.. to be really hacked off with my Mum over vaccinations

[MrsTwinks]

Me and DH are TTC. A passing comment from a relative about my mum and doctors got me thinking about my jabs so thought I'd better get my rubella checked.

Just back from the doctor and it turns out all vaccinations on me stopped when I was about 2. Everything. Now IIRC 1988 was pre the MMR scare, but even so I could understand that, except its all of them. They have recommended I have a polio and tetanus now, but I'm also missing BCG etc.

AIBU to be really fucked off at my mum for a)kinda for just doing it to start with but honestly really b) never bloody telling me!!

I work with kids, shes been on at me to TTC for literally years, and not once has she mentioned me not having had my jabs. The tetanus one really fucks me off too because as a teen I cut my leg open really badly on rusty metal, it got infected so bad even the holes from the stitches got all infected and she didn't let/make sure I had a tetanus booster. I suspect also she never told my Dad because he went ape when I nearly didn't have my meningitis c when I was 17. He was a SAHP with me at first as he was a student so I wonder if maybe it was only him who took me in the first place.

I'm still really mad 'cos I ust discovered it ontop of alot of other stuff she did but now its like she coulda been playing russian roulette with not only my health as a child but my kid's if I hadnt thought to check it iykwim.

and breathe

Have you asked her about it?

You would have to have a tetanus every 10 years I think to keep it upto date I just had one again to go on holiday

yanbu to be angry she never told you and let you think otherwise. Especially the tetanus thing, very scarey that one. Sounds like your dad didn't realise, either?

I think it'd be different if she had kept you informed all the way along, so you could make other choices if you wanted once you were an adult.

I'm not sure to be honest. I think all jabs should be approached with an open mind and not a sheep like mentality.

You only need up to 5 tetanus shots, though, I think, once you've had 5 "they" say you don't need to get t hem any more, I think.

She certainly should have told you - even if she made a conscious decision about not having you vaccinated, she should give you the information to make your own decisions now, specially about rubella.

I really don't want to ask right now as stepdad is in hospital with cancer

its not her not giving me them. that was her choice at the time, and she is more than entitled to it although I am alittle miffed as i know dad is pro vaccine and can't imagine him agreeing iykwim. Its that now I'm an adult SHES NEVER TOLD ME. a few years ago someone at work had chicken pox, I asked if I had it, giving her an in to tell me. She said couldnt remember and totally dropped the subject.

You don't routinely get a tetanus booster any more - for a while it was after 5 years, then after 10 then not at all unless you'd had an accident where it was particularly important. I kept going back to get a booster, and they'd always just changed the guidelines so I didn't need it!

I think your mother was wrong never to have discussed this with you.
My dc have many vaccinations missing but I discuss it with them and have gone through in great detail with ds1 as he is now 18

But tbh I am surprised that you have never checked with her, or that you don't seem to have noticed that you haven't had jabs. Especially tetanus.
You are an adult.
You arecresponsible for your own health

I think that it is a bit odd for your mum not to have told you about the rubella vaccination if she knows you are ttc as this could be potentially very dangerous.

I think, with the way things are, she must have had some reasons not to immunise you.

Perhaps she felt strongly at the time and, over the years, its slipped to the back of her mind and, you being all healthy and that, kind of justified her reasons.

I'm not going to get into the judgemental 'immunisations are/aren't evil' argument (each to their own, IMO) - she just must have had her own reasons for doing it and didn't think the issue would ever come up. [shrug]

I would be livid as well. Totally irresponsible

although if you haven't had the rubella jab, or rubella, you are probably naturally immune to it by now.

totally yanbu, it's about being informed over something essential to your own health. :(

But I'm not sure it's worthwhile to make a huge issue of it; you're talking about decisions she made almost 25 years ago. Maybe she wouldn't make them today. Do you think she didn't mean the best for you?

It's a while since there was a vaccination thread!

Very amiss of her not to tell you that you weren't vaccinated when you are trying for a baby.

Thank goodness for herd immunity and that you've not contracted anything nasty >>dons hard hat

did you not have the rubella jab at school when you were about 11/12 years old? When you cut your leg as a teenager and needed stitches, the doctors who treated you should have made sure you had had your tetanus booster.

sorry, i've just noticed you mentioned 1988, i don't know if rubella was still going round much by the late 80s, whereas in the 70s i believe it was more common (i had it in 1975).

Oh knowing my mum it is completely not worth mentioning it, she has total blinkers about anything she may have done (right or wrong) when we were kids, so I'm not going to. Still livid

pagwatch have you checked you had your whopping cough or indeed your polio as a kid? its not something you really think of is it, you assume these things are done, at least I did. Had I been in a situation to need a tetanus I would have asked but luckily I havent since the days the doctors passed everything through my mum.

The tetanus vaccination would have done nothing to prevent any infection at the time of your rusty nail incident... you are only offered it when you have an animal bite or break skin with something dirty like your rusty nail so if you had not suffered from this again, it is unlikely you would have been "topped" up. Next, your BCG, you would have been 13/14 when this was administered and therefore quite old enough for you to remember it - as you would have been one of the few in your year not to wonder around the school with a sore arm.

In all honesty the only other vaccination you would have had between 2 and 16 would have been MMR. I suggest you go and have a chat with your GP and see if you need/want any other vaccinations.

As to your mum, she did what she thought was best at the time, doubtless there will be things that you will do that your children to come may not agree with. And finally, my mum could never remember which of us had had which illness, childhood illnesses do morph from one child to another (actually she also used to mix my birthday up with another sister, too)... except my sister who was always the "delicate" one!

belgo no, it would appear my mum refused permission. Which I can only assume she did with the doctor in A&E as no where in my notes is there listing of anything after 2ish.

It shouldn't be too much of a problem to run a blood test and decide which jabs you need now. I would definitely have rubella (MMR I guess) done before TTC if you're not immune. You probably won't need BCG. My mum didn't want me to have that done. Years later when I asked the nurse about getting it done as an adult she said that it was being stopped anyway and they only do it if you are at risk (such as working in a hospital).

I agree with you - your mum should have told you you weren't immunised so you could get it done as an adult if you wanted to.

yanbu for being annoyed that yuor mother has never discussed this with you (for information, rather than to justify her decision)

my dds have incomplete vaccinations. I will be telling them about it as they grow up, and discussing it with them as appropriate. I also make sure that everyone involved with htem knows their status, and my reasoning.

I was livid when both I and my daughter caught whooping cough at the same time. I was another of those things that mum didn't mention to me (apparently tehre was a "scare" when I was young about the vaccine so loads of people didn't get it).

Not only did I have to worry about my newborn living through whooping cough and cope with checking she was breathing every 20minutes but I could hardly breathe myself :(

If you haven't had vaccines I'd be tempted to go tot he doctors and see what you can catch up on!