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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect other mums to consult me before they organise parties!

161 replies

Alice38 · 21/11/2011 21:17

Alpha mums at my ds primary have organised a MEGA christmas party (outside of the little class plarty) 3 hours long on the Saturday a week before Xmas! They just went ahead and booked it and now are busily forcing other mums in the class to cough up money for cost and help out! I have politely declined but I am FURIOUS! Who do they think they are? Angry

OP posts:
ViviPru · 21/11/2011 21:58

OP you're getting disproportionately eggy over this. Little bit Envy?

cat64 · 21/11/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:00

Yeah I agree my tone might sound odd - but I've put up with this for 4 years - you can't move without them 'organising' something. It puts pressure on me as a parent to give in (so my kid won't be left out) However I have decided he's not going to this one so problem solved...until the next one!

OP posts:
HandMini · 21/11/2011 22:00

Are you annoyed because they are Queen Bee-ish about the organising and don't let others get involved? If so, just ask if you can join the "informal committee" or words to that effect and then you can have some say. I agree with other posters who say that lots of parents would be pleased that someone else takes on the organisation of a whole class get together and would happily throw a few quid in.

exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:01

It always makes me laugh when people say 'Alpha' anything. There are no Alpha mothers-just people who see them as that. Just don't get involved if you don't want to.

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:03

oh well I'm obviously insane then - happy to be so if that's the case! They don't have a committee - informal or otherwise!!!

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 21/11/2011 22:03

Alice do you mind explaining - are they doing this as part of the PTA, or do the PTA do something (like the in-school party) and then they go off and 'trump' that party with a more expensive, less inclusive "do" that people feel obliged to go to???

Hulababy · 21/11/2011 22:05

Not sure why you are so het up about it.

They asked if you wanted your child to go and presumably told you the details and cost. You then said no - so you don't have to think about it anymore nor do you have to pay for it.

The other parents can do the same if they so chose to. Or they can chose to go and to pay for their child.

I don't see why it is such a bad thing for them to have done - they aren't forcing anyone to go. Presumably they know not everyone cnan go and have made arrangements to deal with any shortfall if noone goes and it still needs paying for.

You've said no - why worry about it any further?

redwineformethanks · 21/11/2011 22:07

It would be unrealistic to find a date that suits everyone. I don't imagine they expect you to pay and help out if your child isn't able to go. Sorry but I think you're being a bit churlish about this. Next year, if you think you can do better, perhaps you could offer to help. If I went to the trouble of organising a Christmas party for a bunch of other people's children, I'd be more than a bit disappointed if I thought people were moaning about it

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:07

They are a clique which unfortunately happens to have hit my son's class - Never had this with older son - he had a perfectly fine time at the same school. They are nothing to do with school PTA they organise stuff them say it's a 'class party'

OP posts:
HandMini · 21/11/2011 22:09

And is your objection that the date doesn't work for you (which as others have said is just tough luck, as they can't suit everyone) or is it something to do with the parties - are they v expensive / exclusive / difficult in some way?

Hulababy · 21/11/2011 22:12

I am still not really sure what aspect of it is that upsets you so much. If you don't like them organising a treat for the children, then don't go along with it. If noone wanted to go and noone paid then they'd not do it anymore would they?

No doubt as far as they are concerned, they did it one year, people wanted to go and paid up with no complaining, so now they see it as something that is wanted and so arrange it.

Portofino · 21/11/2011 22:13

I am trying to understand. So they organised a party for which IF YOU ATTEND you have to pay some money/help out? But you could also say No, sorry I am busy that day?

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:14

The parties are OTT and then chaotic! They did not consult anyone re date and actually have 'cancelled' a night out someone else was trying to organise because their finish time clashes with her start time (not me btw) *She's upset but too scared to say anything to them and has told me that she feels she has to say yes to them because otherwise her daughter will be upset not to go. Another mum was also upset about it but again feels she has to relent for the sake of her kid. It makes me mad when people bully like this!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:15

You sound a bit jealous?

Are you angry because these women put themselves out to do these things for the kids and other parents praise them for giving up their time?

I just don't 'get' it?

531800000008 · 21/11/2011 22:15

channel Zammo

just say no

Portofino · 21/11/2011 22:16

Or is it that the DATE doesn.t suit you and you feel your child is missing out ?

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 22:17

She's upset but too scared to say anything to them and has told me that she feels she has to say yes to them because otherwise her daughter will be upset not to go. Another mum was also upset about it but again feels she has to relent for the sake of her kid. It makes me mad when people bully like this!

Hold on a minute!

Just because some parents can't bring themselves to say no to their precious offspring, how on earth does that make these women bullies?

That's insane

Get0rf · 21/11/2011 22:17

Blimey.

Someone's been at the blue pop.

HandMini · 21/11/2011 22:18

OK, so perhaps the parties are a chaotic...I think I would expect that with a whole class party and that's why they insist (fair enough) that other mums stay, rather than drop and run.

But if other mothers in your group are being weak willed and changing their social plans or being bullied into going to the party, that's their problem. They need to learn to say no and leave these "alpha" mums to run the party.

Original poster
Alice38 · 21/11/2011 22:19

No not jealous at all. Annoyed by bullying.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 21/11/2011 22:19

I don't actually see what the problem is nor what they are getting out of it?

NonnoMum · 21/11/2011 22:19

Ask them to join the PTA and do it properly!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 21/11/2011 22:20

Bullying? Organising a party is bullying now is it? Odd.

Portofino · 21/11/2011 22:20

"She's upset but too scared to say anything to them and has told me that she feels she has to say yes to them because otherwise her daughter will be upset not to go. Another mum was also upset about it but again feels she has to relent for the sake of her kid. It makes me mad when people bully like this!" OMG Since when are parents SO pathetic. You say - sorry we are on holiday/have other plans - we would have loved to come otherwise hope you have a good time.

And you say the same to the children. Yes it is a shame we are missing the party, but we have arranged to do xyz and we are going have lots of fun. etc.

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