Feelings of anger SIL pregnant

[KIWIFTM]

After 7 months of charting my cycles and staying a strict diet, no alcohol, fertility yoga and taking a romantic 2 week holiday - I'm still not pregnant.
I have just found out that my SIL is pregnant and am finding it really hard to be happy for them. In fact I'm feeling really angry at them. Firstly I had let on to my brother that we were trying and they kept that to themselves ( we live in different countries). I feel like I've been lied to and now I am expected to be happy, with the added heartbreak of not being pregnant myself. I think they're being unrealistic about a happy reaction from me.
I was on the phone to my family the other day and I was passed over to my SIL, as they are only 6 weeks I had been told not to talk about it, so I didn't. We have quite a 'superficial' relationship and I never share my feelings with her, so when I emailed to say how I was feeling I think she thought I was dumping on her. Now my SIL is kicking up a fuss saying I am not happy for them and am causing problems in our family. What do they need from me anyway? they've got what they want - Am I being unreasonable?

Oh God you have royally fucked up here. Please listen to everyone on here as you cannot see the wood for the trees.

Say sorry, keep it simple: 'I was feeling slightly mad that day, I am so happy for you - I do apologise.'

Are you my SIL??? This is how she reacted to me being pregnant. She'd planned to be pregnant first and a contraception failure meant that dd was the first grandchild. She wrote me a letter about how I was stealing her thunder blah blah blah.

Pregnancy hormones are a nightmare and I was very upset at her reaction. Our relationship is now dead and we don't speak as she continued to project her jealousy into the way she treated dd.

I didn't know how to react to being told I was selfish and how I needed to wait for her to have the first grandchild. Surely any child is a blessing and not a competition.

You'll end up with a family like ours who has to tiptoe round the eggshells to ensure she doesn't flip again.

Though absolutely no need to call OP a bitch FFS.

What everyone else has said. I know it's hard when it seems to be taking time to conceive and even though less than a year is normal it does eat you up, I know that.

But you know you were extremely unfair and unkind to your poor brother and SIL. Quite apart from them having done absolutely nothing wrong them having a baby doesn't affect you having one, there aren't a finite number of babies in the world.

A phone call and a grovelling apology is definitely needed ASAP. Don't let it ruin your relationship with your brother and new niece or nephew even if your SIL isn't your favourite person.

YABVVVVU ok you are having difficulties conceiving and thats really bad, I was in kind of a similar boat to you, all friends getting pg with their 2,3,4 dc, me not, and 2 mc, and still no baby (i have a dd previously btw). I just had to bite my tongue and be happy for them.

its not her fault you are having problmes, and they have every right to conceive, just because you cant does not mean they are not allowed to. i would apologise if I were you, and keep it to yourself in the future.

No need to start slinging names around. The OP has behave badly but there is an emotional reason behind it.

I do wonder if this is a reverse AIBU?

Been there. Horrible for you but YABVU. Quickly send a simple email apologising, she will understand and then keep your envy private.

7 months is not long. Do as someone suggested and get the ovulation sticks. If you are the not preggers within 3 months then go to doctors. You mention going on a diet. Weight makes a big difference

Also they didn't lie to you. It is really difficult for close family when someone is trying and some else just gets pregnant easily and quickly. There is an awkwardness because they do not want to hurt you but equally are delighted for themselves.

Oh dear, yes YABVU. How have you been lied to? Like many others have said your brother and SIL may have been trying for ages and not told anyone or it may have just happened to them. It's not their fault and I'm sure they didn't get pregnant on purpose to hurt you.

Try and be a little kinder to yourself, 7 months isn't that long (although I know it feels like it). We were trying for well over 2 years so I do understand your pain and anger. I felt it a lot when people were getting pregnant left right and centre around me but.....to tell your SIL your feelings about this is not right. She is probably all mixed up with pregnancy hormones and you've just dumped on her.

You need to apologise. On the phone or a personal letter. Not an email.

YANBU to be feeling angry, hurt, jealous. But you are BVVVU to tell her all of that. She didn't get pregnant to spite you, love. So whilst no one would expect you to put on a song and dance about it, you could at least smile. Email her back and apologise.

For what its worth, I fell pregnant by accident at 17, completely undesireable circamstances. I knew at the time that my aunt and uncle had been trying for a while. I felt very guilty. But there was nothing I could do about it. I know she felt jealous at the time, as we have talked about it since. As it is, they have a stunningly beautiful daughuer six months after my son was born.

As much as it may hurt you, don't ruin this special time for them. If you can't be happy for her, be happy for your brother.

You can't help feeling like you do but YABVVVU to let your SIL know this. She has every right to enjoy her pregnancy without having to deal with your issues.

And FWIW I got pg after ttc for 7 months and thought myself very lucky to have not had any problems and caught so quickly - so relax, 7 months isn't that long at all.

Your feelings cannot be helped but no way should you have done this.

It's hard, as other have said, to hear others announce their pg when you have been ttc even for a short time. My SIL told us she thought she was pg (she was) on my Birthday a couple of years ago. We had only been ttc for a couple of months but I was gutted - especially as my lovely niece was a result of contraception failure. Did I show it? Did I hell. And, luckily, gave birth to my own lovely DS exactly one year to the day later.

IME, ttc can send you a bit loopy, but you have to remember that life goes on and, ultimately, their baby will be part of your family, hopefully a cousin for your own DC. Do you want this bad feeling between them? You really should apologize.

I would email her again saying sorry and explaining your true feelings behind why you were so jealous, she may understand.
If she is only 6 weeks then its early days, something could go wrong. How would you feel then? Terrible I am sure.
Remember its your brothers baby too so you should be happy for him.
I can imagine its not been nice ttc for 7 months but I am sure it will happen soon.

Oh dear, everybody else is right I'm afraid. How would you feel if someone took the shine off if it were you. You really need to sort this out.
I hope things work out well for you.

YABU

Why are you doing all the diet, yoga etc? Why not just chill out and see what happens instead of putting all this pressure on yourself?
Obviously if you have diagnosed fertility problems then that is a different thing.

Your poor brother and SIL, I really think you need to apologise before the battle lines become entrenched.

The email was not nasty at all and was to both her and my brother- It actually said congratulations and apologized for not knowing if I should talk to her about their news on the phone to explain why I hadn't said anything. I just gave her and my brother an update and said that I was a bit upset that friends were pregnant, so it wasn't directed at her at all or nasty in any way - just more of an update.

A few people have mentioned the OP's SIL getting pregnant 'quickly' or 'easily'. We don't know that's the case. When the OP told her brother they were trying (which, if I'm honest, I find quite odd anyway) he may have not wanted to reveal he and his partner had been trying for a long time/ were having treatment/ had lost pregnancies.

Well it is easy for people to take things the wrong way on a screen though. Email isn't the best way to go about these things.

It sounds like you didn't mean any harm, but she has taken it the wrong way. I still say a phone call to apologize and smooth things over is the best thing to do. Really they didn't need your update at that point, just your congratulations and best wishes.

Even though, you should not say that you are upset that friends were pg and you are not, as that also encompasses them too. You do need to apologise, btw somebody on here recommended reading The Guide to Getting Pregnant by Zita West, its really good.

Yabu. Even with your clarification as to what was in the email, you still shouldn't have sent it. Can absolutely understand your feelings of frustration and resentment but your poor SIL shouldn't have had to receive a bitter email from you regarding what is possibly one of the happiest announcements of her life! I think a swift apology is required....

It is difficult hearing about and seeing other pregnancies when you are ttc. I took just over 2 years to fall and stay pregnant with dd so I have been there. It is normal to feel some pangs of jealousy (I had a few quiet sobs to myself) but you must keep those to yourself.

You were VVV unreasonable to send that e-mail. They did not lie to you, it is not their fault you are not pregnant yet, they are not having a baby to get at you.

I'm sorry that you haven't got what you want, OP, but that's hardly your brother and SIL's fault, is it? You chose to tell your brother your were trying to conceive, he chose not to tell you that they were. Both were right. You don't have the right to expect family members to share private details with you.

Of course you're disappointed but you now have to send a sincere apology for that dismissive e-mail, you've made it all about YOU and it's caused offence. You were well out of line and you know it (hopefully).

Put your disappointment to one side, send a genuine and heartfelt apology to your brother and SIL and feign happiness for them even if you don't feel it. It's obligatory to keep the peace in a family and you'll have to suck that up, I'm afraid. Bite the bullet - make it good and you'll only need to do it once.