to be obsessing about a third child?

[boyfallingoutofthesky]

I have two perfect children, boy and girl, aged 3 and 1 and have just gone back to work after maternity leave which, contrary to expectation I am quite enjoying. However I have found myself becoming ridiculously broody (have never been a broody person before!) to the point where I am already plotting when I can next get pregnant even though my partner (pragmatic person) is being pretty firm that he only wants two and does not think we could afford three (we could but not if we send them to private school which he wants to do - an entire other thread!)

I think fundamentally a part of me is very sad about the prospect of never being pregnant again, and in addition I have always thought 3 children would be nice so feel a bit incomplete then feel guilty as I should just be happy with what we have. My question is are these feelings normal? If I had a third would I want a 4th?? I am 34 so probably have some time, but I guess every pregnancy has a risk and we should just be content to have 2 healthy children and not push our luck. Has anyone else had a similar experience and did it lead to another little bundle or did the feelings eventually go away?

we went for baby no 3 and got 3 and 4!!! twins dont run in the family but you are more likely to release 2 (or more) eggs if you are aged over 30 and have two or more children (they only tell you that in the twins books -when its already too late) i wouldnt change them for the world but i would have had second thoughts if i had even considered we might have twins. i have also had cancer this year and have celiacs and hasimotos and it has been a bit of an eyeopener really, what would happen if i wasnt here for them? my DH would never cope, he cant even manage 30mins on his own with all four!!. it is mad in our house BUT i wouldnt change it now. i have had to give up teaching for a long time and i didnt want children because i would have to have time off work, i loved my job and it has been a big sacrifice for me. having said that i do have a more rewarding job now and even though it is really hard work i do love it (most of the time)

I have three almost all adult children 22, 18 and almost 14. I wouldnt be without them for the world and our third was a surprise. Saying that I still at the ripe old age of 48 get broody. I will have to wait for grandchildren.

My feeling is that if you can convince yourself with rational arguments then you'll be just fine. I couldn't with two, hence dc3 is with us. The arguments against a fourth are entirely convincing! I know that I feel sad sometimes about dd2 getting older, but whereas I got over that with dc2 by planning dc3, now I appreciate what's here, and look forward to what's coming (not least the prospect of sleep).

OP, like others here read your post and thought "that's me!" - I NEVER wanted more than 2, and neither does my DH, and we are lucky enough to have one of each (3 and 1). But every month when the blob comes I feel like it's a baby that could have been - WTF is that about?! I have put it down to just returning to work after mat leave with no 2 and knowing that I won't be going on mat leave again - may be some of what you are feeling too? Have also just sold the bugaboo, given away maternity clothes etc etc. Just met up with a friend who is pregnant with no 3 and it has me thinking all over again! Know all logical reasons why we always said we wanted just 2 (same reasons as others have posted), but think that biologically just not ready to say "that's it". So, I just acknowledge those feelings and think maybe they will go away one day :-)

I have 3 all same sex and knew immediately after 2 would have another - same feelings as you. Now, after 3, I am happy to stop I think - tho I could probbly go for one more if had more money/nanny/driver/gardener/cook/cleaner etc

I have 3.

I always knew I didn't want just the two - I grew up with a very bossy elder sister and was lonely, really. So I planned on 3 or 4. Had youngest and just felt complete.

3 is amazing - I genuinely would recommend it.

I have 2 DC and have gone through the "i'm not done", "lets just have another". My DH was not keen but open to persuasion. I now look after my Dneice two days a week and I love it. It makes me realise how hard having 3 is and when she goes home I love how peaceful and easy our house is!! She is a treasure so it is not her but I now know I am nowhere near patient or nice enough to have 3. It has been a risky but effective experiment!
As a sidenote I am in the process of becoming a surrogate, I didnt feel I could commit to the surrogacy if I wasnt as sure as I could be that I had completed my own family.

I had my second baby in May and weirdly I wanted to be pregnant again immediately after the birth - but thought it was just me being flooded with sex hormones from the pregnancy. I'd like to have 4. I feel like I absolutely HAVE TO be pregnant and give birth again.... but now pragmatic issues are starting to play on my mind: Do I have the time, space, love, money, patience, etc to bring more than 2 stable and secure adults into the world?...
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Nah! I have to have more! I'd be betraying myself otherwise!

I have 3. I always wanted 3. When I only had 2 I was very, very broody for another. Now I have 3, when I hear about people who are pregnant, my predominant thought is "Thank God I never have to do that again". And if they already have 3, I think "Bloody hell, are they mad! Four would be a nightmare." So, in answer to your question, if you had 3, I certainly don't think you would automatically want a 4th. I have a very clear sense of enough is enough.

i always wanted 3- dh needed persuading (although he loves babies). had dd2 at 29- finally agreed at 34 ish to try again- put it off because i was studying- started trying at 37- fell pregnant at 39. now have dds, 17, 14 and 3!

Would say though that i do feel broody- if i could do it all again, i would have had 4 and i think that if i had fallen more quickly with dd3, i might just have squeezed an extra one in. still, not meant to be. also, i had given myself to 40 to conceive, after which i would have knocked it on the head. if not meant to be, then fine, but i put off career move pending ttc and i couldnt have put life on hold.

I'm sort of the same Pinot . My older brother and I have a very fraught relationship and I would've loved another sibling. So I feel like I need at least 3 in case one's a deadbeat. :)

It's hard to know that I will be the one deciding everything for my parents as they age, for instance. My brother, much as I love him, is useless as far as anything important goes.

so similar to OP - I have DD who is 3.5 and DS who is 19 months and really really want a 3rd - but lost a baby before them at 28 weeks due to pre-eclampsia and had it again in both following pregnancies although not as bad - I am in the process of arranging to meet with my consultant to see exactly how high the risks might be..... we will see i suppose!

same quandry here. I'm not 32 yet and have had 2 easy birhs (last one last Friday!). Seems a shame not to have another - apart, of course, from all the logical, rational reasons. I'm going to give myself until DD is 1 to make the decision, then dh has the chop.

Mind you, if DD continues to be nocturnal, the decision may already be made!

I have 3. I have NO DESIRE to have anymore. In fact, if I found out I was pregnant I would sob, sob, sob for a very long time (so would dh!). I have wanted kids since I was about 11 (but didn't have any till 32). After the first, I was dying to have a second. Now I have 3 I am really SOOOO done. I don't even want to hold newborns anymore!!!

I am 25 two boys 5 and soon to be 3 . I would like another child too I think about it everyday without fail the pros and cons! I am one of five children and although I loved having lots of siblings and Im very glad my mum had more after me and my brother as we are not close at all I saw how much she had to give up to have us.
I asked her the other day about this issue and she said 'Do not have anymore than three children' she said its easier when there little but worse as they get older as you take on all their problems regarding relationships , jobs, finances etc were all older now and she still has to do loads and split herself between five of us it must be really hard lol

I think she cant wait for the day the last two of my siblings move out. In saying that my siblings are such good friends and I go to different ones for different things I would like y boys to have more than one sibling and not a huge gap either. I need to make up my mind soon but I am so settled and like my clothes , nights out and going to work I have a little freedom again now .
What should I do though I still cant decide and money would be tight I dont want to regret anything either but am petrified of childbirth too dread doing that again wish I could just decide and move on either way.

I totally agree with theas18 when she wrote: "There are a heck of a lot of things where 3 kids don't "fit" and if easy holidays /cars/not sharing rooms or stuff matters to you then don't have a 3rd. If you camp/caravan for holidays, share/hand stuff down and have an oldish car it's not really a problem usually."

There were six of us growing up in a fairly small 3 bedroom house - boys shared one room, girls the other and as the baby by a long ways I shared with my mum. No one felt hard done by. Hand-me-downs were a way of life and we swapped with the neighbours who had 6 children and the other neighbours who had 5. I think people used to have more children until recently!

My partner wants to stop at 2 - we are having trouble conceiving number 2 after conceiving DS very easily - and then I had severe SPD, a traumatic birth experience and further surgery, and post-natal depression. However, I always wanted 4. DP won't even really contemplate 3 children. Well, one thing at a time. We need to get a second baby on the way and see how we feel. I don't think sharing rooms and all that is really important. I think giving your child the opportunity to love, occasionally fight with! and grow with siblings in a loving family is a treasure that cannot be measured in money.

I don't know what it is about having a third but it always seems to be the one people deliberate about the most. These threads are so often about having a third, rarely a second or a fourth. I should know, I've started a few myself.

I'm reading this thread and my heart is leaping at the recommendations from other people. I'd love one more, just one more. I've got two girls and I would love three little girls, or two little girls and a boy. Either, I'd be so, so happy with either.

I think I could convince DH.

But it just seems to decadent in some ways, to go for a third.

I think the easiest decision was always DC2, she was always a when, not if. But DC3 - who knows??

I have 3 and am finding myself split in far too many ways. Admittedly, the last was not planned which may well change the way I see it, and there is a big gap, but its a big step up from 2. You and your other half simply cannot split yourself into 3, so for the club and party runs at the weekend and for ensuring each child gets special attention, the numbers just don't work!!

That's so true Bumble .

OP, I totally felt like you and having a third had been fantastic for us. Knackering obviously but she continues to bring us such joy. I call her the icing on the cake!

That said, when she was about a year, despite the fact that I'd given away all the clothes etc etc I was once again v v broody. And that might never go away for me. I'm now 36 and dh is 40 and he's convinced we're done. And as time goes on I'm more and more convinced too, just not quite 100%!

I have three.

It took me a really long time to persuade DH to go for a third (we have a 5 1/2 year gap between DD2 and DD3). I was incredibly down about the idea of not having a third and used to get really upset about it. I knew I would always regret it if I did not have a third.

Once I had DD3 my family was complete. Lots of people asked if I wanted a boy, as mine are all girls, but no I had just wanted three children.

DD3 has just turned 4 and I am not broody at all, just incredibly happy to have been lucky enough to have three perfect daughters and a husband kind enough to have a third child when he was happy with two.

So if you really want a third I would go for it if you can persuade your DH. It is the best thing I have ever done and I have not regretted it for a second.

I do think going for three is the hardest descion its going against the grain isnt it? Its not the norm these days I dont think but I am a fan of big familys.
I have an image in my head of myself having christmas dinner with my hubby and three kids and it just feels more right to me than two?
Four family members is a square five is a hug right? :D

I don't feel "done" yet- I have 2ds and there is 18 months between them. I keep thinking that once the wee one is at school I might be able to convince him to have another. he's happy with the boys and I am too..but I just feel I need one more.. I just have the urge to have a crew of them filling my house. To be fair my house is pretty full already as it is tiny. I would be happy if I had another boy but I would love it if there was a girl in my house. It just seems perfect to me.
ARGHHHH!!forgets to take pill
kidding!

I think giving your child the opportunity to love, occasionally fight with! and grow with siblings in a loving family is a treasure that cannot be measured in money. - YES!

If we'd sat down and thought logically about whether we could afford our 1st DD we would never have had any children at all. We've got 2 DDs, and this thread has managed to convince DH that we are allowed a 3rd! Thanks be to Mumsnet!

I'm about to have dc3. I've always wanted three being one of three myself (and we all get on despite a ten yr age gap between me and my sister) DH has always stated a pref for "stopping at two" but was quite happy when we found out no3 was on the way.
I, too, wonder if I'll stop being broody at three, but hopefully there's "look at that cute baby broody" and "I will not be complete until I have no 3" broody. I feel my five shaped family is right and up til now there was an empty chair (even if it'll be a few months before baby is able to sit in it!!) I just feel soooooo lucky to be pg with #3.

I did feel a pang of jealousy when a friend who's just had no 3 was being teased about when the next one was due and she answered "maybe next year". I DO hope I feel like stopping at three