00

Forgot to add - try drying his underpants on the radiator - they go like cardboard (yep I've done it) then hand them to him and see what the knobber he says

mousymouse · 23/11/2011 13:00

yanbu, op, I would put (d)h on laundry duty for a while...

Laquitar · 23/11/2011 13:01

Are you renting or owning?

If you own the house you shouldn't dry clothes indoors all the time.

'expressly forbid' would put me off even looking at him for 5 yrs Hmm

Proudnscary · 23/11/2011 13:03

I'd shove the tumble drier up his ARSE

(Hi Olgaga)

Laquitar · 23/11/2011 13:07

olgaga thats interesting. Do they really dry in few hours?
How much do they cost to run?

OneHandFlapping · 23/11/2011 13:14

There seems to be an underlying financial imbalance. You work part time, and spend teh rest of your time doing his laundry etc. He works full time - and has enough financial muscle to consider buying a sports car!

BertieBotts · 23/11/2011 13:18

It's the reaction really, isn't it? If he reacts like this quite regularly then, yeah, that's a worrying sign really.

If he doesn't then I hope he calms down and is suitably sheepish!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 23/11/2011 13:26

Laquitar - nice attitude to a rental property Hmm

'expressly forbid it' there's not a court in the land that would convict you for burying him under the patio Grin

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 14:09

With the money thing, it's a bit of an issue but one we've resolved (sort of).

We have always kept our money separate with a joint account for monthly bills. As DH has the full time job, he covers the majority of fixed outgoings. As my work is freelance, I overpay mortgage and pay for extras and one-off expenses - such as rumble driers, holidays etc.

May not be everybody's way but works for us.

This works for both of us.

OP posts:
Inertia · 23/11/2011 14:09

I'm furious too and he's not my husband! Of course he is being ridiculous.

You have agreed that you will take on this particular job as you have less time working outside the home than him. A tumble dryer is a tool of that job- it's not a treat or a luxury purchase. It is possible to manage without a tumble dryer, just as it would be possible to cut the grass with nail scissors- but in each case, a mechanical device makes the job an awful lot simpler and quicker. Accountants now use computers and calculators, lumberjacks use chainsaws rather than axes- why make work harder for yourself?

With all this talk of 'expressly forbidding' and 'buying yourself treats', do you think your husband is trying to punish you for working fewer hours OTH than him? That the work you do inside the home has to be as physically difficult as possible? I wouldn't be able to put up with that.

I'd take on board his concerns about the tumble dryer in terms of him being worried about the effect it would have on his clothes- then do all his washing on the same day and leave it to air-dry- and when the airer is full the rest of his wet clothes would have to await their turn sat in the washing basket.

kerala · 23/11/2011 14:11

Maybe the husband has been watching too much Downton Abbey and fancies himself to be that lord of the manor chap whose name escapes me?

AllGoodNamesGone · 23/11/2011 14:14

Use the dryer for everyone else's clothes and dump his on the airer and leave them there to go moldy

YANBU!

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 14:15

Actually, giving it some thought. I think he's most upset that he said no and I did it anyway.

If I had bought a £300 handbag he wouldn't have noticed or minded. It's a ridiculous stubborn argument which I'm going to ignore when he gets home.

He has an unrealistic impression of how our house should be. He would rather there weren't any toys in the living room either Grin

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 23/11/2011 14:16

My dh wouldn't dare 'forbid' me to do anything. He'd lose his manbits if he ever did Angry

Tell your dh to naff off.

witherhills · 23/11/2011 14:24

you do need a tumble dryer
Get him to do all the washing and ironing for a month, he will soon change his mind

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 23/11/2011 14:24

arf @ rumble dryer gonna call it that from now on