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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 10:42

thank you maxy

Is it too early for a Wine

maxybrown · 23/11/2011 10:44

ooh no of course not, though I'll probably be asleep (zero stamina these days) and I need to leave to collect DS in less than an hour...................still I've lazed all morning on here anyway now.............................so why not Grin

Bugsy2 · 23/11/2011 10:45

BadTaste - I don't have one. My house is bone dry though (not entirely sure why). I use an airer & I have a huge rack of shelves around the hot water tank. I only have the heating on for 3.5 hrs a day & never use the rads for laundry, so it must have something to do with the lack of humidity in my house & having an airing cupboard/shelves.

Grumpla · 23/11/2011 10:45

I too expressly forbid you from doing your DH's laundry.

In fact, I would be tempted to merrily chuck all of his dirty clothes onto the garage floor and leave it there for him to deal with. His space, his laundry, his job.

Twat.

If his twattishness is not confined to this one incident you may need to seriously revise the division of labour in your marriage.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 10:48

You see this is what I just don't get, people talk about running a de humidifier all the time, heated driers etc, it seems like people do anything to avoid admitting they might benefit from a drier - it really confuses me! How much does a de humidifier cost to run all day every day?

SparkleSoiree · 23/11/2011 10:50

"Expressly forbid it"

My jaw dropped when I read that and my immediate thought was to remind myself what century we are in!

Having said that now that you have gone and bought said fabulous lifesaver why not show him it is more than just a tumble drier - almost make him eat his words....

you could lay it as a table and eat from it.
You could shag on it
You could use it as a shelf for extra storage
You could just stick a big red bow on top of it to make it look more aesthetically pleasing!

Money's worth much?

Grin
VivaLeBeaver · 23/11/2011 10:51

50 years ago women didn't work outside the home and spent all Monday washing and Tuesday drying and ironing.

starryeyed1 · 23/11/2011 10:53

He sounds like a right dick.

Bugsy2 · 23/11/2011 10:56

Now, they work & do washing, drying & ironing every evening & weekends!!!!

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/11/2011 10:56

I also agree that it should have come out of household expenses, not your own money.

vanimal · 23/11/2011 10:57

I want a tumble drier now....

confusedpixie · 23/11/2011 11:11

YANBU for being annoyed. I live in a place with no airing cupboard and no tumble drier, the heating is rarely on and we have no way of drying our clothes and there is nothing we can do about it but go to the laundrette when we can and that costs us £3 just to tumbledry the clothes (then parking has to be paid and the time it takes to get there in traffic!)

It's a nightmare.

Your DP needs a reality check so make him do the drying for a while!

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 11:13

We don't have the heating on yet so I need my drier.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 23/11/2011 11:25

Perhaps he's more concerned about the aesthetics of having a tumble drier in the dressing room/area of the master suite? If so, perhpas this is understandable and could it be remedied by the purchase of a washer-drier, to replace your single-function washing-machine?

If he's merely quibbling about the cost and/or your exectuive decision-making then he is being very unreasonable. Very.

kerala · 23/11/2011 11:30

The household appliance as a present for a woman is dangerous ground. When I was a child a friends mother was given a vacuum cleaner for Christmas by her husband. She threw it through the (closed) French windows and divorced him - the only sane response in my opinion.

As everyone else has said shocking behaviour.

I tried to not have a tumble drier for green reasons and was using reuseables at the time. Fine in summer but in winter it just didnt work - our house was draped with drying clothes like a student house. Putting clothes on radiators is actually more inefficient as you are using up more expensive heat that way. Plus if you do it too much it goes mouldy behind the radiators. In fact it was DH that was keen to get one as he hates clothes hanging around and he went and bought the best he could find without consulting me.

dottygirl1 · 23/11/2011 11:33

To me, a dryer is just like a washing machine or fridge. The household needs it. Just dont mention it again....I sure he will get over it.

QuietTiger · 23/11/2011 11:33

Your DH is a mega twat.

Expressly forbid it?? If my DH said something like that (and I'm SAH, so don't have my "own" wages as such) he would get the tumble drier shoved up his arse.

He needs a stiff talking to about equality and making your life easier and PDQ too.

ZeldaUpNorth · 23/11/2011 11:34

Dp was against me getting a tumble dryer too as there was no where in the kitchen to put it. But as we have a huge L shaped bathroom I decided to put it in there (its not near water and the bathroom rarely gets steamy) Its great as i will put it on a bit before kids have their bath and the room is toasty warm for them (its usually freezing as even though it the biggest of all the upstairs rooms it has the tiniest radiatorConfused)

wannaBe · 23/11/2011 11:34

yanbu for being annoyed about his attitude.

But I am going to go slightly against the grain here ...

What is this notion that you bought it out of your money? If a poster came on here and said that her dh had bought something expensive (and we're probably talking upwards of £300 here) without discussing it with her first and said that he'd bought it out of "his" money, the response would be that all money should be joint money within a marriage and that purchases should be discussed and agreed first, esp if they're for signifficant amounts.

So while I think that your dh is unreasonable to have "expressly forbid" you from buying a tumble drier, I don't think he's necessarily unreasonable for being annoyed that you went out and made such a signifficant purchase with what should essentially be joint money without at least telling him in advance you were going to do it.

Chandon · 23/11/2011 11:35

yanbu.

You made a decision, it shows you are not a doormat.

He has no reason to complain.

He is not in a position to "forbid" you to do things. He is not your boss, or your parent or your master.

I do assume that his rant about doing purchases without the other's consent doesn't mean that he actually isn't allowed to buy anything without your consent? I am sure he can go out and buy something without consulting you first, right? (not a sports car obviously!)If not, I can see his point maybe.

OrmIrian · 23/11/2011 11:42

"'expressly forbid it"

Once he had said that I wouldn't care if you wanted to buy an elephant and keep it in the kitchen, you would still be being less unreasonable than he is!

lolajane2009 · 23/11/2011 11:53

dry all the clothes but his

squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 12:06

Tumble dryers have caused a few arguments in this house..

He reckoned the ideal place for it would be in the shed... but when I asked if he would be the one traipsing in the rain and mud, down the garden with the washing, I was met with a confused look.

The drier is nicely sat in place in the kitchen. :)

One of the kids left home because of a dryer too. I came home from work one blazing hot summer afternoon to find the dryer merrily turning away, steaming up the kitchen.... while she was out on the patio, about 3 feet away from the (empty) rotary dryer reading Heat magazine.. Hmm (She was in her 20's)

I hit the roof... the dryer was unplugged, dragged down the hall and dumped in the front garden.... it was picked up by the scrap men within minutes.. stepdaughter moved out a short time later as it was a violation of her human rights to get a bollocking and not be able to dry her clothes apparently Grin

I then lasted a couple of years without a dryer but gave in last winter as I got fed up of taking the wet washing to the launderette.

OhdearNigel · 23/11/2011 12:22

It is possible to manage without a tumble dryer - I don't have one and we use cloth nappies. But I hate, hate, hate it. We don't have room for one and washing over the winter practically reduces me to tears.

However, this is not the point. The main issue is that your DH thinks he can order you around. He is not your boss and we would have had a row of epic proportions in our house if DH tried to "expressly forbid" me from spending my own money on a badly needed item of white goods.

At best your DH can launder his own clothes this winter. And you can "expressly forbid" him using your tumble drier.

olgaga · 23/11/2011 12:30

Hi, I'm new. Have been lurking for ages, so hello everyone.

OP, I think your husband's attitude stinks, it doesn't sound like he sees you as an equal in your partnership or understands the difficulties and tedium of the whole laundry biz so it's not surprising you feel the way you do. Having said that, tbh I'd have told him I'd decided to buy one, and explained why, before going out and buying one.

But anyway, what I really wanted to tell you all is that I absolutely luuurve my dehumidifier, which is cheaper to run than a tumble drier, takes up far less room and I can move it all round the house - which means I can use it for other drying-out jobs too. I have a hanging rail and airer in the smallest room in my house, put all my wet clothes on hangers and a full wash dries in about 4 hours - and I don't need to iron! I hadn't even heard of them until we had a leaking pipe and the plumber brought his great big one round to dry the house out.

Domestic ones are much smaller, mine is a Meaco, it was only about £100, but there are plenty of other makes - you can get them online or at B&Q, places like that. Get one with a laundry setting - it makes life much easier!