AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

I would be very upset about this too.

Small though re the post which refers to getting to the bottom of the matter.

Hello, it's me, Sponkle. Had to create a new account as I got corrupted when the site crashed earlier and MN haven't got round to sorting it out yet. what a palava.

Little man is tucked up in bed, having had a bath! Bless him, he is still very sore but it is improving and he is being ever so brave about it. He was actually able to move easily today and got dressed in loose fitting clothes too. The bath really helped and lashings of sudocrem along with plenty of tlc and cuddles from me all day.

I waited in all day for the Head to call but heard nothing other than the call from the teacher I posted about this morning. Have decided in this case it is best to put it all in writing and will be sending copies of my letter of formal complaint to the Board of Governers and Ofsted too.

If you can, photograph the state his skin has got into, in case you need some evidence later. This is a bad situation. They are very neglectful of the young children in their care and you may need to take them on in future, if not now.

tyler80, they should have checked pants. Four is too young to leave this to chance and this age group are barely young enough to be at school, let alone be able to toilet themselves reliably.

Hello Sponkle/Lady, I'm glad your little boy is feeling better, and it sounds like he has had a nice day with Mummy! I am agog that the Head has not been back in touch with you - I would think he would've been in touch just to get his defence in if nothing else (I might be doing him a diservice there, although I doubt it). Agree with writing to him and the Govs. I think I'd keep the Ofsted big gun til later if necessary!

boffinmum they are not allowed to check pants, thanks to the H&S brigade!

Hi Hananh, why would you keep Oftsed til later?

Bollocks.

Head teachers are in 'loco parentis' (legally in the place of the parents) and if they are directed to by the head teacher, staff members can check pants, put suncream on, remove willies from zips and anything else required in the course of the school day for the children's welfare. If a school says otherwise they are telling porky pies. They may have been advised by a council jobsworth or teaching union to think twice before doing any of this stuff, but that is quite a different matter from it being illegal or banned.

Moreover, if they failed to do something, and the child subsequently ended up injured or seriously distressed in some way, they might have a personal injury case on their hands.

People are very quick to blame Elf n Safety for any number of silly theories about how we are supposed to live these days. HSE would be the first to point out that they have nothing to do with any of this rubbish and hate having their organisation invoked every time some petty bureaucrat wanted to play power games and look important.

YANBU, poor little lad

Personally speaking I would have stropped into school and told them that the next time my child came home with weeping sores on his skin because they hadn't looked after him properly, they would be reported to the relevant authorities for child neglect. But I do have a reputation for not suffering fools gladly.

I would have gladly stropped into school today and done exactly as you suggest, only I thought keeping my son at home in a safe and nurturing environment was more important, I can take issue with the school later (if they won't return my calls) but I cannot delay helping my son recover physically and emotionally from what happened to him yesterday. I also do not want him to be party to my discussions witht he school, he has been through enough.

I've been watching your thread, but felt i needed to say and whole heartedly agree with other posters when your ds has been treated appallingly and i hope he heals soon.

There is no excuse possible for the situation your found your son in, i am so sad for him.

I am appalled! Like others I have a 4yr in reception.

That said her sister who is now 19months suffered really bad pooing that didn't smell more like "follow through" sorry if TMI and got really sore to the point that i could change a nappy every 30mins layers of sudacream and still got to the bleeding stage....

At home we were nappy free (thank god for wood flooring) the mess from diaorrea and constant weeing drove me nuts.... however literally within 30mins of a nappy change her skin was raw near to bleeding....

With the school, I would give till 9am tomorrow for the head to call back..... if not I'd write a firm letter, hand delivered around 9:30am before they try to call you to find out were your son is, if they call I'd say your not prepared to send your son back due to the neglect and lack of care, until you've discussed the matter with the head. I'd also put in the letter your requesting wokr for your son (this is assuming you are a SAHM or have childcare that you can do this with) I'd also be including a "cropped" picture of your sons legs.
I know you said it looked sus with your hand covering his dignity, I'd be inclinde to put picture in paint and just cover that area with black so its blacked out etc....

My letter would not only be about neglect, and welfare of your son, but also about the responsibilities of the staff to other children exposing them to health risks. I would also be inclinde to say that your son is not happy to return to school because of how emotionally upset he is over the experience, and your are appalled at the lack of diginity he has been given, furthermore your extreme disappointment in the phone call from the teacher when you expressed you wished to discuss with the head.

I'd be copying the letter to the school governers and to the local council education officer/director...

Ofsted I'd like the other poster leave them as an escalation point.....

I don't suffer fools gladly at all, don't get me wrong, I'd support my team no matter what (a different field no human health involved) but if something like this happened I'd be outraged! every human/animal/living being needs dignity.

The bath really helped and lashings of sudocrem along with plenty of tlc and cuddles from me all day.

I don't know about anyone else but this thread and the OP's lovely comments about her DS made me nostalgic about my own childhood where nobody looked after you better than mummy and she made everything alright. Feel a bit If only life were that simple now.

i would be livid in the same circumstances. i think you've handled it well so far, but a well worded formal complaint in writing would really help.

not the same thing, but my daughter's nursery decided not to change her for the best part of one day. when i took off the nappy, i thought she'd been scalded. i still cry when i think about how long it took to heal and how much pain she was in. hope your son is well on the mend.

I would be fuming if I was you, even more so now the Head hasn't bothered to ring you back.

I don't believe for a minute that the Teacher, TA and 29 other children all failed to notice the smell and uncomfortable behaviour from your DS. It also shows that they obviously don't offer a hug to an upset child, something the TA in DD1s class is always happy to do. Even if your DS doesn't like cuddles surely one of the adults would have go near to gim when he became upset, to quietly talk to him about what the problem is.

I also don't get, if DS had trod in something , why the TA woudn't need to investigate a little more where this had happened...are they quite happy for kids to be playing in a playground with a pile of dog or fox poo lying waiting for another 10 of them to stand in? Either knew he'd had an accident and didn't care, or she took a pretty irresponsible attitude towards DS and the rest of the class's health if she genuinely thought he'd trod in something.

A1980 it made me want my mummy too

Could he have been embarrassed to tell them? I don't think that would be unusual but I would have thought a teacher could have been able to tell the difference between diarrhoea and something he'd stepped in and whether he denied anything was wrong or not surely it shouldn't have been ignored. I'd have been fuming.

She is indeed a lovely mummy.

Poor little chap, how awful for him:(

My DD had an accident this summer in reception, they have a system, where they have a blue rope for boys and a red rope for girls, so only one child can go toilet at a time, a child had gone to the toilet and left the rope in there, (happens alot) my DD asked to go but was told no, as someone was already in there, asked again, again told no, so she waited and waited until she wet herself as she was to afraid to ask again
She was dealt with swiftly, cleaned and a change of clothes but heard this morning that a new child in reception pooed himself waiting for this bloody rope, makes me cross, if a child asks to go, they obviously need to go, so let them rather than let them have an accident.

Make sure you speak to the head, he should have made you a priority, making out he stepped in something is a poor idle excuse.

Glad ds is feeling happier today. Thought about your poor ds several times today, I was telling dh about this thread when we dropped ds off at school (also 4 and has accidents ALOT). Teacher overheard us and was shocked and asked who, I said it wasn't anyone at the school (much to her relief).

At our school, they change ds quickly but then put his soiled stuff in his book bag causing all his work and books to smell just delightful!

Did the head phone back?

Thanks for all your support and lovely messages, I cried last night when I read how some of you think I'm a nice Mum!

Still no response from the Head. I have to go to the garage this morning to take the car as it's broken...things all seem to happen at once don't they? but when I get home again I shall be on the phone demanding he call me today, and then I shall sit down and write the letter. Thanks too for all the great advice with regards to the letter, I shall bear it all in mind.

DS is better still today after a good night's sleep, and the sores are diminishing nicely. I have to say that I am quite surprised at how bad they still are but am not showing DS the extent of my feelings, just reassuring him that they are getting much better. The sudocrem has dried them out nicely and where they were worst are now scabbing over, sorry if TMI. I have photos and will take some more today to highlight the extent of his ordeal if that is how they are 2 days later.

This happened a few time to me with both DC, a phone call to let me know what had occured, or they would catch me before I collected them was kind of them. They changed them, they had spare pants and trousers at school and probably babywiped them too. I didn't mind and was grateful to the TA who was very caring. I don't know how they could let a child smell and sit in their own poo all day, I think that is VU. At the very least, they could have rang you to collect him in the same circumstances as if he was ill. They are definatley at fault here. YANBU.

Morning Redwinelady. Your poor DS is still suffering two days later over something that the school could have prevented.

Sorry to hear about the car too-you are right that everything happens at once.