mum at school screaming at her child

[newgirl]

Not sure what to say about this - a mum at school dropped off her two young children this morning and was really screaming at them to get out of the car. I thought "must be tough morning" but I could still hear her a few hundred metres up road.

Just found it upsetting. Its happened once before. Kids seem very sweet.

Not sure why Im posting really - just bit sad

It always makes me when mothers with one daughter talk about how they never raise their voices.
I didn't either when I just had one little girl.

Harry, you don't know anything about me, eldest is 4.5 school say he is polite, helpful, sweet natured - sorry doesn't fit your poor sterotyping!

Wait till they are older and then come back and say you have never raised your voice

So true moomin, so true!

Good lord OP, do you read the guardian with all your liberal hand-wringing?

I have a hiss, mostly, but I've screamed at DS1 in public when he's bolted away from me towards a road or carpark.
And yes I shout sometimes.

Sweeping generalisation coming up, but I notice that many of the calm and non-shouty people on here have only one child.

And it's funny you saying other posters don't know anything about you when your judging others who you know nothing about

Am I the only one that only has 1 child and is still a shouty person . I'm sure shoutiness rises in direct proportion to the number of children. I am the first to admit that I would struggle with more than 1 .

I had a friend with one little girl. She waxed lyrical about how she allowed her to take as long as it took to get ready, walk along the road, stop and chat lovingly about the world as they passed......

And then she had another one

Older?? He is 4.5 not 1.5, I have had to deal with behaviour that is not great up until now. Plus, I have an 8 month old who currently is waking frequently but I still manage not to shout - imagine that? A different way of doing things!

I also think shouting is very attention seeking, usually comes with a hardwork, difficult parent.

Goldenbear I hope your smugness chokes you.

And yes older, like 8, or 15.

So, you have a portable baby and a small child. So getting to school is calm . Your children don't squabble. One of them doesn't refuse to be strapped in and unstrap himself. You have all day at home with just one baby because your older child is at school and not teasing/taking toys from the baby. You can walk at the older child's pace and the younger doesn't demand you go back to fetch teddy/drink/school bag.

You have absolutely no idea what it is like trying to get 2/3/4/5 children to school/nursery.

The type of mum, or parent, that I really DO judge are the ones who love to declare that they never shout at their children and smile piously at their good fortune. Then they hiss quiet insults and threats at their child that only they can hear. An EX friend of mine was like this and her daughter was petrified of her. I find that creepy and unpleasant.

I'd much rather have had my fantastic, loud, funny, shouty, sometimes slightly batty mum than a control freakish venemous one. I'm not particularly shouty but have shouted sometimes when I'm at the end of my tether. Anyone who says they have never shouted at their children is, in my opinion, either lying, deluded, or has no boundaries with their kids. Anyone who disagrees can call me what they like cos I'm off to work now!

Goldenbear is your 8 month old crawling yet? If not you have such a treat in store! Mine is...

Goldenbear.

If you can get through an entire week of cubs, school, beavers, swimming, riding, Judo, tennis, X country , guitar and drama with five children and a hubby not home until 9 ish without shouting then you are fucking superwoman and all of Mumsnet shall bow before you in awe.

Until then, you can shove your smugness where the sun don't reach

Goldenbear, instead of coming across all judgey, why not give us shouty mums some decent advice. How do you cope?

I am nearly frothing at the mouth some days with my 3!

I'd love to be less stressed and calmer, but my 3 (mostly eldest 2, aged 7 and 5) just push my buttons.

I ask them to do something in a calm manner, but the only way anything gets done is if I shout, as I can ask 5 or 6 times nicely and I just get ignored.

Genuinely would like to know how you don't shout and still get things done?

4 and you think the behaviour you have dealt with up until now isn't great? You have adsolutly no idea! My eldest two were just warming up at that age.

Like everyone else says wait until you have a screaming toddler who doesn't want to take your eldest to school, or wait until there 11 and 15 and screaming at each other over the remote and then come back and say you've never raised your voice, for a start they won't hear you over the din they will be making

Tubby, stop feeding her. Goldfish said it all.

Everywhere I look at here at the moment I seem to find smug know it all wankers Is it a full moon or summat?

tubby she will say the same as she did to me for daring to raise my voice after two weeks of wingeing on the school run

Why have 3

"Goldenbear.

If you can get through an entire week of cubs, school, beavers, swimming, riding, Judo, tennis, X country , guitar and drama with five children and a hubby not home until 9 ish without shouting then you are fucking superwoman and all of Mumsnet shall bow before you in awe.

Until then, you can shove your smugness where the sun don't reach" this exactly, i have 5, ranging in ages from 11mths to 12yrs, my partner works long shifts, and does nights, evenings, weekends as well. i have school run, pre school run, swimming club, korfball, football, tennis runs to sort out, homework to supervise and the 11mth old baby will only settle me, esp at night, and no she doesnt sleep through, has yet to sleep through the night and has been ill, so yes i shout occasionally, infact yesterday at home time when trying to get ds2 to stop playing football and come home so we could get home, get sorted, have dinner, get them changed and back out to korfball, when he didnt come the second/third/fourth time of me calling him (whilst trying to deal with a toddler nad a baby who were cold and tired and miserable) i did shout and then went and took him by the hand and said to him that if he didnt come he would have to walk and hold my hand like a little child (he is 9)

i dont think anyone is saying shouting is good, just that sometimes it happens, life is like that, and i think actually it is often better for achild to see a parent loose their temper and shout as thats real life!! i will generally talk to my child afterwards and say i am sorry i shouted BUT you need to listen to what i am saying, if i call you i need you to come now or whatever it is i need them to do.

I'm trying to remember the last time my kids got in or out of the car without me screeching at them. It could well have been me. I simply don'thave the patience to ask nicely more than 12 or 15 times. Same goes for putting shoes on. And putting pyjamas away. And not climbing on the back of the sofa... I am the very viasge of calm until about the 10th polite request and then by the 12th or 15th I crack and shout. I think that's fair.

I think I am a pretty calm person and i dont get angry that easily btu this morning i shouted pretty loudly at my ds who decided he didnt want to go to school so hid his clean uniform behind the toilet while we were running around everywhere searching for it. i may have screeched "fine stay home then but i dont want to see you get out of that bed until tomorrow morning when you will get up and go to school". no swearing etc but very loud...

I will have 5dc 3 of them are too young to be massivly behaved (well dc5 has yet to be born so is a bit beyond shouting) the oldest two are 7 and 5. As they get older the opportunities for losing temper seem to increase daily.

Don't we all shout sometimes?

Moominsarescary, yes she us crawling, I can cope thanks. My DP works until late every night, not on shifts just does, so there is no financial reward for his absence - more stress!

Advice wise, I try not to avoid confrontation with him. Surely parenting is as hard as you make it. The battle of wills just produces children determined to do something when you say don't. Know your limits don't have lots of kids if one stresses you out!

It's strange that people say it gets harder as most people I know with older kids, including my DB says it gets A LOT radorr