mum at school screaming at her child

[newgirl]

Not sure what to say about this - a mum at school dropped off her two young children this morning and was really screaming at them to get out of the car. I thought "must be tough morning" but I could still hear her a few hundred metres up road.

Just found it upsetting. Its happened once before. Kids seem very sweet.

Not sure why Im posting really - just bit sad

maybe she wanted you to be mortified!

She probably did but that doesn't make it ok. My mother was heavy handed with discipline and the specific incident I'm talknig about, I was sticking play doh to my bedroom wall. It doesn't stain: where was the harm? My brother reported me to my mum who charged in, screamed at me and slapped me around the face. The rest of the playtime, all I could do was try not to cry.

But it's ok if mum wants to mortify you in front of your friends to teach you a lesson. Nice.

pretty shouty house here too and they dont seem damaged to me!
mind you I had my difficult one first, so easygoing second one just grew up with the noise.

so you are a saint that never screams at their kids

come on!!!!

^ Wait until your DCs are old enough (if they aren't already) to scream, shout and mortify you in front of people. It will serve you right Monkey see, monkey do.

Sorry but it doesn't matter whether we all do it. Yes, I expect we do sometimes. That isn't the issue. The point is it's not a Good Thing To Do and it's better to try to resolve to stop doing it. I have yelled at my DC so loud I get a sore throat - but see I dont think it's OK and I won't make excuses for it. It's crap and it's poor parenting... and it doesn't work.You keep having to increase the volume to make it more effective next time .

I don't know the OP of course but unless she really is a delicate flower I don't expect she would have been upset at a slightly raised voice for a moment. I am guessing it was a bit more than that.

Hi again

Yes I'm not delicate flower and I've got two old kids. It wasn't grumpy shouting that I've done and I've come across over years. I've had blood boiling school runs. Big difference between shouting to safeguard a child running across road/messing about in car. It was screaming that made me feel stressed rest of day and wonder if I should do something. Yes judgey but I thought later if someone had shouted at an adult like that it would have been shocking so why is it ok for a child? Good debate thanks folks it does keep us thinking!

I have some terrible shouting, in my time. Proper banshee screaming and shouting. I never knew anger and frustration till I had children.
I do wonder at the meekness of someone who never ever shouts. Yes I find that hard to get.

I think someone that is that angry they can't control it in public probably is having problems.

We've all snapped at our children, even really yelled on occasions. But the way some people speak to their children is plain nasty. I know as I've been plain nasty on one or two occasions and felt thoroughly ashamed as indeed I should.

I used to see a mum every day who used to literally hiss at her children, very aggressively, every single, day. I never saw the children doing anything wrong whatsoever, they just got out of the car and stood there, whilst their mum hissed at them nasty unpleasant things. I think a good old judge is quite in order.

And, it's not a choice between being false and horrid behind closed doors or a shouty old witch in public. Sometimes, the fear of what others might think curbs our behaviour in good ways. Shouting 'come on, you are really getting on my nerves' is one thing, shouting or swearing in a nasty belittling way on a routine basis is horrible to witness.

Thankyou annie

I think we are all human. Some may not shout but I'm sure they feel some blood boiling, doesn't make them any better than those that do shout. I have shouted at my 9 yr old girl, I'm not proud but I've done it, we always talk though and I don't shout every day but after asking nicely and low toned 50 times u do end up shouting. It's healthy I think for children to learn that life isnt rosy, people aren't always going to talk calmly to them, and it shows that having emotions, feelings is ok even anger because its how u deal with it and if u do have a little shout at them but talk after it also shows things can be resolved. Not sure if I'm making sense.

One mum last week had her DD crying because she wanted to go in to the classroom first in the morning. The doors had already opened and children were already in.

This little girl was going into nursery.

Her mum shouted, "you can go in fuckin first tomorrah carn't ya? Stop fuckin whingin!"

Stupid bitch. Don't know if the teacher said anything to her.

I understand getting stressed at times, but imo that's completely unnecssary.

itspeanutbutterjellytime You sound like me! I do wonder what my neighbours think of me!

GrownUpSparkler What medication do you take?

newgirl true but why take it out on young kids? none of above their fault

It's not about taking it out on them, but about dealing with lifes stresses as best you can, and sometimes it gets too much.

"Stop screaming, start talking and they'll soon do as they are asked."

That's funny!

HarryHillatemygoldfish Love your replies on this thread, so true about those with one child. For me when I had one child I didn't cope due to something awful and devastating that happened in my life. It hugely added to my stress levels and ability to cope. I am sure people probably judged me But I honestly did the best I could do.

I've come late to this thread to say to ThePathanKhansWitch - that is hilarious.

(Being careful not to mention names in case of genie-like reappearances.)

'I don't shout at my children and believe it or not they are not out of control'
'Eldest is 4.5'

Sorry - just had to sew my sides up!

How helpful is it posters having a go at the mums on here with young children? Toddlers can be exasperating so if the posters on here are managing well then all credit to them. I'm really glad some parents are finding it all ok.

To be fair, for some it will make them doubt that love. IME the relationship you have with your adult children will suffer. Convince yourselves it is all very normal at your peril.

Bollocks to this. I have 2 adult DD's that were shouted at, when they refused to listen. I have an EXCELLENT relationship with my girls, we discuss everything/anything, and they ain't the slightest bit scared of me.:)

Can you really not scream at your young children? I don't like to do it at all, but sometimes it is the only way that makes them responsive. Two boys aged 3 and 4 - I'm sorry but I have to yell!

To be fair, for some it will make them doubt that love. IME the relationship you have with your adult children will suffer. Convince yourselves it is all very normal at your peril

Tosh.

Some children will doubt their parents love - shouty or not.

Newgirl - you started the thread

It is ridiculous when a Mum with a baby & a 4 yo starts telling parents with grown children that it's never necessary to shout - I'd love her to come back when hers are 15 & 19 and say she's never raised her voice at them.

FFS shouting is NOT the same as hitting! (I speak as someone who was hit as a child- the latter is ABUSE, shouting is normal human stressed behaviour and if her kids are 'very sweet' then actually she can't be doing it all that much or anything worse- kids who are subject to abuse act out or act withdrawn, you would never have thought I was sweet as a child, or any of my friends who were abused). I shout at my kids, yes. Within 5 minutes they are laughing and pratting about again. So it's obviously not effective discipline, and no doubt she felt very guilty (and hopefully apologised to them), but ffs poor woman to have judgemental arses bitching at her for losing it once with kids who were presumably refusing to get out of car and making her late for work. Jesus.

Wible read the thread it's not a one off. The kids are quiet and poss withdrawn. There are some angry posters on here who do sound very defensive but thankfully most people seem really balanced.