to be obsessing about a third child?

[boyfallingoutofthesky]

I have two perfect children, boy and girl, aged 3 and 1 and have just gone back to work after maternity leave which, contrary to expectation I am quite enjoying. However I have found myself becoming ridiculously broody (have never been a broody person before!) to the point where I am already plotting when I can next get pregnant even though my partner (pragmatic person) is being pretty firm that he only wants two and does not think we could afford three (we could but not if we send them to private school which he wants to do - an entire other thread!)

I think fundamentally a part of me is very sad about the prospect of never being pregnant again, and in addition I have always thought 3 children would be nice so feel a bit incomplete then feel guilty as I should just be happy with what we have. My question is are these feelings normal? If I had a third would I want a 4th?? I am 34 so probably have some time, but I guess every pregnancy has a risk and we should just be content to have 2 healthy children and not push our luck. Has anyone else had a similar experience and did it lead to another little bundle or did the feelings eventually go away?

wow, it has been great to read all these replies - particularly the ones who felt the same as I did and went on to have a third! Themightyfandango, your advice is extremely sensible (my partner would agree), but my head is screaming Ignore, Ignore! I don't think these feelings are very rational....
I do agree with those saying that when they imagine family dinners in the future etc 3 seems a more rounded, fun number whereas 2 is just a little...exact/dull? - not sure what word am looking for. Also like to think of them having more people around them in the future. Also agree with poster who said it's not that they are not enough, it's that they are so amazing I just want to know what other little people might be lurking in there! And cannot bear the thought of never feeling another baby moving inside me, going through childbirth again etc.
Anyway, we shall see - at moment am stockpiling all the things we have grown out of/mat clothes etc in the attic and dp is allowing this, which is giving me false hope...

And cannot bear the thought of never feeling another baby moving inside me, going through childbirth again etc.
I completely feel that - I've just started to get the hang of this pregnancy/childbirth thing - it be a shame to not do it again and meet some new little sweeties!

exactly, I also feel just getting the hang of the childbirth thing after apparently doing better the second time according to dp (needed instrumental delivery with first) - seems a shame not to just keep going!

I have 3 delightful boys. ds 1 and 3 were unlikely accidents. i am husbandless now however and 41 so although I still get broody (thought 3 would be enough) I accept that my family is complete. Your husband may change his mind. I had ds2 at 37 and ds3 at 39 so you have a few years to bring him round :)

Feeling at those of you who convinced your dhs/dps to have a third... Mine is totally, completely done with our two gorgeous dc and I can't shake off the feeling that there is one missing!!

That's how I feel exactly. Someone else is supposed to be here. A few someones actually!

I'm similar to many who've posted. Hubby wanted two kids but was happy to have 3 as it meant so much to me (always wanted loads of kids), we now have 2 boys of 4 and 3 and a 2 week old daughter. Ever since agreeing to number 3 hubby has been adamant that there'll be no more, and even gets annoyed when I try and bring it up. I hoped after this last baby was born I'd feel complete, but already I want to do it all again!

I do feel sad about not going through pregnancy/childbirth etc again, but it's more a case of the 3 I've got being so wonderful and gorgeous, why wouldn't we do it all again? I can understand there are practical reasons not to, but I've always been led by emotions so my attitude would be that practical considerations aren't important when it comes to having kids.

a great thread...so many of the things I've been (endlessly) pondering. I think my biggest worries at the mo are would I cope, could I be a good mum to 3? I already feel guilty enough that I shout too much at my 2 (generally lovely if endlessly frustrating!) DC. My DP is from a big family but is happy whatever we decide - but it does leave the decision more on my shoulders. Phuff...Good luck to everyone still trying to decide.

"And cannot bear the thought of never feeling another baby moving inside me, going through childbirth again etc"

Good god, no way for me! Hate being pregnant almost as much as I hate childbirth. If/when I have a third it will be ELCS all the way.

I'd do it all again for another snuggle of a newborn though.

Can't people snuggle other people's newborns!

I recommend twins to kill any desire for more babies. I do know of a few people who 'tried for a third' and ended up with 4 kids. Twins are quite common you know!

Nope, merrymarigold, other people's newborns just don't cut it

I have 3: boy, girl, boy and the youngest is 2, the oldest 7. DS2 was a surprise for which we were both equally responsible. But I adjusted fine and dh didn't and still hasn't to some extent. I love all mine and feel blessed to have a no. 3 but it has been difficult. It's hard having 3 different stages and needs at the same time. Sometimes I yearn to spend more time with each one individually. Family life is complex - at weekends, if you split, there's 2 go with 1 parent and 1 with the other. So who does what and when is more complicated. You have to be v decisive or else one or other child will start trying to take control. We have various 'issues', fussy eating is one with the 2 younger ones and it's hard to find time to follow a plan to getting it sorted. Having said that, I love it! I love that they each have 2 siblings. I love that the 2 older ones each love the baby. I love the bigger gap between no 1 and no. 3 and the fact that he can remember when his brother was born. No. 3 is so completely the opposite personality of the other 2 which is demanding and interesting equally. He is a challenge as he wants to follow everything they do. It is very tiring

YANBU - I was desperate for 3, even though it would have been far more practical in almost every way to stop at 2, and we nearly did. But I just ached for another, and thankfully had him in Feb after 2 nasty mc's . He is gorgeous, and I am soooo glad that I had him - even though he doesn't sleep much... Duffer.

Had a fantastic birth with him, even though he was a whopper at 10lb4oz and completely understand 'getting good at giving birth' as a reason to have another - my births have got better each time, DC3's was really good and it feels like a bit of a waste that I'm not going to do that again .

3 does feel like quite a lot more children than 2, though, and it helps that DC3 is a v happy, laid-back baby. And I am sure it will be v noisy when they are all older, and they will eat us out of house and home. But will be marvellous. Hope you get what you want .

I have 3. For 9 years I was completely happy with my 2 boys & didn't feel that I wanted any more. Then, in 2010, an unexpected (against the odds) pregnancy that ended in a missed miscarriage made both me & DH realise that we did actually want a third and, very luckily, our DD was born this summer. I now want number 4 & DH is quite open to the idea, except for the fact that we have no bedroom for DD let alone another baby .

So, somehow, we have gone from wanting "definitely no more than 2" to wanting a fourth in one short year. Some people are never satisfied .

Another one here who could have written the op, with a few differences.

We'd always said at least two, DH tending to accidentally leave out the 'at least' bit. He thinks 2 is enough - and I think his age is a factor. He's 13 years my senior (41 to my 28) and is thinking about affording uni fees when he's retired/ing. I just know there's someone missing: that DD2 is meant to be a big sister as well as a little one.

He's promised me that we'll have a proper grown-up conversation about it around DD2's 1st birthday (grown up as in calm, deliberating, well thought out discussion as opposed to me saying 'pleasepleasepleaseplease' while he sings 'lalalalala' with his fingers in his ears...). I know he would like a boy so I'm hoping that might be the swaying factor - 'let's just have another go at a boy, and if we get a girl, well at least we don't have to buy too much new stuff...'

I just feel really sad looking at DD2 (now 3 months) and thinking this is the last time I'm going to experience this stage. I do however tend to follow the line of 'yes you like BABIES, but do you honestly want 3 CHILDREN - or even TEENAGERS?'

I also feel a little animosity towards DH - that he's in some way punishing me for being younger than him :(

One good thing about having a third os you automatically get omg how does she do it? hero status from the 2.4's
Which I funny really as we are both drm families of 4 which seemed pretty usual in the 70/80s.

I would have a 4th if it wasn't too impractical/expensive

Family of 2 dc, eap boy and girl, seems too cold/sterile to me, but maybe coming from a big family does this.

Having 3 boys is by far the best thing in my life at te moment! Despite the juggling/chaos/money/hecticness involved

And yes I know what you mean about the birth, I finally felt I'd nailed it third time and it was the only one where I wasn't petrified and much less painful as a result!

Sorry I'm not helping am I? Come and join me in 3 dc chaos! It's fun! (most of the time)

(but read all the b

loving this thread - we have one child and are happy to stop there as it suits us all - luckily for me I haven't had too many thoughtless "oh isn't that selfish" comments - but if I had this thread would be a great one to read to show that most people's motivation for having more than one is because they blumming well WANT to, and want to meet that future little person - not because they are self sacrificing individuals who will go thought this necessary process to provide a sister or brother for their existing child. That's clearly PART of it - but the decision to have more is clearly (based on this thread) as 'selfish' as the decision to stop at one

eg we do what we want!

Have gone from really really adamant that we'd only have one after DD1 born nearly 4 years ago, to seriously yearning for another one, only 12 wks after DD2 born. Everything was so different this time - homebirth with independent m'wife - and soooo much more relaxed, that I really think I might have to do it all again. The whole experience has been utterly joyful. Knackering, but joyful.

OK, can I be really honest here? I hear a lot of v selfish and emotional reasons for wanting a third child. "I just feel one is missing", "I want to experience childbirth again as I'm getting better and better at it" (this has to be the worst one), "I can't look at my 2nd and think this is the last time I'll experience this and this." The OP doesn't mention anything about her other kids in these "broody feelings". They are just feelings fgs.

Grow up guys. Once you have 1 child, you have to think of the FAMILY ie. what's best for your husband/ marriage and the other 2 kids. OK, some of the reasons have been about family life, but v few tbh. What's going to be best for everyone not just you? In my opinion, to give your kids a lot of emotional support and practical support, it is very difficult to have a lot of kids (that would be more than 2 or 3 imo). It is hard to know in advance what's best for everyone, but it doesn't seem like it's considered as more important than "this is MY feeling and I own it and I WANT it."

OK rant over. Can you tell it's my time of the month?

Sorry, Mrs Bradley, x posted. But we agree!

I always wanted 4 children but It took us along time to conceive ds3 and I did become a little obsessed about it, then ds4 was conceived two months after ds3 was born.

There is 8 years between ds2 and ds3 and in that time the feelings didn't go away

the only other thing that i would add is not to think about how lovely dc3 would be- its great when they are 5, 3 and 1 or whatever.

however, really not so fun when they are 17, 15 and 13. and if you think it expensive when they are babies.....you have no idea and mine are state educated.

I have 5 DC and always wanted at least 3/4. I had difficult pregnancies, mulitple traumatic losses and hideous births but was always broody till having no 5 (now 3). I don't get broody now and feel 'done' but I still got the odd pang that I will probably never be pregnant again or have another little one-but that is OK. YANBU I have to admit it is usually my friends who wanted their 3rds much more than their hubbies! Most have managed to have their 3rd! Hope you can as well.

I've got an almost 6 year old DD and 3 year old DS. I was very, very broody for another DC when DS was a baby/toddler but as he's grown the broodiness has gone. I'm quite happy to stop at 2, I feel like I've got my hands full and I found the baby years quite hard work. YY aquafunf we'd be much less comfortable financially (in the future) putting teenagers through school, university, driving lessons etc etc...

And what if you fall pregnant with twins?!