To believe I shouldn't be accosted about where I leave my shopping trolley?

[ExquisiteCake]

Has just returned from the hell hole that is Tesco. I parked in Parent & Baby as I am a parent, with a baby (20 mo) and am due another in 2 weeks. In this particular Tesco, the P&B spaces are no where near the entry door but are near the shelter, so you can get out and walk under the shelter to the door, retrieve a trolley and go shopping. However on your way out, you can use the exit door right next to the P&B parking, so you don't have to wheel a heavy trolley the 2 mile stretch across the car park. However, you have to put the trolley back near the front door, as there is no trolley park within 50 yards of the P&B section. Not happy leaving my son strapped in the car alone, nor loving the idea of lugging him on my hip in the pouring rain, I pushed my trolley (once emptied) near to the exit door, under the shelter as the woman next to me had parked and was getting out, and I figured she could retrieve it as the seat was dry etc.

Some absolute knob head walked past with his trolley in his fucking cheese cloth suit and said;

"Oh just going to LEAVE it there are you?".

I was half in the car, and I said,

"Excuse me?"

Him: "You. Leaving that there."

Me: "It is not my fault that Tesco do not provide a trolley park near enough the parenting spaces so I don't have to leave my baby in the car alone while I dance across the car park".

Him: "You have legs, you CAN walk, don't just leave it there".

Me: "It isn't upside down in the sea, is it? I don't see it has anything to do with you, if it offends you so much, get a job here and see if they'll let you collect the trollies".

Got in my car and drove off doing the wanker gesture as I went past him.

I'd like to add, he was parked 2 spaces over from me WITHOUT A CHILD. Which I know is not a legal right blah blah, but he had the bloody audacity to quiz me on supermarket etiquette. What a dick.

Don't tell me he was right, I may hang myself.

I really don't understand why people find it so hard to understand that some people really struggle through pregnancy.

I have severe asthma (have been ventilated), scoliosis which causes painful back spasms and classical migraine so I have had my fair share of health complaints over the years but not withstanding the glory of human nature and the wonder of pregnancy, I have to say that even in my uncomplicated healthy first pregnancy I found the first trimester absolutely horrendous. I am a pretty solid, robust sort but the tiredness and nausea were just overwhelming at times. I sat on the sofa for weeks and I couldn't so much as touch raw meet or even chop vegetables.

It is not like this for everyone but the scorn heaped upon women for daring to suggest that pregnancy leaves you feeling a bit delicate is a bit much. Feeling rough for weeks on end hardly means you are seeking to be treated like a pampered princess, I don't understand this analogy.

This whole thing puts me in mind of the of Denice in the Royle Family: 'It's a grapefruit, not an orange, Dave!'
And the constant 'I'm pregnant!' refrain.

Cross-posted with Rockandhardplace and now I feel bad.
I suffered with nausea and back pain, and when my babes were delivered at 10 and 11lbs plus, with the benefit of hindsight I wished I'd had a mobility scooter!

I presume you are saying the husband is selfish for not cooking a decent meal?

Yes, they would both be extremely selfish if they had other kids to feed and couldn't be bothered to do it properly.

Jesus maybe it's a generational thing but I'm old enough to remember 'one car families' where the car wasn't available during the day. Supermarkets were few and far between and people walked to the butchers, grocers, hardware store every day to pick up provisions for the family.

Now I'm quite sure there were days when pregnant women asked a neighbour to help....but generally not because they 'didn't fancy doing it' or because it was a 'drizzly day'

That's just bloody lazy imo. I think we're becoming a nation of over entitled lazy slobs....well if you believe all you read on MN we are

When munchkin was smaller I used to keep her in the trolly, unload trolly/load car, then lock the car and take the trolly back to the trolly park. Then just carry her to the car.

On occasion, I absent-mindedly put her into the car first. Then I'd leave the trolly somewhere sensible near the car rather than leave her or mess about, possibly causing upset to get her back out again.

Had he been a gentleman he would have seen that you were struggling, OP and offered to take it back for you. That's what I would have done in cases where the trolley leaver was not being simply lazy. Not that I am a gentleman People do seem to love barking out the rules instead of trying to help who is struggling stay within them. Oh well, that's his personality disorder.

The fact that he was parked in a P&T space just makes the whole thing ridiculous.

I really don't understand why people find it so hard to understand that some people really struggle through pregnancy.

What people?

Oh rock - no ones having a dig at ladies with difficult pregnancies - their all just having a go at me for my views on lots of TLC during run-of-the-mill pregnancies.

"Feeling rough for weeks on end hardly means you are seeking to be treated like a pampered princess"

I didn't say that it did. The people who expect to be treated differently just because they are pregnant are pampered little princesses. You were ill with pregnancy related illnesses/illnesses that were exaggerated by pregnancy.

You're okay WhatsWrongWithYou! I just find some of the "pregnancy is not an illness" stuff a bit hard smug sometimes, though I wonder if it's the selective amnesia stuff. Before getting pg with this dc I had forgotten just how grotty I felt in pregnancy, would have described it very differently to someone. Yet now I am pg again it all comes back, like a revelation. I was amazed by how awful I felt when pg, I was astounded that people were expected to just carry on as if feeling normal when feeling more ill than you would with a severe stomach bug. In normal life, if you are nauseous, throwing up, sleepy and dizzy, you wouldn't go in to work. You certainly wouldn't expect to feel like that all day every day for 12, 14 even 20 weeks (I last threw up on my last pregnancy at 22 weeks) and work at full capacity and fulfil all your regular duties. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, well, it's a duck!

Worra, there are still one car families!! And even - shock, horror! - NO car families!

I am not smug. Pregnancy in itself is not an illness. It may cause problems for some people but that doesn't make it an illness in itself.

And no, I don't have selective amnesia. thanks. I can remember every little shitty bit of each of my three pregnancies.

OK so now I'm an over-entitled lazy slob with princess syndrom who feeds her family shite - not that I need to defend myself - but I would add most of the lean cuisene meals were served with veg (you can zap those little frozen packets of mixed veg in the microwave in only four mins - no need for half an hour on your feet at the end of a long pregnant day).

I was just reflecting, wondering.. But what's to be gained in being dismissive of people feeling really really horrific in pregnancy? What does it matter if it's not an illness if you really are feeling terribly under par? I really see no difference between throwing up because you have a bug and throwing up because you are pregnant, they both make everyday life quite tough. I know it affects my work and how I do everyday things. Not doing it on purpose, mind you, it just does!

And when you throw up all over a train carriage on the way to work, the people around you don't want to hand you a medal just because it's not contagious!

totally, rocks

RosemaryAndThyme - no you aren't. You just live your life in quite a different way to many people (as we've talked about before). In some ways the way you live is lovely and in some ways (for me) it would be suffocating. I can appreciate your POV more because I know more about your background, when people don't, your comments in isolation can seem a little strange. You shouldn't take it personally when people make comments that are a bit harsh.

Yes Chip - I try not offend but I am aware that here things are soooo different now from the outside world, am just really glad that the www exists to give a window into others' lives - it really does do me good to have views that have been instilled, challenged.

Rose - I think it's good for other people to hear your views and I think it's good for you to hear theirs/ours. You just need to be aware that without some background, some people will jump on what you say because without context your pov does often seem very 1950's. I would hate for you to take offence/get hurt and stop posting here. I'd miss you and I think (to be perfectly blunt) that it is good that you have more exposure to the 'outside world' x

Ok, I'm intrigued now.

Ah. The penny just dropped.

R&T - you must surely understand that your living situation is highly unusual and that things that you see as desirable and normal and practical simply aren't relevant for the vast majority of women with normal pregnancies?

Hmm, in my experience of being pregnant other people love to look after you! Not other mums though, apart from my own. In fact, i found other women who have had children who have noticed mainly men standing up for me so i can sit down, offering to get me a drink etc pretty spiteful.

Pregnancy in itself isn't an illness but it can be an emotional fraught time and can make you ill and as we all experience it differently then its unfair to suggest that other women are being 'pampered princesses' because they don't feel able to or can't do everything that other people can.

I think that the bloke in the op should've offered to take the trolley back as that's what I'd do if I felt that strongly about it and I could see a pregnant woman struggling. Just I would if I saw an elderly person struggling as it's common courtesy issue not a reflection on how pregnant women are/aren't valued by society IMHO. I wouldn't have done wanker signs though :)

Very mysterious!

Just a quick hello to Rosemary- always nice to see you.
Think you must have a more civilised/ better trained dh than mine. No pampering when pregnant in this house - would have been nice!

its unfair to suggest that other women are being 'pampered princesses' because they don't feel able to or can't do everything that other people can. [sic]

I think if you can't walk across the car park to return your trolley then you probably shouldn't be out shopping on your own. When your pregnancy starts becoming someone else's problem then I think you need to have a bit of a look at yourself. It's not a licence to behaved like a princess.

It is a nice thing to ask a pregnant woman if she'd like any help, or to offer her a seat. It is quite another to tell her what to do or to excuse her from behaving like a civilised member of society.