To think that this boy's mother was wrong to let him go to school wearing a dress.

[uglypotato]

Boy A is 4, in reception. Likes wearing dresses and skirts. I think that's fair enough and I have a tutu and several lovely swishy cloaks in the dressing up box for my DSs (Y2 and YR) too. Who doesn't?

But A's mum bought him a school dress, and let him go to school in it. While I think the world should be a caring, tolerant place where no-one bats an eyelid at this sort of thing, it's not. In reality, small children will laugh and tease. Other infants may look small to us, but to 4yo boys they are life-size and can be terrifying. And they will remember that A went to school in a dress and label him.

I can see that this is fine for a 10yo say, who feels that they're in the wrong gender body. At this age, peers can think things through, empathise and accept. But not a 4yo who likes dressing up. He's just meat for bullies now, surely?

A's mum is very nice, and I'm sure if the world was full of people like her, it would be a great place to live: she has a generous, open personality and is very kind and friendly. But she seems to have set her son up for bullying. He's seen as a bit of a loner by others in our kids' class and this hasn't made him more popular. Now she's marked her and her son out as odd in the eyes of the mothers at the school. I want to live in a world where it's ok to send your son to school in girl's uniform, but I don't think that's reality. AIBU?

My DC's school says 'We would like the children to keep to the uniform colours of ........ and to choose clothes and shoes which are practical for school use. School sweatshirts are available from the office atr a reasonable price for those who would like to wear them and there are regular secondhand uniform sales. We encourage the wearing of uniform colours and the school sweatshirt as we believe that it engenders a feeling of belonging to a community.'

No mention of boys or girls.

I don't see why people expect schools do have no bullying when MN can be just as bad as any playground and you get bullied if you won't agree. I disagree with you Amor and you are already 'fgs' at me.

It may look on here as if the majority are quite cool about it, but I have done supply teaching at many schools, in different areas and I can tell you (however much I think it shouldn't-or however wrong people think that it is) that it would label the DC odd and it is cruel for the mother to put the DC in that position.

So teacherwith2kids-how many DSs have turned up in skirts? Did they interpret it that skirts were a choice for boys because they didn't head it girls?

i am amazed that people think the best way to instil confidence and esteem in a child is to make them follow their peers instead of be confident in their own preferences, choices and identities.

I have seen a younger boy in culottes. And several in shorts and tights. But never in a full-blown dress...

There as a time and a place for 'choosing' what to wear. Non-uniform day, fancy dress party, weekends etc. School with a set uniform policy is not the place...if we were talking about a teenager refusing to remove piercings and make up for school would people still be saying they should be allowed to have choices and their own identity?

as an example, many CHILDREN in black and asian communities are bullied and belittled by children and adults alike for being "dark" skinned, should they be taught that it is ok to be different/ darker then their family, and they can still be confident and attractive "despite" this percieved flaw.

or should they use fair and lovely skin lightening cream as it is unacceptable in their family to be black.

what about a child who is gay? he/she would be marginalised and picked on? so should we tell them to pretend they're not and conform to societal norms?

kids will pick on other kids for anything, if its not wearing a dress, it will be whats in your lunch box, or your name, your hair colour etc, we should teach our kids to be confident enough to not care, as they dont rely on their peers for esteem.

Feel free to report my horrid bullying post, btw, if it was too personally attacking.

Prime bullying tactic-I rest my case and leave you to it.

One last word-colour of skin, sexual orientation, looks etc are not the same.

My mother was all about being confident enough not to care. It didn't work with me. DCs often do care and they shouldn't be put in uncomfortable positions by caring adults.

If all the boys that are mentioned on this thread who like wearing pink and skirts/dresses were allowed to do so, then there wouldn't be an issue, would there? It's only because it's seen as unusual (by other parents, it seems) that it's a problem for an individual.

It's all a bit Conform or Die (socially), marshalling everyone into dull gender polarity. Yawn.

I completely agree with exoticfruits.

So what did the boy wear with the dress? Tights? Or bare legs?

I would prefer to live in that world too-it would be lovely.
Unfortunately we don't live in the ideal world, and while we don't, I would protect my 4 yr old and not set them up for teasing or worse. I am not going to put my views of what should happen in front of what will happen.

It is a sheer fact that the news would be round the school like wildfire and they would be all having a look. I dare say it would be a quick wonder and die down -but that is what would happen in any school-unless all DCs had been primed first that it was going to happen and they were not to mention it or stare-and that isn't a normal reaction to clothing either.

Nailak, would you be happy about your dd expressing her own preferences and refusing to wear leggings under her skirt? You are enforcing your own preferences just as other parents prefer their sons to not wear skirts. (Excuse me if I've got you mixed up with another poster, but you are the one who likes their very young dd to be modest, aren't you?).

One of dd's carers at childcare was telling me that they had had a problem in a previous childcare with three year old girls teasing and excluding other girls who weren't wearing skirts. She said they sorted it out by banning skirts altogether for a time, but it shows that even little children do notice and can be mean. I'm amazed by how many posters say that children don't notice and don't care. My dcs (5 and 2) are always telling me about what other children are wearing (usually because they want me to get it for them) and pointing out what people look like.

this is a tough one. my friends son is the same, and rocked up to see us in a tutu and with a doll, bless him

but school, Id err towards NOT letting him attend wearing a dress TBH, for the teasing/bullying issues, but as others say just say "No, we cant wear this to school" and leave at that

We would all like to order the world we want for our DCs-sadly we can't- and so we have to equip them to deal with the real world.
Banging your Head and saying 'I won't have it-this should happen and I will make it happen' isn't helpful.
It is simple with a 4 yr old, you just say -your uniform is trousers. You wouldn't let them arrive at school in pyjamas or dressed as a tiger. You simply say 'no' and they accept it.

How nice to hear of a mum who respects her child's wishes, accepts him totally for who he is, and holds her head up high when all the banshees start judging her.

Some of you lot sound like a throw-back to the 60's. Next you'll be lining up the left-handers to tie their hands behind their backs.

If a child is different he may well be bullied. Forcing a child to change his clothes if his natural inclination is otherwise will not remove the difference in him. It will only make him believe that his mother is also on the side of the bullies in condemning him for his otherness.

He is a 4 yr old-it is most likely a phase-nothing more. He can wear what he likes apart from 30hrs a week!

As a teacher I don't get to wear what I want at school. Most people don't get to wear exactly what they want all the time.

"Respects her child's wishes"?

The child is 4yrs old for goodness sake and needs to learn the word 'no'

If I 'respected my child's wishes' at that age, one of them would have gone naked apart from a pair of wellington boots and a baseball cap

It's got nothing to do with 'being on the side of the bullies'....it's about knowing more than your innocent child and knowing what's best for him.

The School clearly knew best as they made him change as soon as he got inside the classroom.