Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mum at school screaming at her child

179 replies

newgirl · 16/11/2011 17:56

Not sure what to say about this - a mum at school dropped off her two young children this morning and was really screaming at them to get out of the car. I thought "must be tough morning" but I could still hear her a few hundred metres up road.

Just found it upsetting. Its happened once before. Kids seem very sweet.

Not sure why Im posting really - just bit sad

OP posts:
Original poster
newgirl · 16/11/2011 20:27

I've heard it before though not like today. I did say that in OP. I think that's one reason I reacted strongly.

I guess some posters are ok with kids being screamed at, others not. Just really hope never hear it again.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmit · 16/11/2011 20:38

thepathan

OH MY ACTUAL GOD!

You coated off John Hemmings? Booyah!

Good work

(right dont type his name again. Three times and he appears)

BarbarianMum · 16/11/2011 20:41

I would say 99% of the times I have shouted at my children have been related to getting out of the door, up the road and into school in something like an orderly and timely manner. It is just a hugely stressful time of day as they footle and squabble and can't find their shoes or put on their coats or just dawdle endlessly looking at spiders webs and the shapes of clouds.....

It is not me parenting at my best but its not them behaving at their best either - I assume if the shouting bothered them then they mightactually co-operate before it gets to that point.

Rest of the time, I'm a pussy cat.

I do find this whole 'in front of a primary school' thing odd though. I parent my kids, whether well or not, exactly the same wherever I am - if anything I am stricter in public and am happy to defend myself to anyone that cares to comment.

I find the whole 'wait til I get you home thing' deeply disturbing actually. If it shouldn't be witnessed surely that means you shouldn't be doing it.

Goldenbear · 16/11/2011 20:48

ohDoAdmit, no I don't understand why you're making a distinction between those who abuse in the home and those who abuse in public Surely they often do both. Why is a public display of abuse ok and the abuse in the home much worse- the answer is that it is not, abuse is abuse is abuse......

Original poster
newgirl · 16/11/2011 20:50

ok im worn out now - i do appreciate all the posts and views. im really hoping i am perfect zen mother tomorrow. Night all.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmit · 16/11/2011 21:44

They sometimes do both.
The often do not
Because if they do it in public they are more likely to get caught.

I have not stated that a public display of abuse is ok.
I have not said that what the women in the OP was doing was abusive
I would not make an important judgement like that based on a few words on the internet.

I suppose I find the overuse of the word abuse a bit tiresome. Especially after the week I have had.

I have also stated clearly that shouting at children is not a good thing.

So please stop trying to start some sort of argument based on me thinking abusing children outdoors is ok.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 16/11/2011 21:50

OhDo i really did! Quite Blush about it now tbh, but i particularly love the child DD spat at so i was fuming.

Also i see his wife quite often in the Post office, and she looks so sad, i really wanted to say to her one day "everything will be alright you know, this too will pass" but then i thought ffs witch this isn't MN and bottled it.So i'm not that brave really Grin.

OhDoAdmit · 16/11/2011 21:56

I think you may be my hero of the week. I tweeted Victoria Coren about him after she wrote about him in her column and she answered me!!!!

I dont like him.

At all.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 16/11/2011 22:01

If it was just shouting, rather than nasty screaming/screeching then you must be a midlander and live next door to me. I dont know how our neighbours dont complain tbh, I shout all the time Blush but not nasty, Im just VERY loud, we shout-sing, shout-talk, shout-play, we just shout a lot, so rather than saying "now come come little Tarquineous Mcfinneous, lets pop off to schooly-wooley-woo"

It would come out as "for god sake hobbits we are going to be late, get your butts moving!!!"

Im a nice mom though, most the time :)

Goldenbear · 16/11/2011 22:02

I would equally not assume from the OP's description that it was abuse but you referred to 'silent abuse' and it been distinguishable from abuse in the public eye - I don't think they are. Nothing to do with OP's discussion.

whomovedmychocolate · 16/11/2011 22:12

You clearly need these more than me. Hmm

LackaDAISYcal · 16/11/2011 22:13

On a fairly regular basis I have to deal with monumental tantrums from my 3 to DS and he times them perfectly to coincide with the walk back to the car after the school pick up. To the casual observer, it probably looks like I'm restraining him with force, when in fact he is the one straining to get away and I'm just hanging on for grim death to stop him running in the road which he has done on occasion. They have probably also seen me throw him to the ground, when in fact he has struggled out of my clutches as I have a rheumatic illness and can't always keep hold of him and his previous 45 degree angle makes falling Inevitable. And yrs they have probably heard me screeching at him as I lose it under the constant struggle against the pain of dealing with a stroppy child. I usually restrain him In his buggy, but he is getting a bit old for It, will be starting nursery after Christmas and I don't want him being wheeled there and back and every so often I get fooled into believing his sweet smiled "I won't run away today, mummy, I'll walk nicely"

Anyhow, the point of all that is YABU; before getting ill, I used to judge too.

PumpkinBones · 16/11/2011 22:13

I bellow at my children. We are a very loud, shouty family. The girl in the flat below me has told me several times she is grateful to be deaf in one ear Blush My DS1 seems to be medically incapable of whispering. Possibly we would sound unpleasant and obnoxious of a morning. It is impossible to judge from a description, I'd need to hear it myself because what is screaming to one person isn't even on the radar of another. So I'd have to hear it to judge, and sometimes I do about people screaming at their children, you see someone dragging their child down the road calling them a little cunt, and even I get judgey.

tryingtoleave · 16/11/2011 22:19

I think it is worse when it happens in public, because it shows that the parent has either lost all self control, or thinks that shouting at children is so normal that it doesn't matter if you do it in public.

My parents were like that - shouted all the time. Nothing nasty, as Babydubs would say (which is why I was able to have a decent relationship with them as an adult) but it is still horrible to be shouted at all the time.My parents shouted at us in public, in front of their friends and our friends. It was humiliating and all my school friends remember my shouty parents. I used to be amazed when I went to friends to see that some parents were nice to their children Sad.

I hate threads like this where everyone gets defensive and says shouting is normal. It's not normal - get a grip of yourself.

OhDoAdmit · 16/11/2011 22:27

Golden, it may be the late hour, it may be the medication but I do not understand what you are talking about.

starryeyed1 · 16/11/2011 22:29

YABU. I shouted (not screamed) at my two outside DD3's nursery today. Shock They were squabbling and doing my head in.

Goldenbear · 16/11/2011 22:40

Absolutely tryingtoleave, 'get a grip' or some dignity. It is not about judging for me it's about objecting - I object to that level of anti-social behaviour on the street. The mother I witnessed after school shouting, pulling and shaking her child was scaring other children - 4, 5 year olds with her arrogance. I don't appreciate this atall. Others manage to avoid the shouting and aggression at the school gates, why can't the shouty people just zip it and calm down!

Goldenbear · 16/11/2011 22:43

Then forget it. Are you by chance a shouty mum/dad?

midas · 16/11/2011 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucy88 · 16/11/2011 23:09

I am sure that hter have been lots of times when we have shouted at our children - we are not perfect.

Only time I have ever been really cross though about another Mother shouting and screaming at her children was when my DS was at a child minders with her 2 DS's. It happened virtually every day for a whole week. She woud pick up her DS's and no sooner were they out of the door and she was shouting at them. This used to scare my DS (who was a lot younger), so I couldn't care less what sort of day she had, but I asked her to stop shouting at her DS's in front of mine as it frightened him. No need for it to be honest.

There are some parents who shout at the slightest thing though regardless of what sort of day they are having. Anger management classes needed for some of them.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 16/11/2011 23:16

My DC certainly are not scared, I dont say anything nasty or hurtful or cruel, i say the same as the next person but more likely louder, we are just a loud little family :)

I dont see a difference between being shitty with DC quietly or being shitty loudly, quietly seems more sinister to me tbh, but that aside, being loud on its own without evil tone, abhorrant language, etc, would not make me dust off the judgy knickers though.

IdRatherBeInBed · 16/11/2011 23:22

I shout at my kids, like when they get out the door to go to the car and by the time they leave the garden and get to the car they are fighting eith each other and crying because 'the other one got there first'.....grrrr every morning since bloody september. I even get the boys crying if the the other one gets out the door first!!!!! Very stressful when you have to tell them to get dressed, eat their breakfast, stop crying cos your not sat at that side of the table, stop crying because you have finished your drink first....everything has to be a bloody race with my kids and some mornings it can be too much. But then i do give them lots of cuddles before i drop them off and explain that life isnt a race and racing to the car every morning isnt an important thing, just walk, your both getting in the car, its not the first one there is the only one to ride in the car.

some parents seem so perfect!

wildheaven · 16/11/2011 23:29

"Stop screaming, start talking and they'll soon do as they are asked."
Get to the Parenting forum and you will see a hundred threads why this is tosh. nice idea though.

Moominsarescary · 16/11/2011 23:36

I wish some people would shout at the children, nice summer day sat outside the pub for lunch by the river, children at the next table jumping on it, mother says please Harold get down, William please don't climb on the table, Harold get down sweety or you will sit in the landrover

We had to listen to this for 10 minutes until the boys were bored and decided to get down.

Mine wouldn't have got up on the table in the first place and if I had to raise my voice to stop them so be it.

Goldenbear · 16/11/2011 23:49

Moominsarescary, yes and it is as simple as that isn't it? Well I don't shout at my children and believe it or not they are not out of control. My parents never shouted at me wildheaven and they could and did take us anywhere, so not tosh.