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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect other mums to consult me before they organise parties!

161 replies

Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:17

Alpha mums at my ds primary have organised a MEGA christmas party (outside of the little class plarty) 3 hours long on the Saturday a week before Xmas! They just went ahead and booked it and now are busily forcing other mums in the class to cough up money for cost and help out! I have politely declined but I am FURIOUS! Who do they think they are? Angry

OP posts:
Portofino · 21/11/2011 22:21

Where is the bullying?

Hulababy · 21/11/2011 22:23

Can you explain the bullying part?

Do these women actually go and tell others that the have to cancel the other night out? Had the other woman actually organised something already and been asked to change it or cancel it?

To be honest if all these people - so far 3 mentioned inc yourself - really don't like it, then they just say no to the party. If the other's mums won't then that is there issue really - even if feeling bullied by the other mums they could let their feelings known by telling them no to the party.

And anyway - I still can't see why YOu are so worried about it. You have said no, so you are not being asked to contribute to the cost or anything.

exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:25

It seems to me to perfectly easy to say to both the other parents and your DC that you can't make it.

Baroozer · 21/11/2011 22:25

A few weeks ago I held a birthday party for my DDs. 33 kids came. Most parents stayed. Most of the parents who stayed are really good friends (and wouldn't judge if anything went tits-up) and every single adult helped out. I still found it a complete fucking nightmare.

If these women want to organise a party for the class, then they are bloody brilliant and I wish they were parents of my DDs' friends.

You are sounding very odd with all this "I am FURIOUS" and Angry

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:25

Do you know the real meaning of the word bullying?

If so, you should be ashamed of yourself

dancingmustard · 21/11/2011 22:27

How much have they asked you for?

McPhee · 21/11/2011 22:27

I sadly can see exactly where the OP is coming from. I've been witness to this sort of thing many times, and yes it gets my goat too. It's done because they want to be seen as top dog, and have other parents bow and scrape to them. It does go on, it is very real, and also very sad that they can't just be one of the parents without needing this very bizarre performance.

And it's not done for the benefit of the children either, it's mostly to feed their own egos.

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:28

Clearly you haven't experienced such women - for that I am jealous! Lucky you - but for some it can be quite a battle. People should simple be considerate - if they want to have a little xmas party ...fine...do it. Booking a swimming pool has got to be excessive...oh and the bouncy castle...etc
ANd of course this is not the first time.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 21/11/2011 22:28

Your OP title reads: ...to expect other mums to consult me before they organise parties!

Well, why would you want them to consult you anyway. You don't like the women. You don't want them to organise a party at all. You don't want your child to go. You don't want to stay, help out or pay for it either.

So, why would you want them to consult you before planning it? If you are so uninterested in the actually party full stop, then why do you want them to ask which day will suit you? Or do you want them to consult you so that you can say "don't have a party."

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:31

And yes I do know the meaning of the word bullying - I know what they say about other mums behind their backs. It's really unpleasant - trust me! (I don't know what they say about me - couldn't give a toss!)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:31

McPhee if people 'bow and scrape' to other mothers for simply organising a party, that is actually the very sad part.

seeker · 21/11/2011 22:32
exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:32

I think that everyone knows that type of woman, but you can ignore them and not get involved. I'm still not sure why it upsets you-just tell them, politely, that you are busy. (Personally I think that a swimming pool is a good idea.)

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:34

Well if it's anything like what you're saying behind their backs then you're all insane.

exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:34

The problem is Alice that you obviously do 'give a toss'-take your own advice and ignore-you do not have to take part in any way.

ViviPru · 21/11/2011 22:34

What hulababy said.

You've come on here for a good old fashioned vent which is fair enough, but I reckon if you'd chosen your words more carefully, OP you'd have enjoyed a much more satisfying en-mass bitch-up.

McPhee · 21/11/2011 22:35

No the sad part, is that most of the friendships made are very fake. It's about being in with the 'in crowd' whoever they are. Like I've said, I've witnessed all this first hand and it really is not pleasant. Rather like being back in the playground actually Hmm

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:36

Very true Halababy! Badly worded! Should have read 'to expect other mums not to organise parties and them use facebook to coerce other mums to agree even though they don't want to go' My ds is not going and neither am I - not a prob!

I suppose I have a conscience that means I am furious with this sort of behaviour. Many mums experience this and you're very lucky if you don't have to!

OP posts:
pinkyp · 21/11/2011 22:36

Yabu - don't go if you dont like it. Lol @ the bullying...really? Wink get a grip

ChaosTrulyReigns · 21/11/2011 22:39

Any room on the baffled bench seeker?

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/11/2011 22:40

It's not a case of being lucky at not having to. Just say no!

You're implying that you're alright, but you're annoyed on the behalf of everyone else..... but you're coming across slightly demented really.

If you don't care, then why are you so angry?

These sorts of people only have the power to affect you if you let them. Tell them to fuck off if you like, what are they going to do?

Strange.

Get0rf · 21/11/2011 22:41

Thank god I rarely did school pick up so avoided mums like these if they exist

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:43

It's not a case of being lucky at not having to. Just say no!

That's exactly it.

And one very important thing you're missing here OP is that there will be kids who go to those parties every year and have a fantastic time. Their parents will probably have a great time too, helping out and seeing their kids enjoy themselves.

It's not all about you or how these women obviously make you feel inferior, it's about the kids (or bloody well should be!)

ChaosTrulyReigns · 21/11/2011 22:43

Is that a zero I see before me?

Greythorne · 21/11/2011 22:45

How are they bullying you to attend?
In your place, if I did not want Dd To go, I would just post back on FB:

"thanks so much for the invitation to the Christmas party. Sorry, Dd can't makeit this time, but hope you have a great day. Happy Christmas!"

Sorted.