To think that this boy's mother was wrong to let him go to school wearing a dress.

[uglypotato]

Boy A is 4, in reception. Likes wearing dresses and skirts. I think that's fair enough and I have a tutu and several lovely swishy cloaks in the dressing up box for my DSs (Y2 and YR) too. Who doesn't?

But A's mum bought him a school dress, and let him go to school in it. While I think the world should be a caring, tolerant place where no-one bats an eyelid at this sort of thing, it's not. In reality, small children will laugh and tease. Other infants may look small to us, but to 4yo boys they are life-size and can be terrifying. And they will remember that A went to school in a dress and label him.

I can see that this is fine for a 10yo say, who feels that they're in the wrong gender body. At this age, peers can think things through, empathise and accept. But not a 4yo who likes dressing up. He's just meat for bullies now, surely?

A's mum is very nice, and I'm sure if the world was full of people like her, it would be a great place to live: she has a generous, open personality and is very kind and friendly. But she seems to have set her son up for bullying. He's seen as a bit of a loner by others in our kids' class and this hasn't made him more popular. Now she's marked her and her son out as odd in the eyes of the mothers at the school. I want to live in a world where it's ok to send your son to school in girl's uniform, but I don't think that's reality. AIBU?

"Some of you lot sound like a throw-back to the 60's. Next you'll be lining up the left-handers to tie their hands behind their backs."

I'm afraid the real world is a bit like that. That is why most people tend to conform because they don't want to stand out from the crowd or want their children to. Real life isn't necessarily warm and cuddly and 100% totally accepting of other people's quirks and individualisms. I admire any adult who usually can't. I think that most of the responses on here are simply out of concern for the child.

Oops. I pressed too early after my editing went wrong.

An adult can stand up for him/herself. A small child usually isn't able to.

I agree Bunbaker. My response is out of concern for the DC. I have first hand experience of life in school and I would want to protect. Whether I think they should be free to wear what they like isn't important-my DC comes first and I want them to fit in and have friends.

In actual fact I grew up in an area where 2 or 3 of the boys would always turn up at primary school events like Christmas party in skirts. They got ribbed terribly in the playground, but they didn't care they were confident, the adult role models in their family did the same when dressed up.They were not in anyway upset and we were just teasing it is what DCs do. We saw plenty of men in kilts. I don't think they would have felt the same in a school dress. Not that we had uniform when I was at primary school, so in theory they could wear what they liked.

I don't think that left handers are in anyway similar. I am left handed and I doubt whether other DCs noticed. They do notice clothes.

Sorry-we all have experience of life in schools, but I doubt whether anyone has first hand knowledge of as many schools, unless they supply teach.

Where does having a differnt opinion and a challenging debate equal bullying?

Yes, it would if the debate was followed up by name calling, going on to other threads and saying 'this poster is an idiot and smells' - whihc does happen occasionally, but people generaly also challenge thread to thread harassing where they see it.

A child seeing another in a dress and saying 'why do you wear a dress / why do you want to appear different / why do you do what your Mum tells you / do you want to look ilke a girl /do you think red gingham suits you?' would not be teasing or bullying, it would be debate - which is what happens on threads like this.

What is wrong with strong opinions, and what is the point of any discussion without them?

What LeQueen said!

I asked my DS (who is 12 yo and quite level headed -well I think so)

"DS what would happen if a boy turned up at your school in a dress?"

He looked -what a question, Mother- then he shrugged and said "He'd get his head kicked in"

He did not say "I'd kick his head in", just that's what would happen.

So anyone who thibks a boy can dress in a frock and the other children will say 'Oh how lovely, how free-thinking, his mother let's him express himself'

Well what colour is the sky on your planet?

Holy Moly - finally someone who speaks absolute sense - (aside, of course, from worra!)

High 5's to LeQueen

its a dress.

its not a bloody war,

children can be cruel over the daftest thing, wearing a dress isnt one of them

there are/were some very feminine boys in my dd's classes, some who like all things glittery and sparkly, or have a love for my little ponies.

belive or not kids are actually more accepting than us.

the only one of my children who gets told that things are for the other sex is my 3rd daughter. the one who loves spiderman, cars, pirates etc etc. she got a bit of hassle in year R, but now in year 2 is usually found playing with the boys.

The mother is a fruit loop as no one in their right mind would go out and buy a school dress for their son.
It is not comparable with having a princess costume and sparkling bits in a dressing up box for a boy to play with.

Actually, it's a uniform and he should wear it. At home he can wear what he likes but the point of a uniform is that everyone is the same and dressed appropriately. He needs to learn that in certain situations we have to follow the rules and not our own preferences, schools and workplaces are a good example of that

depends on the child tho.

if anyone tackled dd3 over her choices for things meant for the opposite sex she gives as good as she gets, and people back down.

if she was upset about it then it would be a different situation.

oh belive me, these boys were not dressing up 'for a laugh' its who they are.

ah in a few years some of the boys will be going through emo stages and wearing eye liner and nail varnish anyway.

It was a bold move.

Thank goodness for some common sense LeQueen-I felt I was fighting alone. People just will not have it. I know what schools are like, I know what would happen if a DS arrived in a dress. It really doesn't matter if people don't like it-reception DCs notice and have opinions and you should put your DCs first.

People seem to think that a DC arrives at school and they are just friends with anyone. Even at 4 yrs they are very discerning, they will avoid making friends with bossy DCs, DCs that can't share etc. They make friends with those they feel comfortable with.

I would have given my mother hell if she had let me commit social suicide at 4 yrs because -to quote-'she respected my wishes'! My DCs were not little emperors to have every wish respected-some were nonsensical, or bad for them. I was the mother, who had at least 30 yrs more life experience than them, and I was not best friend who couldn't say 'no'.

It is very simple with a 4 yr old-just say 'sorry that is the girl's uniform' and they accept it.

Many DSs like dressing up as girls-they usually fight over being characters like the ugly sisters. It doesn't mean anything other than having a bit of fun.

I suspect this has little to do with the desires of the 4 year old boy, and everything to do with Gender issues the Mother herself has.

I would say so too SmilingHB- I think that it is parent led and I bet the 4 yr old wouldn't have given it a second thought if she hadn't made an issue of it.

I was so glad that you came along LeQueen because sometimes I think that I am living in a parallel universe when people come along insisting that boys can dress as girls and no one will find it abnormal.
DCs, in general, are very conservative. Even if they managed not to mention it, never mind not tease, they would be very wary of the DC and give them a very wide berth.

Anne Fine would never have managed to publish 'Bill's New Frock' if it was the norm that boys were dying to go to school in dresses and only held back by boring, conformist adults.