to say this to a child?

[MarieFromStMoritz]

OK, my DS is being regularly beaten up by a boy in his year. My DS is 6 years old and the other child is about the same. I have spoken to the teacher about it, and she spoke to the child. We thought that would be the end of it. However, my DS came home on Thursday and told us that not only had this child done it again, but he was getting other children to hit him, too. I asked DH where the teacher was, and he said that she was talking to some other children, so didn't see. He said he then went to speak to her but she was busy talking to other people, and then the bell went.

So, I have been seething about this all weekend. My DS is a delightful little boy and wants to be friends with everyone. I love him so much and cannot bear the thought of anybody hurting him.

So, this morning I asked DS to point out this child, which he did. I went over to the child with my DS so that he knew who I was. I bent down to the child's level, pointed my finger an inch from his face, and said: "if you ever hurt my son again, there will be trouble. Do you understand me?" The child's lip started quivering and he walked away.

I was stood in the playground for a while to keep an eye on things, and this child kept looking at me. It occurred to me afterwards that as I was wearing sunglasses, he could not see whether or not I was looking at him. He looked a bit intimidated and afterwards I felt quite bad.

My job is to protect my child, non? But why do I feel so bad? And WIBU? Thanks.

Davey I didn't say that it wasn't the boys fault he was bullying if he has a bad home life, just that frightening him is not the best way to deal with it and also not very nice.

The school need to deal with it. The school may have more of an idea why this boy is acting out and hopefully have a more appropriate way of handling it than the op did.

Yes she did threaten the child, to the point his lip was wobbing.

Don't know if anyone else has picked up on this as I haven't read the replies but OP you say this happened in the school yard "today" but you posted this thread this morning - Sunday! It's not even Monday on the other side of the world yet!

Yes I noticed this aswell

I wondered about that too hexagonal - I'm guessing it's outside of UK and somewhere they might have Saturday school.

However back to the OP - I think you went a bit over the top and would generally say: speak to class teacher, if no effect write to class teacher, if no effect - straight to head.

OTH - I remember when my ds was six and a chap of 7 in the class above was meteing out a constant low level barrage against DS. We had provocatoin in the dining hall and the child told the dinner ladies ds had sworn; we had ds being elbowed out of the football games, we had the child telling other boys ds had wet himself; finally the boy grabbed ds's football gloves and threw them in the air losing one to a first floor gutter. Having had a few quiet words when I heard about that one at home time, I found the boy and told him that if I heard about one more incident I would be telephoning his mother and then going to see the head. He looked absolutely terrified but he never went near ds ever again.

For all those who have said you can't take your son's word for it OP - neither can anyone take the perpetrators word for the fact that his lip quivered

I think YABU, but more than that incredibly foolish.

If your intimidating behaviour is reported back to the school you are going to find it incredibly difficult to get support for your son should this behaviour towards him continue. You have become the agressor an will attract very little sympathy.

I would never have done this. You really don't know the full story. And you acting like a psycho bit of a bully.

Talk to the teacher first!!

Wow.

My kids are at school this morning - guess it depends where in the world you are

married we're not be asked to take the perpetrators word are we? The lip quivering isn't bein reported by him

I'm with seeker. 6 year olds do not make good witnesses. What exactly has been happeneing to your son at school?

I hold to point the fact that my 5 yo dd came home one day saying that her bff had bitten her for no reason at all. She had the bite marks to prove it, much sympathy was given.
I found out later (after various things meant messages did not get to me from school) that my dd had admitted telling her BFF to bite her, and then grassing her up to the teacher so she got sympathy.
And she is 5.

You did the wrong thing imo. Even taking everything at face value the school has not been given the chance to deal with this as the teacher is unaware of what happened.

You should have gone through the correct channels; teacher, head teacher etc. Your job is to protect your child, but to do it through following the rules, rather than showing him that threats are the way to achieve your aim.
If you behaved in an intimidating manner to a child on our school grounds, you would be running the risk of being banned from them. Certainly you would be given a warning and it would go on file.

YABU, essentially you just bullied a 6 year old. I can understand that you want to protect your DS, but so will this other boy's parents.

Personally I find it far more understandable that a 6 year old struggles to understand all our social norms than a fully-grown adult. Or do you think that it's okay to intimidate somebody who's smaller than you?

I think you should be regretting your behaviour and not be surprised if this comes back to bite you.

I expect there will be repercussions here OP. Not a great idea to threaten small children in the school playground when you are a full grown adult.

I know another

"delightful little boy" who "wants to be friends with everyone."

he used to wind other children up until he got hit, his need to be friends although sweet in its self was annoying to other kids as he would force his way in to their games and space.

nothing is ever as sinple as it seems.

Well you'd better hope it worked as you'll have zero credibility with the school now if it continues. A 6 year old? What were you thinking? My youngest cam out if school repeatedly telling me a boy was pushing him over, and there were a few incident forms about playground clashes. I saw one of the incidents - the child tripped and fell into my ds3. I had to then argue with ds3 that however he perceived it - it had actually been accidental! Ds3 would not have it - he wasn't lying - he was just too young to accurately understand what was going on.

Get heavy with the school - not a 6 year old child you know nothing about.

I'm not sure what all the teeth sucking about buses is about either. Children with SN (ie sone of the most vulnerable) have to travel to school on buses. It's not generally a sign of being treated badly. And before you say 'well I wouldn't do it' you would if your cikd's special school was 15 miles away and the other choice was three buses with a wheelchair, or you had other children needing to be dropped at a different school at the same time

I would have confirmed the story first, because 6 year olds can often give one sides view of events.

Its quite feasible for children to get the bus to school on their own in rural areas. The village school I attended as a child sends three buses to pick children up from other villages. There is a chaperone on them though.

I bet it works OP! One of my brothers was badly bullied at school and it didnt stip till my parents stepped in quite robustly. Good for you.

You are being unreasonable. Completely. You just scared the shit out of a little boy. Even if this child has bullied your son (which you dont know for sure is not rough play) you as ab adult are a bully yourself. He is 6 not 16. You lead by example. What does teach that child? It will re-enforce that bullying is indeed ok.
And incidentally how you know he has parents at all? He might be a looked after child who may have just had his trust in adults shattered again.

Blimey. You were totally unreasonable. What were you thinking of threatening a 6 year old? You may find yourself banned from going unaccomnpanied into the school. I am gobsmacked you didnt speak to the teacher.

Whereabouts are you op? You don't need to give specifics of the school-'just many of us are confused about how this happened 'today' on a Sunday.

And. What kind if trouble did you mean? What kind of trouble might he think you mean? What might YOU think of if an adult said that to you? You need to learn to walk in the shoes of others before you act aggressively.

I think Kungfupanda sums up exactly what I would have said.
It wasn't your place to speak to the boy on school premises particularly when he was without his parent.

Good for you OP, well done. xx

I'm puzzled about the time too, it's only 10pm Sunday in NZ so where are you OP?
Where in the world is it Monday now?

Must be a wind up. No sane person would point a finger an inch away from a 6 year old's face and threaten him. I am amazed anyone thinks the op did a great thing.