To not want to be addressed as Mrs, and not Ms?

[MitziKinsky]

One of my DCs teachers always addresses me in writing as Ms. Kinsky.

I have the same surname as my DC, I wear a wedding ring, and often draghave DH with me, so I expect to be addressed as Mrs Kinsky, or even Mitzi (I am on first name terms with all the other staff at this school).

I find using Ms when you know someone is married a bit rude. I'm contemplating pointing out, nicely, that I'm a Mrs.

exactly Elaine. The OP doesn't sound cross that they've ignored her instructions. She sounds cross that she's not being given the credit she deserves for having bagged a husband.

Uh oh, here we go. Knew this thread would turn into a 'She thinks she's better because she's married' bashing of the OP.

haven't read all the posts, but I personally much prefer being called Ms. My husband isn't defined by his martial status so why should I be? I always tick Ms and only changed my name for work because it was confusing people, and the bank were being a nightmare.

I think the school are right to address all dads as Mr and all mums as Ms

so yabu

I'm not bashing her for being married, I'm saying she can and doubtless will ask this teacher to acknowledge her married status for reasons best known to herself but that doesn't mean they were wrong to call her Ms

Really? Get. Over. It.
Ms sounds like you can't make a choice. I personally think it's a completely inadequate title, and don't understand why people use it.
And I don't need a lecture on the historical implications of Miss and Mrs, thank you.

If you want to be defined by your marital status OP that's fine

But you do need to correct her or she'll never know.

I hate when people use Ms. I am a Mrs.

And I have a husband, not partner.

I didn't think the OP came across as if she was saying she was better than someone who wasn't married. it sounded to me more as if (and mitzi forgive me if I'm wrong), she thought that 'ms' was not generally used for married women who'd changed their names?

I read her post as saying essentially that the school should have known she was a 'mrs' from the ring and having the same name as her DC, right?

However, IMO it's quite normal to be 'ms' despite being married, and I know a fair few women who namechanged but kept the 'ms', so I think she is not actually right about that, but it's an easy mistake to make. And if it bothers her she should of course let the school know.

I am a married, ring-wearing 'ms' and DH and I want our children to have my name, but to be fair, I have to say that I think this is still relatively unusual.

You get over it! I don't know why you've got so much invested in this, indignant (good name!).

Ms is 'completely inadequate' why? Because it doesn't define a woman by her marital status and is thus 'inadequate'? Or did you mean something else, because I can't for the life of me think what that might be!

I use Ms because its nobodies buisness what my marital status is

LRDtheFeministDragon, you're right about the naming of children after the woman as unusual. I only know of one woman of my acquaintance who's done this. I'm the other one.

LRD you could be right. Apologies OP if I have misread your post.

PS I am a married, ring wearing Ms. We haven't yet fully negotiatedd decided whose name any DC will have .

echt - it's lovely that it is becoming more normal. Nice to hear of someone who has done it.

minipie the deal struck by me and DH was my name for girls, his name for boys.

I think the school are right to address all dads as Mr and all mums as Ms

... except in cases when doing so would be wrong. Some dads aren't a Mr. My husband isn't. He's a Doc.

echt that's interesting, we have thought about a similar boy/girl choice. I have two surnames - my mum's and my dad's - because my mum didn't change her name. So one solution we have discussed is that all our DCs have two surnames - girls have Mymumsurname DHssurname and boys have Mydadsurname DHssurname.

But then, the feminist in me doesn't like the idea of treating the DCs differently depending solely on their gender. What do you think about this?

It's inadequate, because it causes more confusion than any other title. It can be important to some people to be called Mrs. And they shouldn't be ashamed of that because others don't like it.

eurochick The rule in my office is to write to a woman as Ms unless she has written to us as Miss Josephine Soap or Josephine Soap (Mrs) or otherwise made it clear that she prefers one of the older forms - do you see anything wrong with that?

If OP prefers Mrs then Mrs she should be. Maybe one day Miss and Mrs will fall out of use but it has not happened yet.

Also, lots of women use Ms because it's important to them, which is fine, but say they don't like it.

Does he always get addressed as DR then...do you stop being a Mr when you are a doctor?

I never knew that

But it shouldn't cause any confusion, because all it says is 'you are a woman'.

I'm dr as well, and it's nice when it's acknowledged, because I worked very hard for it - but I would never be offended to be called Ms because that's true as well.

If OP said 'I want to be called Dr not Ms', what would the consensus be?

Minipie I think not so much based on gender but on simplicity, it's probably easier for all the children to have the same name - but I do like the idea of passing your name along the female line.

He does always get referred to as Dr and that pisses him off too. He's not a Dr he's a Doc. Which is a higher qualification and title than Dr.

Good point, minipie, the whole thing is fraught with compromise.:)

Someone will be along in a minute to say that I use my father's name, and he's a man. But you have to start somewhere with these things. I didn't want my name to disappear.

Lord, I hadn't even heard of 'doc.'!