mum at school screaming at her child

[newgirl]

Not sure what to say about this - a mum at school dropped off her two young children this morning and was really screaming at them to get out of the car. I thought "must be tough morning" but I could still hear her a few hundred metres up road.

Just found it upsetting. Its happened once before. Kids seem very sweet.

Not sure why Im posting really - just bit sad

That should be 'EASIER'!

it gets easier does it? it does in some ways, more sleep. less constant need for feeding, but it also gets busier with clubs, playing with friends, parties, and other activities, plus homework, i have one in y5 and one in yr8 (at high school) and so there gets to be more emphasis on homework and it has to get done, and that is whilst juggling the younger three and dinner etc.

my parnter doesnt get paid any extra for his overtime either, its just the way it is. his job is emotionally and physically exhausting as well (works in a childrens home)

and what about the odd occasion where if you dont shout a child may hurt themselves, my 3 yr went to cross a small road without me the other day, something he has NEVER done before, i shouted and he stopped and he hasnt done it since. sometimes you need to shout.

i dont think i shouted at any of mine when they were very little, ie under 3 or 4, but as they get a bit older it does happen, esp when trying to deal with little ones and do other things at the same time.

sometimes you have to raise your voice/shout just to be heard if boys are playing particularly noisy time or i may shout up the stairs to come down for dinner, or in the park if they are some distance away that it will be time to go home soon, people raise their voices and shout, doesnt make them terrible parents.

Advice wise, I try not to avoid confrontation with him.

Read - he gets his own way.
All mine would never be shouted at too if I avoided confrontation. Sadly, as a parent I find I need to, yunno, actually parent.

I just came on here to say 'I rarely raised my voice at my child'.

Yes, another mother of an only child who is a girl.

That said - I have been very lucky with her, she was born in a good mood. It has probably got bugger all to do with my parenting skills, I just had the good fortune to give birth to a mildly mannered and amenable girl, she is 15 now and still chirpy.

If I ever had another child I know that sod's law would mean I would give birth to the devil itself.

That said - I do judge women who screech at their children, tbh. It is horrible being yelled at.

Surely, if you are screaming at your dcs every day to get them to school, it is not working? Maybe it is time to find a parenting technique that does work. And if a child above 4.5 wont keep their seatbelt on then I think something has gone wrong somewhere.

I have a 5 year old ds and an almost 3 year old dd. I have to get them to childcare three days a week. I was thinking about starting a thread about how difficult I was finding it, especially now that I have to sunscrean them as well as everything else. But I don't shout - as I said before I have just started getting up a bit earlier.

I have shouted occasionally (never screamed or ranted, however), maybe once every few months, but I don't consider it part of my parenting method - it is a slip up. When it happens I think back on what happened and what I can do to avoid it happening again.

I didn't ask if your 8 month old was crawling I said

Wait till they are 11 and 15 and fighting over the remote control, then tell me you've never raised your voice

And you think avoiding confrontation is a good thing?

GwendolineMaryLacey

I know exactly what you mean when my son was 2 he used to do the same all of the time!! busy motorway, headlights on full beam, trucks in the wrong lane..... arms out of the seatbelt screaming and reaching over to my older son to pull his hair and do anything he could to cause a scene!! there is only so far you can go with saying put your arms back in baby this is the fast road we have to be careful etc when he is screaming and crying back at you. gets to a point where you are becoming distracted and upset....to the point where i screamed horribly and ashamedly, tears rolling down my face, absolutely terrified that if he didnt put his arms back in something bad would happen. in this case the only thing you can do is scream through anger frustration and mostly fear. at one point there was a truck in the middle lane so close to me all i could see were the headlights flashing me to move. bear in mind its snowing outside at this point!! how close i was to calling the police but another distraction would have been too far. pulled into the nearest services and cried for about 15 minutes holding him happy we had made it safely to a stop.
but then screaming at a child for a minor reason regardless of how you are feeling about house, bills, relationships is wrong....they do not deserve to be made to feel bad because you are. cuddles and love all the way!!!

i dont think anyone here is saying they shout everyday or every morning, just that yes sometimes they do, like yesterday i shouted at ds2 having told him to stop playign football, gather his bag and coat so we could go home for about the tenth time, as i did so i was walking over to physically take him by the hand and remove him from the football pitch, but i also had a tired baby and toddler and a 6yr old to deal with so by shouting at him he knows he needs to get a move on!

is it a standard default mode parenting tool? NO of course not but yes at times many parents will and do shout, screeching like a banchee is never a good thing but occasionally i am betting it happens to a lot of us. i have quite a 'loud' voice when i need to, having four boys means i need to make myself hear sometimes, so some it would be shouting, but the tone isnt an angry tone, buts just my regular voice on high volume so they hear me if they are some distance away or just to get their attention if they are very involved in whatever they are doing.

I rarely used to shout at dd1. I rarely said "no", "don't do that" etc to dd1. Then dd2 came along (followed by dd3 a few years later)!. Like someone said, there are only so many times you can say the same thing nicely, every single day, without losing your patience. I so wish I wasn't a "shouty" mum, but I am. Luckily for me, my dds DO know that they are loved, and I know that they love me back too. And "know your limits, don't have lots of kids if one stresses you out" - where's the "holier than though" emoticon for that little nugget of wisdom

all kids are different as well! with my ds1 i didnt have to say no much or ever raise my voice, i remember my gran saying to me how 'lucky i was as he was such a biddable child'! then i had ds2...

A few posters have said they shout regularly and suggested that children who never got shouted at weren't being properly parented.

Yes I am sure she'd had a bad morning and her 'sweet little kids' are actually total shits in reality . And yes, I have been there more times than I like to recall. But so fucking what! It's not ideal and IMO when people are doing this it's right to feel upset. I hope that when she had calmed down she felt ashamed of herself - if she manages to justify herself by 'oh well I've had a bad morning' it just normalises it.

I knew one shouty mum at school - on one occasion she got so mad with her son outside school that she hit him around the head three times while yelling. She walked away and he ran after her crying and calling out and she ignored him. One of them mums came and took his hand and walked him into the school office. Her 'excuse' was that her husband had walked out after a row and she was upset. But as I said earlier....so what!

That must have been horrible to see Orm

No he doesn't get his own way - he is lovely natured, really sweet and always wants to please so I don't think I've been such a bad parent so far. Harry, you sound bitter and resentful maybe that is why you shout so much? The kind of mum I would avoid like the plague!

I screamed at DD2 walking in to the supermarket yesterday.
She was being a stubborn thoughtless little brat and very mean to her big sister.
She is 10, bright, adorable and charms everyone who ever meets her, including me, most of the time.
Unfortunately, she does like her own way, which simply isn't always possible. Hence my reserving my absolute parental right to shout at her when she refuses to accept that the world is not going to revolve around her today.

Whenever I hear parents shouting very loudly at their children and obviously stressed to the hilt, I think 'God, I know how you feel' rather than worry about their abilities as a parent. Parents walloping their kids, swearing at them and treating them with contempt are a different kettle of fish.

Most parents lose their temper and end up shouting, and most of us feel like shit afterwards and hope only sympathetic people heard me shouting so that nobody thinks I'm an angry nutter.

Okay everyone loses it sometimes and shouts at their kids. But I have very occasionally witnessed parents talking to their DCs in a way that I don't think is acceptable whatever has been happening e.g. calling their little DD a bitch.

And I agree with poster that sometimes you need to shout to stop DC doing something dangerous. IME if you shout not very often, then shouting can have a big impact on DCs.

That's the thing though , I don't think most parents do judge a parent who shouts at a child to stay away from the road or to come back now or shouts stop tormenting your sister

I dont think anyone battered an eyelid at me raising my voice at ds1 to tell him to stop wingeing yet again about how boring school is and how easy the work is and that we will talk about it at home

Other people well say you shouldn't have so many children, I never raise my voice, then you find out they've been a parent for all of 10 minutes and realy have no clue what they will do with a stroppy 8,11 or 15 year old, these are the types of parents I avoid like the plague

when i think back to having just one child, it was like play acting! 2 is very hard, im not at 3 yet but safe to say we are avoiding pregnancy.

I have a daughter who has the most amazing scream youl ever hear, when i say this people go "yes, all mums think their children have the loudest cry". but seriously, she sounds like shes being murderd. and there is nothing i can do about it, its her default noise.

I shout at my children when i have had enough, i get cross and frustrated like them. They need to see that everyone loses it soemtimes, its how you make up and apologise, and plan together to ensure it dousnt happen again. thats what being a family is.

A mother of one girl - I shout nearly every morning.
She was born stubborn, how can it take a very nearly 8 year over 5 minutes to just put a pair of knickers on! 25 minutes to eat a single slice of toast! The most cross making part of this is at the weekend she can do it all no problem, but Monday to Friday when I have to get to work she can't.
I can't tolerate faffing at any level never have been able to.

Oh my, if I had stopped at just ds1 I would have all the answers. Ds2 is just like mummy .

YANBU, there is a time and a place whether or not they had been behaving badly.

Think of the children: what if their friends had heard that? My mum used to shout at me in front of friends and it was mortifying.

maybe she wanted you to be mortified!

i have 3 girls - we are a shouty house - they are all loud, healthy and confident - shouting wont kill em !