...to expect other mums to consult me before they organise parties!

[Alice38]

Alpha mums at my ds primary have organised a MEGA christmas party (outside of the little class plarty) 3 hours long on the Saturday a week before Xmas! They just went ahead and booked it and now are busily forcing other mums in the class to cough up money for cost and help out! I have politely declined but I am FURIOUS! Who do they think they are?

I suppose it only matters if you want to be part of the 'in' crowd and are not. I never like 'in' crowds-the outsiders are always more interesting therefore it isn't something that would bother me in the slightest, I would just go if DCs want to go or not go if they don't-depending on whether we were free.

Thing is - if someone doesn't want to do something, then it is entirely their responsibility to say so. If they choose not to, for whatever reason, they have nobody to blame but themselves.

It is unreasonable to someone to blame someone else for their own inability to be assertive. So these women who are going along with it - that's their fault. If they can't say no, that is a problem within them. No matter how pushy, gobby or in your face someone is, no matter how much they try to squeeze cash from you, unless they have a gun to your head, it is your choice to obey or not.

You said no. Others can do the same if they wish. If they choose not to, that's up to them. I don't understand why you hold these women responsible for the failure of other women to just say no.

They may well be the bitch queens from hell for all I know "No." is still an option.

They prbably thought it would give people useful shopping time. Whay are you angry? It's not obligatory to go. If the party makes a loss that will be their problem, they must either cancel, or suck it up. It's no skin off your nose either way. How odd.

OP you are funny. You get a FB badge from me.

Okay. No kid has to go. My kids have all had to miss Christmas fairs, parties (including a leavers one, although I'd been asking for 1 year for the date to be changed) and so on.
To be honest my kid would not go in the circumstances you have outlined because I do not have time just before Christmas to give up a few hours of my time to "help" at a kids party, I have other kids and lots of other jobs to do.
However if it is just 2 of them organising this kind of thing I don't see how they can be alpha mums. In my experience Alpha mums get eveyone involved and organising together, and to feel part of the set.
It sounds more like: the class is pretty apathetic and two first time Mums are busy organising stuff; no one has to say yes. You need to learn to be able to say no when the salesman gives your LO a teddy to hold etc., a few tears is better than a house full of junk and a pile of debts.

Not sure why they should consult you Surely you just say no sorry , got something else arranged ? They may need a minimum number ot make it vaiable, hence the chivvying so it could be cancelled in time if not enough, but partiicpating or not is your choice. Evening out coudl surely start later or maybe it is a subliminal message that the children enjoy each other's company more than the mums ?

Is this a joke?

But why do you all have to wear uniforms?

YANBU. It would be polite to mention it in advance, in case some other group of parents is independently doing exactly the same thing and it clashes.

Just out of interest, how much are they expecting you to contribute to the party?

It reminds me of Fresh Meat where the poshies make poor JP pay a K for a rope.

Do other mums really look at the mums that volunteer to do help organise stuff in this way, that they are doing it for some kind of glory?

I volunteered to be the class rep for my DD1's reception class for 2 reasons

1. nobody else seemed prepared to do it
2. want to support the school as much as possible as am going to have a child there for the next 9 years and it is a lovely little school but has very little spare cash after paying the staff salaries and upkeep of the building so needs as much support as it can get from the parents.

I have been to a couple of PTA meetings and all the mums involved seem lovely, yes there are some that are the "organisers" but they don't seem to be on some kind of glory mission.

I would love it if someone organised a christmas party that I could take my DDs to.....I can't really see what these mums have done wrong.

I think that if they are expecting a contribution they should have canvassed the other parents first. Otherwise, I would be pretty pleased that someone else had gone to the trouble of organising it. Organising parties is not my favourite past-time.

When DD left primary school in the summer a couple of other mums and I organised a leavers party. We asked all the parents first to get their opinions and most of them offered, without prompting, to bring some food. The party was held in the back garden of one of DD's calssmates and it went really well. My best friend and I stayed because we were helping, but that was entirely our choice.

Could you tell the school/PTA that this group is coming across as more official than they really are? They could have a quiet word and ask them to make it clear that their events are not "official" in any way.

"They are nothing to do with school PTA they organise stuff them say it's a 'class party'"

Regardless of all other issues - Does your son want to the party?

I would LOVE it if something similar happened here, as would my kids. You don't agree with it, so you've said no thanks, which you are perfectly at liberty to do. No one is forcing you to go.

Am I the only one who actually likes that type of alpha mum that organise things? There are several on the PTA at our school and our school holds excellent activities and fun things for the kids. I can't be bothered to do all that so it's great that someone can!

What whoneedssleepanyway said.

Like any trait it depends what side you perceive it as to whether you're aggrieved or not.

Ergo:

Organised or fucking pushy
Inclusive or totally forming a clique
Chatty and fun or talking about others and sniggering

Come the day of the party I reckon you might see your refusal to go as right, but your DS might think he wished he were going as all his friends are and really as parties go, this one sounds pretty cool.

Glad I'm not the only one who is wondering wtf this is all about?
What a negative way to view a positive thing! Bizarre!

You seem convinced that the organising women don't have "good" motives, but what sinister motive for hosting a kids party could there be? I can't think of any off the top of my head, can you? Really?

YABU and chippy.

I wish I knew some alpha mums who would organise a party that I just had to turn up at.

If nobody ever organised anything ever then life would be pretty dull. Its fine with just your own dcs to go with the flow but if you want to organise something for 30 dcs then you do need to pick a date, book a venue then try to get numbers asap so you have time to reorganise or cancel if there isn't enough interest. Thats the reality of it.

More full stop abuse!

Agree with floggingmolly OP. What is the motive if not for kids to have fun? You're going to need to spell it out because I have certainly lost your train of thought.

whoops was that me, got a bit carried away...

On the face of it a Christmas party for the entire class sounds like a lovely idea. Expecting others to conform and contribute to a rigid idea that is in the control of one or two people isn't on. I can understand why it bothers you. I received advice here a few days ago. Grace in the face of extreme rudeness is the way to go.

Alpha mums are only that if you let them. Only new to school gates but I am trying to avoid cliques and be friendly to all. I take things on face value and either go or not to fit in with my own family.

Arrange something for you DS over the same weekend and attend your friend's evening soiree if that is what you want to do.

whoneedssleepanyway I didnt mean you, I meant the op.

There seems to be an epidemic at the moment - odd threads started with lots of full stops in them.