To not want to be addressed as Mrs, and not Ms?

[MitziKinsky]

One of my DCs teachers always addresses me in writing as Ms. Kinsky.

I have the same surname as my DC, I wear a wedding ring, and often draghave DH with me, so I expect to be addressed as Mrs Kinsky, or even Mitzi (I am on first name terms with all the other staff at this school).

I find using Ms when you know someone is married a bit rude. I'm contemplating pointing out, nicely, that I'm a Mrs.

I like the French and Italian approach as mentioned upthread - there's something quite respectful about the way they use Madame/Signora for an older woman. I found when skiing alone in France that the lifties would call "madame" and move me to the front of the queue, opo me into the bubble and wave me off - felt like a VIP.

Having said that, my approach to the Miss / Mrs / Ms thing is that having taken DH's name (for quite complicated reasons), I use Mrs because that kind of makes sense. Don't have strong feelings about it either way.

What does interest me is that I have two acquaintances who both use Mrs, even though long divorced, have Mrs on their chequebooks and use Mrs in their signature .

eurochick My earlier post used your name because of yours of 17:03.

I don't understand why some women still insist on the old forms - but it's a fact.

ElaineRees perhaps I was being too hopeful in speaking of the public sector. I believe most government departments follow Ms-by-default - I expect individual officials (of either gender!) sometimes forget, they are only more-or-less human.

The people in charge of an organisation can impose that rule, but in social life it is only a woman who can ask to be addressed as Ms - or let it go if she is not - so to that extent, yes, it is up to women. We can't make you insist, although we can and should adopt Ms in speech as well as in writing.

You should call people what they have indicated they want to be called. If someone tells you they want to be Dr or Mrs, then that's what you should use.

Don't pull everything down to the lowest common denominator.

When I have dealt with my DCs' schools, I have always introduced myself as Mrs xxx, and they have used this style in further communications. I would be mightily pissed off it they overrode my personal preferences - and I would correct them. I am fed up of marriage being devalued (fortunately, my DCs do not attend the kind of schools where they have to tiptoe about having parents who are married and living together).

Just go in and tell her that you are Mrs. I can't stand Ms and put people right-not that it generally happens.

No, go in and tell her that you like to be called Mrs.

I didn't take DH's name so normally use Ms Horse. However, I do think of 'Mrs DH' as a title that I have, just one I don't normally use - a bit like the royals having lots of titles but generally going by one - so it doesn't offend me to be addressed as that.

OP - I'd say YABU. I used to have to write to lots of parents and it's an absolute nightmare. Far simpler from their point of view to have one term for everyone. Does it really matter if they don't use your preferred term?

"Saying Ms should be the default in no way devalues marriage, or assumes people aren't married. It's neutral; that's the point of it."

I agree, but I would use it as a default unless otherwise told not to. In which case I would use Mrs, Doctor, Lady, Countess or whatever. I think it is only polite to call people what they wish to be called not what you want to call them.

Who wants to be neutral - the enemy called average?

I would like to be known as Countess Change from now on I am always tempted to click on 'Reverend' completing an online form

Ms is a safe default, as is partner and carer for a child at school. Not everyone fits into the nicely-married-two-parents scenario .

YABU for thinking it is demeaning. It is, or should be, a neutral term. YWNBU to tell them you prefer Mrs

Well, men clearly wish to be neutral, hence 'Mr'.

An example of when titles annoy me is when I make an appointment at my local Health Centre. I make an appointment with Dr 'Smith' whether male or female but an appointment with a nurse, a qualified nurse, is always Mary or Judy or Sybil. I always ask for the surname and confirm my appointment as being with Nurse Brown. Why is there a difference between doctors and nurses?

And, Ms doesn't 'devalue marriage' and more than Mr does.

I am married, for the record, not some bitter spinster that all these 'Mrs-and-proud-of-it' types seem to assume...

I've noticed that, too Angel - in my old doctor's surgery, the nurse did have her title, but she was Nurse Linda, so first name instead of surname. Not quite the same gravitas.

I'm not married, and use Ms. If DP and I were to ever get married (after nearly 25 years together, that prob won't happen), I would still be Ms, and I'm not changing my name either, far too much hassle.

Men aren't offered a choice, Slinking.

YANBU to not like Ms. I hate it, others love it

But you are BU to expect the school to know what you would prefer. Let them know you want Mrs - then if they keep calling you Ms you can get annoyed and still be reasonable.

I always tick the 'Mrs' box because that is what I prefer if given the choice but I don't mind what I'm called really. I just don't see it as a big issue really, well it isn't for me anyway.

I don't like being called 'Ms Chandeleria' just because in my head it isn't my name, so it sort jars in my head when I hear it. In the same way if someone calls me a version of my name that I don't use (like a Katherine being called Kathy when her preferred nickname is Kate) it just doesn't sound right for me because it isn't what I expect/am used to. Not sure if I have explained that in a way that makes sense really.

YANBU OP I hate the term ms and wouldn't even want someone to use
that even if I was single.

echt, if someone does turn up to tell you that it's your father's name, I will be steaming in to discuss that with them. It is a ridiculous idea -- I got my name in exactly the same way my father did, by being given it at birth, and it is every bit as much mine as it is his. It is quite extraordinary how many other people, including bloggers on women's issues still fall for this completely nonsense argument.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place with this one. I go by Miss simply because I HATE the word Ms - not its connotations, but the fact that it doesn't have a proper bloody vowel in it! And I always consider myself a linguist first and a feminist second. Can't wait until I'm a Dr and can avoid the issue altogether. Although actually, I'd rather be addressed by my first name at all times.

I don't think Ms is rude. I would prefer Ms over all others. YABU.

If you would prefer to be addressed as Mrs then you will have to say.

PigletJohn, what are you talking about - you could use Master if you wanted to, but strangely enough, men seem to have defaulted to Mr.

Maybe because it's easier all round, doesn't cause confusion, there's no second guessing or inadvertently offending people, they don't have to change it when they get married, nor be defined, title-wise, by their marital status.

If only there was a way for women to do the same thing. Oh, wait...

Next time it happens just say "I"m someone's wife, please address me as such" and the teacher is unlikely to forget to call you missus again.