AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

OP, are you happy with this school? It seems that neither the head or teacher really care about this horrible incident. I would be concerned about sending any of my dc's to a school with that attitude tbh

Shocked head has not called today.
Surely they must realise you are going to be even more pissed off?!
Glad your ds is much better.
Will await more news tomorrow...

It is because of this kind of thing happening to one or two of my kids that we had to stop using cloth nappies - it made the sore skin a lot worse. It can happen.

the HT hasnt called you back yet?!! ffs what are they playing at?!! i would be soo sooo annoyed, and yes letter to HT and the governers and if no joy then straight onto ofsted and i would also be questioning the overall care of the school tbh and would be sorely tempted to look at other schools if they do not come up with a satisfactory explanation and a bloody good apology.

Saying he stepped in something is not a good excuse. If a child stepped in something, would they just say oh well, and let them track it all through the classroom? Would they not ask him to remove his shoes and at least put them in a bag, if they did not want to wash them off? Hope someone gets in trouble for neglecting their student, and hope your son continues to heal speedily. Poor little guy.

Poor little boy! My dcs have very sensitive skin and have been left with blisters/bleeding etc even with regular changing and cleaning so I can imagine how bad it must have got!

I'm wanting to give the teacher and the TA the benefit of doubt, and say maybe they both have colds and can't smell anything...but that doesn't explain the TA saying he'd stepped in something - she obviously could smell! ( & WTF?- you don't let a child who has stepped in dog poo wear the shoes in school, you bag them up and they wear pumps)

I've collected my DS from school in Y2 and found he'd had diarrhea. Luckily no "nappy rash", but that teacher was a bitch who didn't listen when he said he had tummy ache and needed the toilet, and he obviously didn't feel able to tell her he'd soiled himself. I never brought it up with her either. She was scary.

So OP don't be a wimp like me, definitely bring it to the attention of the head!

Your child should have told the teacher or TA that he had had an accident when he was asked. But he didn't, did he? Teachers/TAs can't go around checking 30 sets of pants to find out where a smell is coming from.

No teacher would deliberately leave a child in a soiled state on purpose.

Some of the posts on here i.e. threatening to call Ofsted, calling the Head an idiot etc are a ridiculous over reaction.

It isn't pleasant for you or your child that this happened. But in fairness to the staff at the school, they did ask him and he denied it. What would the reaction have been on here if the thread had been about a terrible smell in the classroom and a child's pants had been checked against their will? Only for nothing to be found. Call for the teacher to be sacked? Contact Ofsted/Social Services?

he is FOUR and has not long started at school of course he didnt say but all it would have taken from the TA or the teacher was a firm, well lets just go to the bathroom and check just to make sure and if he still wouldnt co-operate then call his mother! not LEAVE him in poo soaked clothes for the whole afternoon!

and the school have not responded to the op's request to talk to them to discuss the issue so yes she should take it further.

There is no way DS1 would have said anything to a teacher at age 4 if that happened. DS2 would have said straight away. All 4 year olds are different. You cannot blame the child.

You might not expect a child to sayindependently if they'd had an accident. But I would expect a child to answer a direct question. He's four, not two. Enjoy your witch hunt.

Oh come on jewelled! If there's a bit of a whiff and a child who hadn't eaten his lunch is currently looking very glum and uncomfortable it doesn't take a genius to work out where it might be coming from.

I've been following your thread lady and I really hope your wee soldier is feeling better very soon

Jewelled - that's ridiculous. I would wager that most 4 year olds would have been embarrassed to say (or admit) something to the teacher in these circs. The teacher and TA are the adults here and should have helped a little boy in distress. Not to mention the hygiene implications.

And it is appalling that the Head has not called back to discuss something so serious.

Jewelled - I have to agree with the poster above, you are being a little unreasonable. My DD (3.5) had soiled herself at Nursery the other day. She is quite articulate and could have said, but she was too embarrassed/upset/worried. She even denied it when asked by a suspicious adult. Apparently it took some gentle reassurance and coaxing to get her to say she needed changing. I am assuming that is all this little boy would have needed had some one taken the time.
I am teacher too and I think the staff should have done more in this instance. Given they are busy, but they have a duty of care and this child's comfort and dignity should have taken precedence over anything else that was going on.

God, that is shocking OP

jewelled- I remember in P2 (aged 5/6) a boy had an accident. Noone owned up when asked, so the teachers discretely took us all out individually and sniffed our butts!!!! Noone was made aware who had done it (although he came back with different trousers on, so we guessed) and nothing more was said about it. That was in the 70s!!!! So perfectly feasible for the teacher/ TA to try to look into it- my case was in the day when we had 1 teacher among 30 of us, and no TAs, and they still managed to sort it out.

A 4yo should not be relied upon to own up to such an embarrassing incident, and I would say it does reflect very badly on the school/ teacher, especially when it led to so much distress Poor wee guy.

jewelled what train did you get off! The boy is only 4 and has Austism, no I would not expect him to be able to answer a direct question! The school has a duty of care, and they did not adhere to that!

Morning Sponkle/redwinelady

Have been following this thread and feeling so sad for your DS.

YANBU and I can't quite believe that the Head hasn't rung you back yet.

Hope that he's feeling better today :)

Hugs to you both x

hope he is feeling better today and the school actually bother to call you!

and re him telling someone, i just remembered that earlier this term my 9yr old ds2, got poorly at school, he managed to dash of to the toilet as he could feel he was about to have an upset tummy, but didnt quite get his trouser and pants down in time, so ended up wet and dirty. he was DISTRAUGHT, he didnt go tell anyone he tried to clean himself up and couldnt so locked himself in the toilets and sobbed :( his teacher went to look for him, found him and it took his teacher a few mins to get him to calm down and sort out what the issue was. the teacher then helped him get cleaned up and found some clean clothes for him and then called me to go and get him as he was still very upset and obviously not well. this was a NINE year old nad no he didnt ask for help, he didnt want to go back into the classroom obviously, to get help and hwne the teacher came he was embarrassed and upset. so the teacher calmed him down and was kind and understanding.

if a teacher can do that for my nine yr old i am amazed that no-one could do that for a 4yr old in reception!

My 5yo dd had an accident in Reception, just after starting school. She is not autistic; she is one of the oldest in her year. Did she tell the teacher? No, she hid in the bushes, where some older children found her and went to get help.

The TA cleaned her up and took me aside at pick-up time to explain what had happened. When I asked dd about it, she flatly denied it had happened.

Oh, and both my children have had vicious toxic poo that acted like acid on their skin. NOTHING about the OP's experience seems implausible to me.

I feel sorry for your poor DS, but given that you didn't actually know for certain that he'd had an accident, much less that it was diarrhoea that was blistering his skin, until you stripped him off at home, I don't really see how the school were supposed to know without doing the same.

I agree that denying he has had an accident when being asked directly is not at all the same as not voluntarily telling a teacher.

I can imagine the AIBU for the opposite situation where a child was asked if he'd soiled himself, denied it, and was then accused of lying and stripped off by a teacher/TA anyway, and found not to have had an accident.

It's horrible for your DS but it is an important lesson in life that if you want help, you do sometimes have to speak up for yourself. Even at 4.

Morning.

Just called the school again and demanded the Head call me today. expressed my dissappointment that he hasn't done so already.

Taken photos this morning of sores. Thanks for the advice about metanium, used that yesterday and last night and sores are continuing to heal.

Can I just clarify that it was very obvious DS had had an accident when I collected him from school, I could see he was wet and suspected he had pooed himself because of the smell. As he was so upset and refused my request to take him inside to sort it out, I thought it best to just get home and deal with it there in a safe, comfortable environment he would be happier with. Had I known the extent of DS's state I would have dealt with it at school and demanded to see a first adider.

My son has autistic traits and I see this as reason for him not telling anyone including me what had happened. That is because I understand him and his needs. I had been reassured at parents evening that his teacher did too, although that is now in question.

Of course I have doubts about the school now. Especially in view of the way they have handled the situation. To be honest, I don't really ever want him to go back there again, but he has friends there that he has grown up with in the village and was settling in so well before this happened I just don't know what to do for the best. Change is a huge big deal for people who need to feel safe and secure within a specific routine, I don't want to make things any harder for him, but I have lost all confidence in how well euipped the school is to care for him just now.

OP - How is DS this morning? Are you going to call the Head again? Perhaps school thought they had done their bit by getting the teacher to call and didn't realise you still wanted to speak to the head?

Morning. Sorry you aren't making much progress. Sounds like they are ignoring you now.

X-posts - glad DS is feeling better. Hope the head call v soon.

Difficult to know about changing his school. I suppose a call to your LEA to find out which schools in your area have a Reception place would be an idea. Then you'd know whether any schools that you like do have a place. Agree that it may be a bit drastic to move him now though. I think I'd wait to talk to the head and try and get to the bottom of how this was allowed to happen.

I told dh about this thread last night. He was just as horrified at it as i was/am.

Your poor little ds. I have a 4 year old who has just started school and could weep to think of the same thing happening to him.

I really hope the school take some responsibilty for this. You are handling it very well under the circs. I am furious on your behalf.