to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

I was addressing you Hex, not OP, because you were the one trying to bring pseudo-feminism into the trhread. Now excuse me but i've got some work to do.

She has lost touch with how people operate in the real world.

It's just a different way to the way YOUR world operates, not the real world.

With respect, valiumredhead, 8 hours a week of paid employment and, what, 10 or so hours of housework a week?_ is the definition of somebody who is having a very easy life.

I disagree with both Wamster and NoFrills, it is very much a feminism issue.

Wamster, I wouldn't say at all that the OP comes across as spoilt. I don't think she's spoilt by expecting her husband to pick up his own rubbish or change his child's clothes when she's wet herself. She would possibly be acting unreasonably and in a spoilt manner if she sat around all day painting her nails and expecting her DH to do everything, but as far as I can tell from this thread she doesn't do that. She does the housework. She does the laundry. She does everything during the week.

Why is someone that stays home acting like a 1950s housewife? I am a SAHM and am far from a 1950s housewife. I am at home to be the stay at home parent not the stay at home skivvy. And as for the financial thing, which I believe No Frills mentioned, it's not necessarily true that the SAHP expects the other parent to pay for everything. On the contrary, the SAHP is actually saving the working parent money as they are providing FREE childcare to the working parent. Having a parent at home can be something that is done on a 21st century basis, at mutual agreement of both parents for the benefit of the whole family, rather than the 1950s way that some on here seem to think it is for.

Time to hide the thread - this level of resentment and vitriol isn't healthy.

It doesn't sound to me like the OP is having an easy life at all, she has a dh who would rather call her to wipe his own son's behind than get up and help him himself. I doubt VERY much that anything would change even if the OP went and got a full time job tomorrow. It's not about who does the chores it's about respect and joining in in family life and it doesn't sound like the OP's dh does either of these.

Bum, can't hide threads on the iPhone app

So you do get a break than wamster. I imagine op's dh does too at work. I guess you get 25 days annual leave too. I bet the op doesn't. (Outside of child free hours in term time) If her dh is so lazy at weekends why would he be any different whilst on annual leave.
Also it's so true about the doctor thing. I am a sahp as it suits us. Only last week I had to return to school to pick up dd to take her to doctors. Things like that would be much more difficul if working full time.

Again, I agree with Hex

And am hiding the thread now as it really is too depressing for words.

OP I hope you manage to get something sorted with your dh :)

I think it is easy when you are the person out at work full time to take the SAHP or part timer for granted. They don't always see what goes on and take the other person for granted. That is probably how the OP is feeling.

My DH can be sarcastic about my time off etc. now that I am part time even though I can come home from work and find him sleeping in the day time on his days off which irritates me.

YANBU my dh works far, far more hours than me and is usually really tired from travelling but he WANTS to do car ferrying at w/e because he wants to be involved with his child. He also will happily food shop and cook and do the bath/bed routine.

I'm definitely doing something wrong though - I can't get my house clean in one hour - no way. Can just about manage ground floor in that time and even then it's not perfect. And that doesn't include laundry, food prep, admin, or anything else.

newcastle78 I think you have every right to feel a bit miserable aobut yr situation. Yes, you are lucky in one way but I can imagine that doing all the boring housework and boring bits of childcare on your own (and feeling unsupported) IS a lot more depressing than going out to work.

There is no way the op is being a SAHP to do active hands on parenting when her children are school age though

There is no way the op is being a SAHP to do active hands on parenting when her children are school age though

I don't think it necessarily means that a SAHP isn't hands on when children are school age, callmemrs.

Two of my children are school age. One is a teenager. Yet I am still a hands on mum two them both. Last week the 13 year old broke a tooth at school and was in a lot of discomfort. Because I am at home, I was able to phone and make her a dental appointment for that afternoon, then was able to collect her from school early and take her to the dentist. My middle DC is primary school age and I'm able to go to all her plays and help out on school trips if my parents are able to have my toddler for the day. If either of the older ones are ill, then I'm there for them at home in the day. If DD1 forgets her dinner money, I am able to whizz it up to the school for her rather than her missing her lunch. And of course despite them being at school I still do all their laundry, clean their rooms, change their bedding, cook their meals etc.

I don't think you are being UR either OP. I work full-time, my DH has very child-friendly hours so is always responsible for giving kids tea when get home from school and at least 3 times a week makes sure that dinner is cooked. I would never dream of expecting dinner to be cooked 5 days a week though just because he works a lot fewer hours than me. And because I am not around to do much of the cooking in the week (well dinner is a lot later on the days when I cook after I get home from work) I cook all the meals most of the time at the weekend. I enjoy getting into the kitchen then as an alternative to the office.

I would hate being with a partner who was not interested in spending time with the DCs or did not have anything to do with food, supermarket shopping, washing up etc. The only thing he does not have a relationship with is the washing machine, but that's fine since he does so many other things. Sometimes I get in and the place is an absolute tip but because he is doing so much childcare and cooking I don't mind doing a pit of picking up after everybody. But as people have said this is because it feels like a partnership, give and take. I would never dream of getting in and just sitting there because I had been out of the house for 10 hrs. I would also be totally pissed off if DH just sat around all weekend thinking everything was my responsibility, showed no interest in doing anything with the kids by himself and then disappeared for 7 hours every other Saturday - whether I worked or not. Having a hobby is all well and good but he should then factor some other weekend time to do stuff with the family - cook Sunday lunch or saturday dinner, whatever. Housework is boring and repetitive and just because OP only works 8 hours a week do not see why that means she should be expected to do absolutely everything like some skivvy.

I just do not get how a sahp is a sahp at all if children are of school age and healthy (if, sadly, children are disabled then, yes, I really, really do see that a sahp who cares for a disabled child -even if child is of adult age- needs time to rest and recuperate. Hell, I think being a carer is really more difficult than the average 40-hour week) but, really, a sahp whose kids are healthy and in school is leading the life of leisure.
How can it be otherwise? All the best to them for having the easy life, and I am just a tad jealous of them. But, then again, if they can't see how easy they've got it god help them if their partner leaves them or sadly dies- because then they will realise how hard life can be, but to make out that they are hard done by is a joke.

You didn't even need to say you are jealous, Wamster. That fact is all too apparent from the bitter and obtuse tone of your posts

Jealous at having a totally easy life out of someone else's hard-earned cash? Damned right that that arouses a bit of jealousy. A bit, though, not a lot because if that partner left me or died, I'd have a cold wake-up call into the real world.

The opening poster should really appreciate her easy life instead of insulting everybody else who works with her whining. If your life is easy, it's good manners not to boast about it.

The OP hasn't insulted anyone as far as I can see, Wamster. I would say you have been more insulting and shown far fewer manners on this thread than the OP.

How do people tolerate partners who leave wrappers and towels on the floor, who do not pick up after themselves, who do not engage in family life? I never acted so disrespectfully and immaturely when I worked fulltime and my fulltime-working DH does not behave this way either. We're both adults.

I couldn't be with someone who acted like that all the time, BsshBossh, I really couldn't. Like I said earlier in the thread, my DH leaves stuff around sometimes as he's a bit absent minded but he knows what my view is on it and he knows I will never clean up after him and he has to do it himself. If my DH didn't engage in family life I would show him where the door is. I would rather be single than be with a selfish DH that thinks they can do what they like sod everyone else.

What exactly does he do around the house?

Maybe the OP is just concentrating on what he doesn't do as opposed to noticing what he does do?

Sitting at the PC for hours on end and going off to see football matches every weekend don't make him sound like he does a lot, lets face it...

When do you suggest he watches football then?

Working 8 hours a week and not having the time to do any housework doesn't exactly put the OP on the highground to critisise anyone on laziness does it?

Maybe she should leave him throw him out and become a single parent doing everything.

She hasn't said she doesn't do any housework. She says that she wants her husband to pull his weight with his children and in the house at weekends. As I and several others have said countless times on this thread, she doesn't want him to deep clean the house, simply to do the odd bit of washing up or to pick up after himself.

Football is fine for the 2 or 3 hours he'd be out. Not too sure the sitting at the computer for hours on and and ignoring his child when she pissed herself is fine though.