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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to be really hacked off with my Mum over vaccinations

311 replies

MrsTwinks · 10/11/2011 16:50

Me and DH are TTC. A passing comment from a relative about my mum and doctors got me thinking about my jabs so thought I'd better get my rubella checked.

Just back from the doctor and it turns out all vaccinations on me stopped when I was about 2. Everything. Now IIRC 1988 was pre the MMR scare, but even so I could understand that, except its all of them. They have recommended I have a polio and tetanus now, but I'm also missing BCG etc.

AIBU to be really fucked off at my mum for a)kinda for just doing it to start with but honestly really b) never bloody telling me!!

I work with kids, shes been on at me to TTC for literally years, and not once has she mentioned me not having had my jabs. The tetanus one really fucks me off too because as a teen I cut my leg open really badly on rusty metal, it got infected so bad even the holes from the stitches got all infected and she didn't let/make sure I had a tetanus booster. I suspect also she never told my Dad because he went ape when I nearly didn't have my meningitis c when I was 17. He was a SAHP with me at first as he was a student so I wonder if maybe it was only him who took me in the first place.

I'm still really mad 'cos I ust discovered it ontop of alot of other stuff she did but now its like she coulda been playing russian roulette with not only my health as a child but my kid's if I hadnt thought to check it iykwim.

and breathe

OP posts:
Sidge · 10/11/2011 17:34

It is unreasonable of her to not have told you, as an adult, that you hadn't received some routine vaccinations. It can be important to know what you have or haven't had before as it could influence medical management of certain situations.

You can certainly make an appointment to discuss any vaccination requirements with a practice nurse at your surgery if you are keen to update your immunisation status - it's never too late to vaccinate. You could receive diphtheria, tetanus and polio at any time, and MMR may be advised (but avoided if you are pregnant and you would need to avoid getting pregnant for 1 month after the vaccine). BCG wouldn't be routinely given any more.

Pagwatch · 10/11/2011 17:36

I have had to try and piece together what happened - what I got and what I didn't get, because there were 8 of us and my mum couldn't remember.

I asked her because I had to do things like school trips when I was in my teens, life insurance documents when I bought my house and I checked everything out when dh and I decided to try for a baby.

Yes, she should have told you. But it is still your responsibility.
Well, that's how I have always viewed it.

By the way, polio is given early so should have been before she dropped the vaccines. Is there a reason they suggested that one?

Original poster
MrsTwinks · 10/11/2011 17:37

thats horrible about the whooping cough! They are going to get me caught up, so that will be that worry gone & I'm slightly less upset at no BFP yet now mind. Just wondering what else she won't have told me Confused

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 10/11/2011 17:38

I never had my BCG - ended up getting it done myself when I was about 20. Mum was very lax about those kind of things!

Original poster
MrsTwinks · 10/11/2011 17:39

pagwatch apparently its given in a few lots, and I only got some, so they are taking bloods and checking if I need it.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 10/11/2011 17:41

YANBU to be mad that she didn't tell you. It's a bit late to find out things like that when you're already TTC. What if you had become pregnant? But now that you know it is up to you to find out what is needed and get it done if you feel you should.

I am surprised that they didn't play the heavy with her in the hospital when you went with the gash in your leg. The time I had to take a DC to A&E with an open wound they gave a tetanus jab, and on the occasions when two of the DCs went for housebuilding/repair summer volunteering sessions they had to present proof of recent tetanus jabs.

Georgimama · 10/11/2011 17:43

I don't think it is unreasonable for the OP to assume that she was given the usual immunisations as a child if she has never been expressly told she hadn't.

Your mother should have told you especially as you are TTC.

ballstoit · 10/11/2011 17:43

YANBU. Would have been helpful for your Mum to tell you, particularly as she knew you were TTC. Probably not worth causing a rift about it now though, as you say at least you knew before becoming PG.

Pagwatch · 10/11/2011 17:46

Oh, ok.

Well you are on to it now and presumably have your medical records. So hopefully you can take charge of it and do whatever you feel you need to.

Good luck.

NinkyNonker · 10/11/2011 17:46

I definitely think she should have told you. You were prob aware as a teen that you weren't getting the jabs others were, but it wouldn't have harmed her to mention it.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/11/2011 17:46

You were very sensible to get checked.

The reason they used to give the rubella vaccine to 12 year old girls (pre MMR) was to give them protection in case of pregnancy. Unless you've eg been traveling to parts of India or other areas where TB is still common, I'd be most upset by her not telling you about your not having protection from rubella whilst encouraging you to have children. Refusing the tetanus was risky but if you were going to be harmed by that it would already have happened IYSWIM.

Minus273 · 10/11/2011 17:47

I would be very annoyed if my Mum didn't tell me something like that.

I didn't get my whooping cough vaccine due to the scare but I had whooping cough at 4, a horrible illness.

Pakdooik · 10/11/2011 17:48

totally bonkers for not getting you vaccinated and then not telling you

ilovedjasondonovan · 10/11/2011 17:50

I was never given the polio or 7 prong one (the circle on everyone has on their arms). My mum never wanted me to have them.

She didn't tell me, I just kind of worked it out when all the other girls at school were talking about sugar lumps and when I saw the circles on peoples arms when I was older.

Didn't bother me in the slightest, just popped off to the docs and got myself sorted out.

LatteLady · 10/11/2011 17:52

Both my brother and I had the Pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine and still managed to catch it... vaccination is not a guarantee that it will not happen, it just lessens the odds.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/11/2011 17:52

Most of the stuff you didn't get vaccinated for you'd most likely have caught by now if you were going to, if that's any consolation.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/11/2011 17:57

Vaccinations have different rates of efficacy in preventing people from catching the illness. Some are one jab and you're done. Some require many boosters. Some give complete protection to a high % of people. Some don't.

If the NHS offers it, it's likely that it is worthwhile, as it has to pass cost vs benefit criteria that mean some vaccinations that are standard in eg USA aren't offered here.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/11/2011 17:58

The 7 prong is the pre BCG one to see if you have any antibodies against TB.

ArthurPewty · 10/11/2011 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pakdooik · 10/11/2011 18:12

Leonie your choice but in my opinion you are toying with your children's lives/health. Science won't prove you wrong or right but measles or polio viruses might

Minus273 · 10/11/2011 18:14

I think the issue here is more that the OP's Mum didn't tell her she was unvaccinated. If she had known she may have decided not to get some of them but she would then be making an informed choice. As it is she was unable to make that choice as she did not have the information.

ArthurPewty · 10/11/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 10/11/2011 18:18

Pakdooik

So far people have focussed on whether the ops mother should have told her or not - and managed to side-step some of the predictable foulness that arises on vac threads.

Would you mind...
I would be ever so grateful.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/11/2011 18:20

Are you including the HPV vaccination in that LeonieDelt?

Pakdooik · 10/11/2011 18:22

Pag

I'm a comparative newcomer so not been on a vaccination thread before. I had no idea there was an etiquette involved.

Off for tea then