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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect other mums to consult me before they organise parties!

161 replies

Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:17

Alpha mums at my ds primary have organised a MEGA christmas party (outside of the little class plarty) 3 hours long on the Saturday a week before Xmas! They just went ahead and booked it and now are busily forcing other mums in the class to cough up money for cost and help out! I have politely declined but I am FURIOUS! Who do they think they are? Angry

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 21/11/2011 21:24

well, you don't have to go. Which you are not. How many children in the class? Do you think that they should have spoken to everyone? Is that really practical?

Is it not like a pta thing? They do that all the time. Set a date for an event then try to drum up support. It's not them being horrible, it's just the way these things work. You join in or not, as you wish.

Perhaps organise something yourself, talking to every parent first in order to syncronise 30+ diaries?

Jaquelinehyde · 21/11/2011 21:24

How about 'sorry we are going to be so busy that weekend we couldn't possibly make it. If I had known before you booked it maybe we could have arranged it for a time to suit everyone. It's no problem though we have the little class party and ds will be over excited enough without a million other parties'...laugh, smile sweetly and walk away or change the subject.

Not something to get that worked up about surely?

BerylStreep · 21/11/2011 21:28

I suspect that a lot of parents will be over the moon at having their little ones entertained for 3 hours on the Saturday before Christmas - they will be able to do a bit of shopping.

You don't need to go. Why are you furious?

kerala · 21/11/2011 21:29

But how on earth do you organise something for a big group without just settling on a date and going public with it? If you asked 30 families for a date that suited you would end up having the party on 17 December 2015. We had to do this with our enormous NCT meet up of 10 families - pick a date that suits the majority if others cant make it thats just life.

SarahStratton · 21/11/2011 21:29

Is this a wind up? Or are you actually Princess Alice except I thought she was dead ? Hmm

Avantia · 21/11/2011 21:29

They shouldn't go ahead and then expect everyone to cough up the money .

They might well be left out of pocket - that will teach.

Nice thought by them but YANBU

carabos · 21/11/2011 21:30

They won't be expecting everyone to attend but will want it to be a success. However, the last Saturday before Xmas isn't a great day for a party when you need to start the Xmas shopping and buy some cardsthere is a lot of last minute errands to run.
Of course if you have completed your shopping and written all the cards and are just waiting for the Xmas themed stamps to come out by August bank holiday then you will enjoy a relaxing three hours at a kids party.

cat64 · 21/11/2011 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Brushabrushabrusha · 21/11/2011 21:37

My dd's birthday is the Saturday the week before Christmas, we over invited on her birthday expecting lots of nos for the above reason.

Not one person has declined and they have all replied and all said yes. Bloody cheek of them I tell you!!! Angry Grin

dancingmustard · 21/11/2011 21:40

Nobody can force anyone to pay if they didn't know the arrangements.

LOL @ alpha females hunting in packs.

Just don't go OP and if you get questioned employ the middle finger technique.

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:42

Trust me the party has nothing to do with the school at all! They do it all the time - organise parties then expect you to turn up and help and pay for it - They do not allow you to drop off and leave - you HAVE to stay and help.

I know these women and they are not doing it because they love everyones kids!!! (ha ha the very thought)

They have not consulted with anyone just two women booked it and off they go. As I said my little fella is not going (not going to be pushed around by them) Sad thing is other mums moan about it but are so weak they still go - pathetic!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/11/2011 21:44

maybe they go because their children want to Hmm
How exactly do you think it should work?

StealthPolarBear · 21/11/2011 21:45

is this a thread about a thread?

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:48

Yes that's right they go because their children want to - it's the old sweeties by the supermarket till technique! Come along little kiddies...and fawn at our feet little mummies while we take your cash and make you suffer for 3 hours of swimming, bouncy castle, party games and sugar!!!

OP posts:
kerala · 21/11/2011 21:49

What utter cows they sound. Organising childrens parties and inviting everyone. Hangings too good for them.

NonnoMum · 21/11/2011 21:49

Um - if the class is having a little party and that has been arranged through the school or PTA etc then it is entirely reasonable you feel a bit put out...

If they are so good at organising they should join or start a PTA and do things officially and inclusively...

BUT organising a party which they expect other people to pay for, without notice and without much consultation is really weird and pretty thoughtless.

I'd be put out too.

But then we've got a fab PTA who organise lovely events IN school for the benefit of everyone's child.

dancingmustard · 21/11/2011 21:50

Leave them :)

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 21:50

God you sound bitter OP Confused

All they're doing is organising a party and why should they accept parents dropping their kids and running.

I'd expect a parent to stay and help too.

slavetofilofax · 21/11/2011 21:51

It's not like they are making a profit out of it?

What's the problem? Confused

They would never be able to arrange a time that everyone could do anyway.

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:53

Sadly you are assuming that they have good motives but I can assure you they don't. I have birthday parties and kids over for tea - like anyone else...I don't do it for personal glory or expect people to pay!!! Please bear in mind the kids have a class xmas party at school.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/11/2011 21:54

where are these parties held? In another parent's home? In which case it is very odd of them to demand cash! However your tone and the way you are speaking about the issue is also odd

catsareevil · 21/11/2011 21:54

I dont see what the problem is? They have organised something. You choose whether you want to be involved or not. You have chosen not to be. What is the problem?

SarahStratton · 21/11/2011 21:55

It's a lovely idea, loads of PTAs do it. And you sound a right old sourpuss.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 21:57

Just don't go, say that you are busy and are not able to. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to go.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 21/11/2011 21:57

It sounds like you just dislike these women and think they don't show you enough 'respect' or something. Get over yourself. Either go to the party or don't, but don't expect them to prioritise you over everyone else, or indeed over their own requirements. Why should they?