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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised 3 out of 6 children didn't bring a gift to dds party?

157 replies

Lollyheart · 19/11/2011 18:22

I'm happy that they came to her party,I'm just surprised 3 children didn't give a present, I personally couldn't send dd to a party without a present.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 19/11/2011 19:35

eggrules - it's great. The attendees love putting the money in the piggy, birthday child loves choosing something special, attendees mums parents don't have to find a present, birthday child's mum parents don't have to house toysRus Grin

DoMeDon · 19/11/2011 19:39

YANBU - I'd be surprised too - not annoyed just surprised. It's not the norm at parties I've been to.

I genuinely didn't expect presents from everyone at DD's party (invited nursery crowd who I've not met) but I would've been more than surprised if my friend's DC (who are same age as DD) had not bought her a little present.

Hardgoing · 19/11/2011 19:48

I am astonished by this, the first thing the children do is come up and give their card and present to the birthday child. How old is your child? Did they all know it was a birthday party? Were triplets invited from one very forgetful mother?

I would have to know more to judge :)

StealthPenguin · 19/11/2011 20:02

Hang on, I must be missing something...

How is expecting the guests of a planned birthday party to bring a gift grabby?! It's a BIRTHDAY PARTY, of course people should bring a gift! Even on my brothers birthday, we gave him a gift card and also bought him a Top Gear annual... just so he had something to unwrap on the day.

I think it's even more cheeky to not bring a gift, but just because you assume someone will bring a gift doesn't make you grabby!

Do these people also assume that you shouldn't expect Christmas Gifts from your close family?! What rubbish.

StealthPenguin · 19/11/2011 20:03

And YANBU - they were very rude to show up without something to show for it. Cash is just lazy as well - it's so impersonal. If you want to give money, at least put it on a giftcard so they can spend it somewhere that they like.

twinklytroll · 19/11/2011 20:08

I don't think you should ever expect a gift from anyone.

StealthPenguin · 19/11/2011 20:13

I think that, if you send out a birthday party invitation to a group of small children, they confirm their attendence, and then they show up with a card, then they bloody well realize it's a birthday party and should therefore bring a gift. Especially since in this case the OP was taking all of the children out to the cinema as well as throwing a party. All at their own expense! So even a polite "thank you" gift to the child for even inviting your child in the first place is most definitely in order.

TheOriginalFAB · 19/11/2011 20:15

It is a bit much to expect a child not to expect a present for their birthday.

StealthPenguin · 19/11/2011 20:17

Exactly my point, TheOriginalFAB.

When you can't expect presents on your own birthday, when on earth can you expect it?!

tralalala · 19/11/2011 20:19

unless by agreement (which a few of my friends and I have made) YANBU, even a handmade card and a £1 shop toy just explain skint to the mum before.

CroissantNeuf · 19/11/2011 20:24

You said you went to the cinema and then for lunch so my theory is that they didn't want to bring the presents along then as you would have to carry them around with you in the cinema and restaurant so will give them to you/your DD on Monday.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/11/2011 20:25

I am gobsmacked by this....have you had a party for her before? Were these kids invited to her others? Why did they do this???

I wonder if it was the cinema thing.....when my DD (also 7) went to a birthday do at the cinema my DH was unsure if we were meant to pay for her entry and meal afterwards....I told him no...this is the birthday girls party...so we just send a gift. It was our DDs first time at this type of Bithday "do" so some rules weren't clear I suppose. I just guessed though.

Maybe the parents thought t was not the same as a "party" in some way?

pigletmania · 19/11/2011 20:28

After my mums bad party present faux pas I would never let my dd go empty handed to a party.

CocktailQueen · 19/11/2011 20:28

Wow, how unusual. I woudl never send dd to a prty without a pressie. Even if the party girl's mum had sais no pressies, I would still do a book token/voucher etc.

cjbartlett · 19/11/2011 20:31

Did the 3 of them come together? Could the presents have been left in the car?

TheMonster · 19/11/2011 20:31

I think it's rude. I remember when DS has his third bday party and two brothers were invited. They didn't bring a card or gift. We had primed DS to take the gift from guests and say thank you. That was an awkward moment, I can tell you.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/11/2011 20:31

What faux pas Piglet??

spugglers · 19/11/2011 20:33

When I was a child I can remember children not bringing gifts. I did grow up in a deprived area.

Yanbu to be surprised but times are hard. Ds gets invited to so many parties, I always make sure he takes a gift but we don't spend more than £5 because we can't afford it. Some of his friends have bought him gifts costing over £20! I feel embarrassed that we spend far less but I can't justify getting into debt over a classmates present.

Carrotsandcelery · 19/11/2011 20:33

Maybe they grouped together on a gift and someone forgot it/left it in the car/kept it for themselves (this happened to dd once) Shock

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/11/2011 20:34

Gah BodyofEeyore I will remember NOT to prime my 3 year old for her first "big" party next year! Can see it now...

"Thank you for the present Anna.....oh....where's the present??! MUUUMMMY! Anna hasn't got me a PREESEEEENTT!"

Original poster
Lollyheart · 19/11/2011 20:39

I don't think they would of put money together, one of the girls has only just started at their school, and one is in another class.
I'm starting to think it's because it wasn't a proper party iykwim.

OP posts:
wedoNOTdothat · 19/11/2011 20:40

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO BRING A PRESENT

was the message that went out on dd1s 3rd birthday party. We invited 30 kids and did not know all of their parents, and therefore their circumstances, as they were nursery friends.

Having said this, we have gone through periods of being completely skint and like someone above said, Poundland is ideal and I would not attend a party without a present. Unless a request like mine was made on the invite!

(by the way, dd still received 26 presents!)

pigletmania · 19/11/2011 20:41

Me turning up to a party when i was 5 and not having a present when everybody else was giving theirs Blush

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/11/2011 20:44

Lolly That's what I think....only because of my DHs confusion over the similar one that ou DD went to a few weeks ago....he really didn't see to know that the "rules" were the same.

It could be that some parents thought it was just a treat in recognition of DDs birthday...though WHY they would not offer to pay their DCs entry I can't think!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/11/2011 20:46

I am wondering if I need to out that on DDs invitations WeDONOt I wouldn't want anyone not to come for fear they could not buy a gift...and I do NOT want DD to have 30 presents in one go!

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