to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

And why should he have to get up early, commute, do a job that no doubt bores him (every job is boring after a while no matter how enjoyable it may be), make small talk to ease the waters in his job, and commute back everyday?

He doesn't have it easy, either. To be honest, the people here who are supporting her are doing her no favours at all in reality.
She'll -totally, totally, unreasonably- will get on her high horse and cause an argument with her dh.

She may find herself alone -which would actually do her self-esteem a massive amount of good long-term, but, by goodness, she will find out the meaning of hardship -if not financially, then it terms of time.

I think she has too much time on her hands at the moment. Seriously, the less you do (and she does very little -surely her total 'work' -be it paid and around the house take no more than 15 hours a week) the less you want to do.
She needs to wake up and realise how easy she has it. Because she does have it very easy.

Wamster, do you seriously think then that her DH should just do nothing at all at home then? Not even reading stories to his children? Interacting with his family in a family day out? Taking one of his children to the loo if his wife is busy with the other child? Seriously? Children aren't just a job, they are human beings that need interaction and time from each parent.

What if the situation was reversed and a woman was posting on here saying she worked full time, her husband was at home and she did nothing in the home ever, not even attend to her own childrens' needs? What would you say then? Something different I would imagine.

Like I said before, he shouldn't have to do housework as such, but at weekends with small children it should be a case of all hands on deck. It's part of being a parent and should be expected IMO. It's unrealistic that he thinks he can just go off to football each week and sit at the computer the rest of the time when he has young children.

And it's hardly setting her children a great example if daddy is sat on his bum whilst mummy runs after him like a skivvy. If she has a son he will grow up behaving in that way and if she has a daughter her daughter will think she has to wait on her partner hand and foot.

He should, of course, interact with his children, but the rest is up to her.

Perhaps she should get a full-time job (if possible). Perhaps she would then grow up enough to realise that we are all at somebody else's beck and call-just like the vast majority of us who are 'skivvying' to make money
Honest to god, as if being in full-time work and answerable to a boss is some kind of **ing Nirvana.

She's a skivvy but so is he. She seriously needs to grow up.

I've already said that if I worked a full-time week and my husband worked only 8 hours and my kids were at school all day, I wouldn't expect to wash a dish unless in exceptional circumstances.
What is the problem with this- I work full-time, he does very little.

10 hour commute? Where does he work, America?

well, If my DH would treat me like a skivvy, I WOULD go back into full time work.

For me, the reason I don't is that both DH and I think it is best for the family if one parent is at home, so the kids get down time at home, so a parent can attend matches, plays etc. So a parent can take them to the doctor or stay at home with them if they are sick. So they can go to swimming or sports after school. So they can be at HOME in the holidays, or see family arther than go to endless after school clubs and holiday clubs.

So we thought it would eb best for us, as a family.

For me, personally, it means that by default I am also responsible for lots of the home work, shopping, cleaning, garden, car etc. A lot of that stuff is boring. It also means I am not able to pursue an interesting career.

For DH it means a long commute, a job that can be sh%t at times, and shouldering the sole financial responsibility for the family.

It is give and take for both of us.

It only works if each partner respects and appreciates the effort the other half is putting in.

Sounds like OP's partner does not respect what she does. And that IS a big problem. the solution may be for the OP to work full time, get a cleaner and a CM. And for her and DP to do the chores half and half....?

I know where you are coming from. I work 20 hours and still seem to do most things. My DH works irregular hours and will help with the cooking and put out washing etc if I am not around.

We have all been ill in the last few days but I am still struggling trying to keep going and do all the washing etc and my dc who are teenagers do very little.

I think your DH could do the swimming. However I think you are quite fortunate to only have to work 8 hours and have some time in the day.

I worked more hours when mine were in primary and I would have loved to have had time at home when they were not around. Love working part time even though we don't have as much money.

Chandon, you have summed up what I was going to say perfectly! I too think in those circumstances I would go back to work full time. And I totally agree that the stay at home parent is for the benefit of the whole family.

Wamster, what would happen then if both parents were to work in full time roles, with a long commute, in boring jobs they hated? Should the man still be able to just go and do what he wants all weekend whilst the woman does all the chores and the childcare? From what you've said you seem to think that anyone that works full time deserves a servant to wait on them hand and foot? So what would happen, would they have to hire staff to wait on them at weekends as it would be unreasonable to expect them to wash a dish?

I find your attitude very strange TBH, Wamster. Like I and others have said, we are not talking about the OP expecting her husband to do a full house spring-clean every weekend, we are talking about a father doing basic necessities for his children. You may be very happy in your skivvy role but most of us have moved on from the 1950s and want more from our lives than clearing up our husbands rubbish and washing their underpants.

If i worked full time and my other half did a job-hobby for 8 hours per week and the kids were at school i would expect a very smooth home on friday. That means new bin bags in bins, an empty d/w and all laudry done and put away.
Then yes i would interact with the kids and have family fun, i would also have some rest.

Those who go on about the 8hrs work forget that it is not even a job in tesco. It is party planning. Most people would love this luxury.
Please don't turn this into feminism issue

As as SAHM parent it is my job to deal with the house/school/ etc. When both dh and I are at home it is BOTH our responsibility to parent our child - so if that means ds needs help with wiping his bum, it does NOT mean that dh shouts for me to come and do it! Being a SAHM parent does not = a full time skivvy.

In the 1950s they didn't have w/m and d/w

I'm sure NoFrills that you must have "got" that I was talking about attitudes rather than appliances.

The OP has said many many times in this thread that her husband doesn't even interact or do anything for the children. That is what she is asking from him. To be a parent to his children. Not rocket science to understand is it?

Weird thread?

Working Monday to Friday is a good enough reason to leave a child sitting in their own piss on Saturday?

On what planet?

Some of you are arguing for the sake of it here.

And if the bin happens to overflow at the weekend (because lets face it even if a shiny new binbag was put in the bin on Friday, people do still put rubbish in bins even on a weekend) then her DH should bloody well empty the bin if he happens to notice it is full.

I know, Kahuna, ridiculous isn't it?

I am a SAHM, my DH works. This morning he went to work later than normal, he had a long, leisurely breakfast and a shower whilst I got the DCs ready, made lunchboxes, loaded the dishwasher etc etc. I won't be putting away his breakfast things, that he left on the table, or the half drunk mug of tea he left on the worktop, or the damp towel he left on the sofa, as I am not a skivvy, and I cannot believe that some of you on here would probably think that I should tidy them away and skivvy after him.

Well it is not rocket science to get that you cant compare SAHM in 1950 with SAHM in 2011. Is this hard for you to get Hexagonal?

You can't compare the actual physical tasks but of course you can compare the attitudes, NoFrills. Cleaning up after your husband constantly, even when he is not at work, as well as doing all the housework and all the childcare and thinking that the man shouldn't have to lift a finger is a 1950s attitude, whether you like it or not.

Well one could argue that so it is choosing to stay at home all day and wanting the man to be sole earner and responsible for the mortgage and bills. Do you pick and mix?

I agree Hex

It's about doing what works well for your family nofrills and respect for each other while fulfilling those roles, not about who earns the most.

Nofrills, the OP hasn't said she expects her DH to be sole earner and responsible for mortgage and bills. She works.

Well said, valium! It's the respect isn't it? And it doesn't sound as though the OP's DH is behaving in a very respectful way towards her

Well I am still wondering how anyone can say it only takes an hour to clean a house. Must let my neighbour know that her cleaner is ripping her off as she is there for 3 hours a week!
I have just spent two hours cleaning my house and doing a bit of ironing but it a drop in the ocean to what has to be done in a week.
I only have just over 2 1/2 hours a day child free. One of those days I only just manange to do a supermarket shop.
Plus housework is monotonous and sole destroying with young children. When you have young children in the house they make a mess. Having another child to pick up after in the form of a dh is clearly making it worse.

HexagonalQueen. I am writing this on a break from work.

You want to make this into a gender issue; I do not.
The fact is: that the op does very little and seems just a tad spoilt. She has lost touch with how people operate in the real world.

If people BOTH work full-time, then naturally the chores should be split. In fact, it makes my blood boil when women work full-time and their dp/dh does nothing around the house.

But if a woman wants to be a 50's housewife, then she is going to get treated like one.