To think that this boy's mother was wrong to let him go to school wearing a dress.

[uglypotato]

Boy A is 4, in reception. Likes wearing dresses and skirts. I think that's fair enough and I have a tutu and several lovely swishy cloaks in the dressing up box for my DSs (Y2 and YR) too. Who doesn't?

But A's mum bought him a school dress, and let him go to school in it. While I think the world should be a caring, tolerant place where no-one bats an eyelid at this sort of thing, it's not. In reality, small children will laugh and tease. Other infants may look small to us, but to 4yo boys they are life-size and can be terrifying. And they will remember that A went to school in a dress and label him.

I can see that this is fine for a 10yo say, who feels that they're in the wrong gender body. At this age, peers can think things through, empathise and accept. But not a 4yo who likes dressing up. He's just meat for bullies now, surely?

A's mum is very nice, and I'm sure if the world was full of people like her, it would be a great place to live: she has a generous, open personality and is very kind and friendly. But she seems to have set her son up for bullying. He's seen as a bit of a loner by others in our kids' class and this hasn't made him more popular. Now she's marked her and her son out as odd in the eyes of the mothers at the school. I want to live in a world where it's ok to send your son to school in girl's uniform, but I don't think that's reality. AIBU?

YANBU the mother is using this poor boy as a "oooh look at meeeee Im so liberal" badge

Fair enough when the lad is old enough to handle it if he is bullied and ridiculed, but not at bleeding 4 years old.

I have no time for wacky parents like this

I agree with MeconiumHappens, MenopausalHaze, WorraLiberty etc.

In an ideal world, there should be no issue with sending a 4yr old ds to school in a dress. But, we don't live in an ideal world, and no matter how many parents try to instill the idea into their dc that its ok for boys to wear a dress, there will be just as many instilling the idea that its wrong and "weird" etc.

I can totally understand his mother having strong principles and ideas on expressing individuality, but then she should be the one making appropriate protests, not enacting them through her small son, who will be looking to his parents for guidance and protection.

Sure, when he's old enough to deal with the consequences of other people's behaviour and prejudices, let him wear what he wants, and handle the fall out. Until then, no.

I have not sent DS to school in a dress, but I genuinely don't think it would have been an issue in his Reception class. It would now, in Yr6, but only just, and only with some kids. And the school (which doesn't have a uniform anyway) would stamp out bulllying before they stamped out dress wearing.

But then I know loads of people, adults and children, with names from the MN Baby Names board that are routinely condemned as a dead cert route to a lifetime of bullying based on some alteration of the name dreamed up by MN-ers - and none experience this teasing or bullying.

Who here has a child who would have a go at another for wearing cross-gender clothes?

Mine wouldn't. He would probably tell me that so and so was wearing a dress, but he wouldn't be horrible to the child concerned. So - what would your child do?

I don't think all children are naturally inclined to be unkind. I do think some children are though. I also think that some children, whilst not being unkind or bullies, would make a comment about the little boy wearing something you don't often see a little boy wearing in school. And sometimes a comment is enough to mark him out as different.

BarryStar - what would your child do, though?

My child gets comments all the time that mark him out as different - questions and comments and silly assumptions about the scars on his leg and the big shoe raise he had. Comments don't upset him (beyond getting bored with the same bloody 'witty' remarks from all and sundry), and the occasional nasty comments have been dealt with quickly and stopped. Comments - well, they are comments. A 4 year old who wears a dress can at least choose whether to ditch a dress in the face of comments, so no harm done.

How on earth someone managed to drag the race issue into this has left me scratching my head! Of course the boy wearing a dress is in NO WAY similar to another child with a different colour skin. Or hair. Or eyes. Or anything that we are born with. What an absurd concept and really at that shameless piece of bandwaggoning.

Anyway - I can't see that anything remains to be said about the 'boy in the dress'. It's quite clearly wrong and shame on the mother for trying to be so radical via her child.

I can totally understand his mother having strong principles and ideas on expressing individuality, but then she should be the one making appropriate protests, not enacting them through her small son, who will be looking to his parents for guidance and protection.

Sure, when he's old enough to deal with the consequences of other people's behaviour and prejudices, let him wear what he wants, and handle the fall out. Until then, no

A sensible post and I agree.
We are not living in an ideal world.
It isn't bullying to think something is odd, it isn't bullying to ask why they are doing it. It is bullying if you draw attention to it and ridicule and taunt. It isn't bullying if you decide that the person isn't going to be a friend.

The family is the first place where you find out who you are and practise disputes and getting over them, which is why siblings are so useful. The playground and/or friends are the next place for learning how to get on with others and to discover that you will not get friends if you don't share, you don't listen or are too bossy etc.Some DCs find it easy, some don't.

DCs are the same as anyone else, they choose friends that they feel comfortable with. My DCs have always chosen friends from a similar background-I haven't told them to do it.

I have taught lots of reception DCs and while they might be quite accepting they will most definitely notice and many , while not bullying or being unfriendly, will not choose the DC as a friend.

As a parent we should be easing their life in the outside world, encouraging friendships by inviting DCs to tea etc. Letting a boy go to school in a girl's uniform is making their life difficult. It is very simple with a 4 yr old, you simply tell him that it is not his uniform-and I bet every single school has a uniform in 2 lists-boys and girls. Certainly every one I have seen and it isn't just skirts and trousers-they list differences in other things like socks and tights.

YABVU!

And also sick of people thinking that boys wearing dresses etc points to "gender dysphoria". Blargh.

4 yr olds have very little experience of the world-they want to do lots of unsuitable things and as the adult you don't let them do exactly as they wish. I think that you could google any school uniform list and there will be two columns-they are not unisex -and even if skirts are banned there will be girl style trousers and boy style trousers.

There are boys toilets and girls toilets and they don't get to choose.

menopause - just because you're don't understand/agree with something explained clearly, doesn't mean it's 'bandwaggoning'. I take offense at that - if you have a reason to disagree that I have not already covered (like the 'choice' issue), why not make it?

Uniform is a set thing...if my ds suddenly asked to wear his favourite Ben 10 top the answer is no, and it would be the same if he asked to wear a dress. Regardless of bullying, gender stereotyping and other factors mention in this thread, the school has a uniform policy and that should be followed. He can't just wear his wellies, or pj's or builders hat, so why is a dress any different?

Cannot believe some people think it is OK for a boy to go to school wearing a girls dress. A boy wearing a dress is not uniform code and the teachers should have been on that immediately IMO.
Even if parents taught their children that bullying is bad and you shouldn't tease someone about what they look like, what hair colour they have and what they wear for example it doesn't matter because not every parent does teach this and children do not have the same morals as older people like us. Children that age will judge and tease which may lead to an extreme such as bullying. 4 year olds share the playground with older children who may also tease him and even the staff may not know better and secretly judge them inside. As many posters have said, from this day forward he will be known as "the boy who wore the dress" and I personally feel that this mother has done a very selfish thing to allow him to wear a dress even though ridicule and bullying may be the result.

The toilets have a lot to do with it, In school they are 'boys' and 'girls' and the uniform is labelled boys and girls-it isn't a choice-as the toilets are not a choice.
I wouldn't let my DC, of either sex go to school in a batman hoodie-it isn't suitable and as the adult I would simply tell them they would have to wear it at home. They wouldn't go in the wrong coloured jumper, shoes that were not suitable for the playground or red tights if it was navy tights on the uniform.

A responsible adult isn't best friend-they have to be unpopular and say 'no' sometimes.

'grey or black skirt or trousers

This would be under the title girls -in a different place will be the title boys and the choice will be black or grey trousers.

I challenge anyone to copy me out a school uniform list that has no mention of boys or girls.

Children tease-parents won't accept it. They are told on the baby names thread that an outlandish name will set them up for teasing and they take no notice. My grandparents were teased, my parents were teased, I was teased, my DCs were teased and if I have grandchildren they will no doubt be teased. People need it when they get too dogmatic. You certainly see it on MN!

There is a fine line between bullying and teasing.

I am astounded that posters who bully terribly on MN (I dare not go onto feminist threads-you can't go against the majority) and yet they think there shouldn't be any at school.
If MN is a terrible place for bullying why do they expect schools to manage without?

In fact the more I think about it the more shocked I become. I know that there are about 3 or 4 topics where I am not allowed to differ from the norm -or the regulars will gang up on me- and I need to be very thick skinned, or have a tin hat, and yet I am supposed to be able to send my DS to school in something that differs from the norm and everyone has to be accepting and understanding.

I bet however that no one turned a head though Amor- and a batman hoodie, despite comments, is unisex. A school dress is not.

Ds' school has set uniform differences for boys and girls, they also specify the coat they wear. Personally I do see uniform policy as important-it's about having to learn to follow a code...punctuality is important, learning to get on with others, to be independent etc. These are all skills preparing our children for the wider world and need to be taught.