To be surprised 3 out of 6 children didn't bring a gift to dds party?

[Lollyheart]

I'm happy that they came to her party,I'm just surprised 3 children didn't give a present, I personally couldn't send dd to a party without a present.

Looking from the outside I would say the parents had no financial problems, but you can't never tell what's going on on the inside I guess,
We don't live in a deprived area, I know the parents work etc.

One of the girls that gave her some money made her a necklace, dd loves it and hasn't taken it off.

I'm still feeling sad that she never had anything to open, I hope she forgets and won't be a memory she has when's she an adult that she never had and any presents for her 7th birthday

I know a child (and his parents) who never takes a present to parties despite the fact we take presents to his. It's because his parents are weird and tight. A few of us have stopped accepting invitations to his parties now because it pisses us off which is a shame for the little boy.

There's nowt as queer as folk.

Well did you get her presents? Realtives? She did have cards and money....just make a special trip out of spending the money and make sure you reierate that what she buys was her friends gift.

YANBU to be surprised, no. You are BU to even suggest that this may somehow have lasting consequences for your DD!

She wanted an mp3 player so family put money towards it so we could get her a good one.

I'm taking her to hobby craft later to spent her money, she will be in her element, of course i will make sure she knows it's from her friends.

I now know to get her lots of little things for Xmas to unwrap, I was going to get her one main present but I guess at 7 it's not about the present but the excitement of opening the presents

Difficult one. A couple of people turned up to dd's party without a present but she got so many anyway she didn't even notice and i didn't care - I only know because there were more children than presents and I don't know who came without them! I don't think its the be all and end all but giving a present does seem to be what is socially acceptable

Personally I'd not want to send DD without a present on the grounds of politeness and also because she like to take somethig However, I don't always spend that much. Indeed she's off to a party today and the present and card were under £3 altogether but I'm hoping birthday girl will like them

How odd? YANBU

Themightyfandango I think that's mean, why spite the boy?

Ds1 is 14 and recently told me, on the day, that the trip to the cinema with his friend was a birthday trip. No food provided but they did pay his entry. So I quickly put a fiver in a card and send chocolate and sweets too. I'm certainly not loaded.

A fiver in a card is all that's required with a 14 year old I should think.... but with 7 year olds I always send a nicely wrapped gift...I know that's what my 7 year old likes.

When I have been short of cash, I buy a cheap bag from Claires sale or from NewLook and fill it with crap bits from a pound shop or Asda craft section....funnily enough those have alwys gone down really well...little girls love a bag of old tat!

It's good to plan and have a box for gifts and cards. Even saving things given that are unwanted or buying books in bulk as they're unisex. For older children I agree cash is ok, it would've been £10 if I'd had more notice.

Mumbling I agree girls love Tat my youngest went to claires yesterday and came home with TATT she does not need sigh , Im still suprised that some people think its ok to go to a kids party without something , i can remember when DDs were in primary and i was skint even a box of sweets or a craft set seems to go down well , with children its not about whats inside its about opening a present ,

I'm sorry but I do think you Abu to be so hung up over it you start a thread and hope your child will not be affected by it.
Some of the children brought gifts.is that not sufficient?
Wimpy
What a lot of tosh....affluent people making others feel lesser.
The people I know who do it ....ask for no gifts.........are the nicest people I know.......just not materialistic and petty in their expectations of what people should give them.it is good for kids to learn that not everyone follows some kind of known rules on what you should give, under obligation and for them to appreciate their friends' company at their party.
Good lesson for your daughter......depending on how you responded at the time.
Weddings, parties.....it has gone way over the top today and people are considering what they can get back from people, after they have chosen an expensive way to celebrate....not saying that is you but generally things have just gotvgreedy.
Weddings are the worst....so diff from 20 years ago.you know to decline a wedding if you cannot afford at least a 50 quid gift on top of the expenses of going.
Don,t get me started on hen nights and exotic locations for weddings.
Self indulgent twaddle.
I bet your daughter has taken it in her stride and just accepts it as just how it was this b day.

cherry giving a gift, no matter HOW small is an old and good tradition. It comes from wishing luck and giving a token of your good thoughts towards the person.

If you are from a background where there has been a lot of ostentatious giving, then it's understandable...but most children don't get tonnes of things and their birthday is a time when they like to recieve gifts from friends.

My DD really likes the idea that the classmates have brought her something that they chose themselves...or made...hence the ones she treasures are the things people made.

Not read the whole thread. YANBU to be surprised - in my experience most, if not all, bring presents. But YWBU to have expected them or to teach your dd to expect them.
I usually spend in the region of 10 pound but if I couldn't afford anything decent I would just send a card with a present to follow if/when I could afford it. I wouldn't, as some have suggested, give a pack of chocolate buttons!

I think it is odd that 3 out of 6 children did not give a present. Even fairly poor parents of my dc have given something. However, I do not think children really care about such things. Certainly they won't remember it in years to come. I remember the very basic parties my poor parents gave as a child but do not remember receiving any presents.

I agree with cherrysodalover

I was taught never to expect presents. I think that if you are throwing a celebration of any description, you are throwing it for the people you are inviting to celebrate with you. It's not about what you can get out of it from other people. Acknowlegement of someones birthday is giving a nice birthday card. Receiving a gift as well as a card is a bonus imo.

Yanbu to think it's strange but yabu to expect gifts from each child.

at themightyfandamgo! That poor child no friends coming to his parties because your child gets nothing in return! Boo to that! Yabu!!

Someone once told me that they love children's parties because where else can you take your child (sometimes more if siblings are invited too) to be entertained for a couple of hours, fed, loaded up with a weeks worth of treats and end up with a party bag in return for the cost of a small present.

YANBU

You took them to the cinema and then bought lunch. Not bringing a small token gift is extremely rude. I always ask the parent what can I buy the child for their birthday as I hate wasteful gifts. However I am only generous to those who are generous back. I find that the people with the least are often the most generous whereas people in the 5-bed houses are the ones with their fist clenched tightly around every pound. Plus, come on, we all have a draw of recycled gifts!!!!

I would make a mental note and when it is their child's birthday I would only send them a card too. I don't usually give to receive, but I won't spend money on people who lack manners.

It's cards I think are the pointless showy waste (unless home made by the child, which is different) - what on earth is the point of a shop bought card if you are there for the party, rather than posting it because you live too far away to say happy birthday in person?

Contentious?

I hate e cards too - what is the point? Speak to the person to say happy birthday.

A bit ot I know, but often the card has cost well over a pound, where parents are not the organised types who stock up on multi-buy deals (and they are a waste of trees).

You must be my twin - I cant see the point of cards

I feel a whole new thread coming on!

Exactly why do people buy someone living in their household a card to wish them happy birthday/christmas etc etc? just say it.
Ditton sending 300 christmas cards - If i dont phone them that day, I dont send it. It's a s simple as that.

Cards are the adult version of collecting friends on FB a sort of "ooh Im so popular i got 300 cards this year"

I sent my dd to her first birthday party without a gift. I still feel cringey about it, but at the time it seemed ok. The party was for one of our NCT friends. We had a joint NCT birthday party and all decided to pick a name out of a hat and buy only for that child, and then after all of this had been decided this family organised a separate party.

I felt bad about the whole thing, and we're not friends now. Maybe that's why!

I would be suprised too. I've never sent DD to a party without a gift, can't imagine ever doing so. In all her parties never had anyone turn up withpout something either.

it wouldn't particularly bother me if they did, but it would be unusual ime.

I was never taught to expect presents, but I was taught to GIVE presents.

It would cost me £3 on the bus to get to my nearest Poundland or similar, which would kind of defeat the purpose .

I have never needed to send the dc to a party empty handed luckily. Equally, I would be really sad if any of dcs friends didn't come to a party because the present was a problem.

Oh, but my DD loves her cards. She opens them before her presents and always reads them, likes to have them stood up on the window sill for the week, and then will use them for craft afterwards.