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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

mum at school screaming at her child

179 replies

newgirl · 16/11/2011 17:56

Not sure what to say about this - a mum at school dropped off her two young children this morning and was really screaming at them to get out of the car. I thought "must be tough morning" but I could still hear her a few hundred metres up road.

Just found it upsetting. Its happened once before. Kids seem very sweet.

Not sure why Im posting really - just bit sad

OP posts:

GraciousLife · 16/11/2011 17:58

:( I hate it when parents scream at their children and treat them like crap. Stop screaming, start talking and they'll soon do as they are asked.

fifitot · 16/11/2011 17:59

It was probably me...............

Pancakeflipper · 16/11/2011 17:59

Let's hope it was a the stinkiest day this mother has ever known and lost the plot this morning but is usually a decent mum. And hope when she collected the kids this afternoon it was with alot of hugs.

I saw a woman swear and holler at her kids on the bus once and it broke my heart. I cried when I got home. It is so sad.

mickeyjohn · 16/11/2011 18:00

YABU - have you NEVER lost it on a really stressful morning?? you have no idea what's going on in her life!! I have shouted at my two wonderful Dcs sometimes, way over the top, because I am exhausted from work/looking afte them/trying to move house/no money etc. The last thing she needs is another mum judging her!!

TheGoddessBlossom · 16/11/2011 18:00

Could have been me. Sorry but I have been known to screech by the time I've got them to the school gates. 2 boys under 7 can do that to you. You don't know what they'd done/said in the previous hour to drive her to that point, or anythng else that was going on in her life. I'd like to think I would do it out of earshot to prevent giving the impression this woman has to people like you, but you never know in the moment.

You have never screamed at your kids?

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 16/11/2011 18:03

i have screeched at my dcs. i would love to be the sort of person that didn't ever do it but i'm not. sometimes everything is just too much and you shout. it happens. hopefully for this mum it was a bad day and she feels shit enough to try not to do it again like me.

Hulababy · 16/11/2011 18:03

I can honestly say that no, I have never screamed at my DD, nor sworn at her or hit her. I'm by no means perfect though, obviously.

It would sadden me to hear it. I would hope it was a one off and the mum was normally much calmer with them.

nokissymum · 16/11/2011 18:04

You have no idea whats going on in this woman's life and as for her children seeming "very sweet" you would know would you ? reign your neck back in and mind your own business.

pigletmania · 16/11/2011 18:08

YABVU, we are only human, and kids push the wrong buttons. You try talking and negotiating with a child with sN who does not have a clue.

Original poster

newgirl · 16/11/2011 18:08

course i have bad mornings - i can feel my blood boiling, close to tears etc but i know not to scream outside a primary school. just hope they are all ok. and that its not me feeling like that tomorrow

OP posts:

TheGoddessBlossom · 16/11/2011 18:10

I would like to add that even in the red mist I never swear at them. That would be a step too fucking far.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 16/11/2011 18:11

oh so you keep your screaming for where people can't see it? does that make it better then?

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 16/11/2011 18:12

no i dont swear or hit my children either. shouting at them doesn;t automatically mean i hit them or swear at them,.

TheGoddessBlossom · 16/11/2011 18:19

Yes, where possible. And no, doesn't make it better, but makes it normal. I'm normal. Sue me.

BoffinMum · 16/11/2011 18:19

When I am doing this I usually crash the car as well. Then the kids come home at the end of the day and are very sweet and make me tea and tiptoe around me. Then I feel bad. Then I make pancakes and I am super helpful about homework and listening to their jokes. Life goes on.

When DS2 was doing 'hormones' in Sex Ed last year at school, one of the girls apparently genuinely asked the teacher if the reason she shouted at them sometimes was because she was about to have her period.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 16/11/2011 18:22

my post was to OP. she said she knows not to do it in a primary school. i dont see why it makes it better doing it at home. you are still shouting at them.

itspeanutbutterjellytime · 16/11/2011 18:23

Do you know what? You sound like my neighbour. I have a 14 month old DS with sicky issues still. She moved in and was all nicey nicey with us, invited me for coffee etc. But a week or so ago I was really having a shitty day. Really shitty. We were running late, I'd forgotten to pay my council tax, had another whopper of a gas bill, and God knows what else. I stepped out the door and he projectiled all over me. I just snapped. I yelled "Oh FFS DS! WHY NOW?!"

No. It wasn't a nice thing to say, and I'm not perfect. But just as I walked back inside to change us both, I saw Mrs next door looking at me with utter disgust as she'd been out putting her bins out. She won't even pass the time of day with me now, and I bet she thinks I'm the scum of the earth.

Having kids is stressful. Sometimes it's not even them, sometimes they are the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. But as long as you say sorry and make it up with loads of hugs, where is the issue?

And my neighbour? She can ram it.

GrownUpSparkler · 16/11/2011 18:25

When I was depressed and really struggling, this was me more often than not. When I started taking medication for OCD, anxiety and clinical depression, it stopped within a couple of weeks, it was amazing. I am so glad to be able to cope now when they are pushing me to the edge, I feel like a good mum again.

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 16/11/2011 18:26

I wonder if she had asked them about 15 times in a quiet low tone to get out of the car and they completely blanked her?
DS has just turned 4 and I can ask him and ask him and ask him and ask him and ask him and ask him (you get the drift), and he will just blank me. It makes my blood boil and I have in the past shouted when I was so frustrated with it. I then feel terrible.

Laquitar · 16/11/2011 18:27

'outside a primary school'. Would you prefer that she shouts indoors only? That actually scares me more.

Was it a loud 'get out, now!' ? Some people have loud voices and it looks like they shout. And others have low voices and get 'shocked' and 'upset'.

niminypiminy · 16/11/2011 18:32

Walk a mile in her shoes, I reckon, and then post.

As it happens, I have screamed at my children, I have hit them and yes, on one awful occasion I swore at one of them. Am I proud of myself, no; and if I could go back and do it differently I would.

But, you know, it did mean I stepped right off that moral high ground and stopped judging.

YourMother · 16/11/2011 18:35

The woman must have been having a bad morning and the children will have forgotten all about it by the time they get in to school.

overmydeadbody · 16/11/2011 18:41

You cannot judge a parent based on witnessing an outburst, as so many posters have already pointed out.

There is a difference though, I think, between a parent whi is at the end of their tether and shouting, and a parent who is screaming at their kids. But unless you know that person well, you won't be able to tell easily if they are just shouting or screaming.

lockets · 16/11/2011 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verytellytubby · 16/11/2011 18:44

Do you live in N10? It was probably me. I'd had a very bad morning and my kids were being outrageously naughty.

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