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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave my husband over a tumble drier

164 replies

fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 09:22

OK, bit extreme but I'm in a fury nonetheless.

I do all of the laundry in our house (DH works full time, I work part time). Am happy with this arrangement.

However, am completely unable to get thing dry at this time of year. In every other house we have had a washer drier but our new house only has a washing machine. I wanted a tumble drier.

DH said no. He said we had nowhere to put it and we didn't need one (well he would say that as he doesn't notice how clothes get washed dried and back in the drawer). He wouldn't have it in the garage as that's 'his space' and would also be a pain in the arse (Which I agree).

However we do have a small corridor between our bedroom and ensuite (labelled as 'dressing area' on house details) which currently has stand up airer, clothes rail with his clothes on (our wardrobe is small) and the ironing. He didn't want one there.

I got so frustrated that I just went out and bought one. I paid for it out of my wages. It was delivered this week and I put in the space. It is in the corner so cannot be seen from any point in the bedroom (although have taken airer down so place looks much tidier). I had to point it out to him this morning as he had walked passed it at least 6 times in the past 24 hours without even noticing it had arrived.

He was furious. Said he had 'expressly forbid it' said it looked ridiculous etc etc. Then said that he was glad I'd set the precedent for purchases without the others consent as he would now go out and buy himself a sports car Angry.

I know people will say that I shouldn't have bought it if it wasn't a joint decision but his reasons for not having one were ridiculous and the disadvantages of not having one have no impact on me, just him.

He stormed off without saying goodbye.

I am furious that
a) he thinks that a tumble drier is a luxury 'treat' for me.
b) he thinks he can issue dictates on chores that he doesn't do
c) he has no actual argument as he didn't even notice it was there.

and breathe.

OP posts:
Davsmum · 23/11/2011 14:28

God,...who does he think he is ??? and what century is he living in ?

In your place I would have said ' WE need a dryer so I will organise getting one'
If I tell my partner I need something he wouldn't question it - I certainly would not be seeking permission. The only things we would discuss would be luxury items.

DogStinkhorn · 23/11/2011 14:36

On another note, how do you all stop clothes shrinking in the tumble dryer? I currently only use mine for towels and sheets because it shrinks stuff.

DogStinkhorn · 23/11/2011 14:36

On another note, how do you all stop clothes shrinking in the tumble dryer? I currently only use mine for towels and sheets because it shrinks stuff.

3littlefrogs · 23/11/2011 14:42

If you are expected to be the laundress, you are entitled to purchase the necessary equipment.

"expressly forbid" !!! who does he think he is? Your lord and master? Good grief.

carabos · 23/11/2011 14:43

I have a redundant tumble drier in the pantry and a beloved, over -worked heated tower airer in the kitchen. It's a Lakeland one and I love it more than life itself. It dries everything overnight and the kitchen is toasty warm when we come down in the morning (high ceilings, stone floor = chilly). It cost about £70 and Lakeland say it costs less than 3p an hour to run or some similar tiny amount.

olgaga · 23/11/2011 14:43

Hi Laquitar, yes it's true, I have a Hotpoint 7kg washer dryer, but I only use the tumble dryer occasionally, mainly when I do a towel wash, as I can set the tumble dryer to autodry while I'm out.

The price comparison I think depends on how big and efficient your tumble dryer is (ie how long does it take to dry everything?). For me it works out cheaper to use a dehumidifier. My washer-dryer obviously only has a washing machine-size drum and it's not a big stand-alone dryer, so it would take me about a day and a half to dry a full load as it takes ages to dry even a full drum. Plus everything comes out really wrinkled, and I despise ironing.

With the dehumidifier I hang everything on hangers on a clothes rail in our bathroom (the smaller the room, the more efficiently it will work), underwear goes on an airer. Even for heavy items of clothing such as cotton sweatshirts, joggers, jeans etc it will take 4 - 5 hours max. Light cottons such as work shirts, pillowcases etc take a 1-2 hours, fleece can take as little as half an hour. When it's dry I just shove it all in the wardrobes on the hangers, or fold it and put away. Marvellous!

DH is tall so we have a superking bed, which is a real pain with the huge bedding. The duvet covers and sheets are hung over the banisters and I put the dehumidifier in the hall. Because this is a bigger space it'll take a little longer than it would in a small room, but I can wash and dry the whole set of bedding in 3-4 hours.

This is the one I have here and their advice guide is here
(Hope the links work, if not I will try again).

lollilou · 23/11/2011 14:43

YANBU. Can't believe he said that to you. We have been having 'talks' in our house about me putting clothes on the radiators which DH says is a waste of heating but we just seem to have so much washing. We do have a tumble drier but I don't like to put things straight from the washing machine into it so they go on the line when weather permits,on the airer or radiators and finish in the tumble if needed. Quick tip, put a large dry towel in the drier with a load it will cut the drying time.

celebmum · 23/11/2011 14:45

Fluffytowels, I may be barking completely up the wrong tree here (different Forrest infactGrin!) but.. Is he the kind of DH who might've got you a tumble dryer for Christmas? And you've just gone and ruined his plans/surprise?! Blush

I only say this as one year I bought myself a book in the week before christmas as I wanted it and thought it was a good offer.. Couldn't figure out why DH was being all Angry about it until come Christmas morning when I opened my presents and got the book Blush

If not then HIBVU and I think you should use the tumble dryer for just you and the kids and leave his clothes to air dry.... See how long it takes him to start making excuses to use it! Grin

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 23/11/2011 14:46

fluffytowels Is it possible his upset was due to aesthetics.

My husband is not very visual and doesn't care see what things look like or might look like. I'm highly visual and it's really important to me that my house looks good and is a comfortable, enriching, calm environment. Recently we had a stand off about a light. I bought a very expensive light fitting to go in the new study (still a work in progress). I bought it and showed him it (me all pleased) and he said he would have been quite happy with one of those dangly plastic things that come as standard. Hmm I stuck to my guns and the electrician hung the light just today. It looks amazing. I had it positioned so that the light hangs in line with the half-glazed study door and you can see this beautiful light now right the way from the other end of the house. I can't wait for him to get home so I can say: Look! Look! Look!

And I don't like toys in the sitting room. Grin

3littlefrogs · 23/11/2011 14:46

I have the lakeland heated airer too. It is one of the best things I ever bought.

catsmother · 23/11/2011 14:55

Presumably, out of principle, he won't want any of HIS clothes dried in the drier now ? .... fine, hang them (or tell him to hang them) out the old fashioned way, on the line, in the garden, in the cold November drizzle and fog. I'm sure he'll be fine waiting until Spring to fetch them in.

MoaningMinnieWhingesAgain · 23/11/2011 15:02

I haven't got a tumble drier. We have discussed getting one, but not got one, managing, just, with airers and radiators.

But. If DH thought for one minute he could forbid me from buying one I would be getting a top of the range one and plugging it in next to the TV. DH also benefits from a laundry fairy, btw.

notjustme · 23/11/2011 15:16

Well I am envious of anyone who says that they don't need a tumble dryer, because I sure do. With a family of 4 adults and a teenager, 3 dogs (who shed), 4 cats (who puke and have occasional accidents on the bath mat etc) if I didn't have a tumble dryer we would be over-run with washing. Even with a tumble dryer which can, on occasion, be on almost 24 hours depending on what is being washed, we still use a full size airer, hang clothes over doors and on radiators, and hang clothes on the bannisters. So, yes, we need a tumble dryer.

And I too would tell anyone who 'forbade' me to do something where they could stick it!! (And not do his washing Grin).

melika · 23/11/2011 15:20

Funny that, my gas tumble dryer broke down after 15 years of hard work. My DH hate damp smelling clothes and hate clothes hanging all around the house on the radiators etc.

The first words from his lips were 'You had better order one, sort it out.'
Got on the web and ordered one from Asda.com, delivered rapidly, but just those 3 days trying to dry, got me down.

I'm with you, YANBU.

Laquitar · 23/11/2011 15:35

Olgaga thanks, i didn't know they dry so quickly. I'm up for anything that reduces ironing time aswell as electricity usage so i will definetely consider it.

Thank you very much Smile

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 16:39

No, definitely wouldn't have bought me one for Christmas (although then I might divorce him Wink).

He just doesn't want one in the house because he has decided we have no room for one and don't need one. The fact that the space occupied used to be taken up with clothes airer, and every radiator in the house covered in pants is neither here nor there. He never 'noticed' that, and probably wouldn't have noticed the drier if I hadn't have pointed it out.

OP posts:
LikeACandleButNotQuite · 23/11/2011 17:02

I'd have been sooooooo tempted not to point it out, and see how long it took him (then produce the receipt to show how long you had it)

Ahhhhh, hindsight.

Original poster
fluffytowels · 23/11/2011 17:16

I thought about it. But genuinely thought that having walked past it 5 or 6 times in 12 hours (literally 2 feet away) and got dressed whilst taking a shirt off the clothes rail directly opposite, even he would have to admit that it was not intrusive.

He's still not speaking but I have been suitably breezy. Am intending to pretend discussion never happened and refuse to acknowledge his sulking.

OP posts:
LikeACandleButNotQuite · 23/11/2011 17:25

I love your NN too, almost like sticking two fingers up at him! Fluffy towels are the best thing about tumble dryers

caramelwaffle · 23/11/2011 19:26

Oh bottom: it's dryer, not drier

wonkylegs · 23/11/2011 20:01

I can't even fathom living without a tumble dryer. It saves me from doing the ironing if all DH's shirts so I figure it does have an energy trade off.
DH bought ours - I wasn't bothered how it dried stuff just that it did - he treated it like every other gadget purchase.... Hours of research and he ended up buying one that which recommendedGrin
I would have looked at Which first but letting him fart about made him happy and have no excuse not to use it
Any argument with the phrase 'expressly forbid' isn't going to end well Sad

smartyparts · 23/11/2011 20:04

and he's a sulker.

There is no hope for this man.

Miette · 23/11/2011 20:11

"expressly forbid it." Is your man from Victorian times?

proudfoot · 23/11/2011 20:18

YANBU at all

He sounds really horrible :( I hope he is not always like that OP!

Hmm that he would consider a drier a "treat" - it is an appliance for the household!!

frumpet · 23/11/2011 20:22

I have to say i would be rolling round on the floor with tears streaming from laughing so hard if my DH uttered the words 'expressly forbid it' to me , i mean does he have any inkling what a total utter pompous twat he has made himself sound ?
If i were you i wouldnt use the drier to dry any of his clothes ,hang them on the line outside and when he has run out of socks ,pants and shirts ,simply point outside and say 'they may be dry in april'