to ask you all to follow a few guidelines in the supermarket?

[MardyBra]

If you meet someone, please do not block up the whole aisle with your trolleys at a 45 degree angle, while you chat to them. If you do, do not be surprised if I accidentally run into your trolley.

If you are dithering over which variety of hummous to buy, please do not block access to all other hummouses by parking yourself and your trolley in front of the display and then refuse access to other hummous buyers who know exactly which type they want to buy. (Ditto olives)

If you are self scanning, you do not need to locate the bar code on every item. Just waving it vaguely in the direction of the code reader will usually suffice.

Please do not allow young children to self-scan while there is a queue with me in it behind you. Older children may be permitted to self-scan if they have completed advanced scanning technique tuition.

If you are particularly dithery, please consider shopping at off-peak hours (between 9pm and 8am ideally).

Above all, maintain a sense of humour.

If we all follow the guidelines, we should all have more spare time to hang out on and MN and have a better quality of life.

Thank you.

• if you insist on driving the wrong way round a one way system in the car park, at least have the decency not to glare at me when you meet me going the right way round it.

• when you have unloaded your trolley onto the conveyor belt you do not have to stand next to it and guard it as if its your most precious possession -there isn't enough room between the checkouts to do that which means that the person at the adjacent checkout can't even squeeze their trolley through. Please stand behind or in front of it, thank you.

Waitrose on marylebone high street, a young boy on a FUCKING SCOOTER. A SCOOTER in a fucking supermarket. I nearly threw my pomegranate at his mother.

DS2 takes his scooter into our local Tesco and Waitrose. The pleasure it gives me watching him barge into the gaggle of Yah syudents blocking the aisles........ Bliss

Don't go, stay at home, put your feet up and have it delivered. And you won't spend so much even with the delivery charge.

Katie, maybe they could just have a polite sign up reminding entitled parents that other people need to get round the supermarket too, that it is small and narrow of aisle, and that if it already appeared to be at mahoosive-buggy capacity and their child is capable of walking, maybe, just maybe, they could consider folding it up. Or that, in cases where two adults are blocking the aisles shopping with a child in a buggy, one adult might perhaps sit and have a coffee and look after the child and buggy rather than both fighting their way round and pissing off everyone else.

It should also be a rule that people follow the logical up one aisle, down the next so there is not chaos... And the fabulous assistants who decide that peak times are the best times to get out their huge pallet trolleys and block the whole aisle by putting then in the middle. Plus the staff who stand gossiping and then glare when I ask them politely to move so I can get something off the shelf. Shocking.

That being said, I went to morrisons yesterday with my DS asleep in his sling. The number of lovely helpful older people made my day. Even a lovely man in the queue who offered to help me unload my shopping onto the conveyer belt!

Excellent. An now getting strange looks off of colleagues wondering what the hell I'm laughing now

If using the self scan with young children in tow, please FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND CHOCOLATE COVERED do NOT let your child sit on the previous self scan till's packing bit. It's weighs the shopping, every time your kid sits or even bashes it the assistant has to come out and help ME and then you tut at me about how 'some people just can't do self scan but it's so easy ' --and I write you down in my Big book of people I will kill one day

when it's your turn to pay, just effing well get on with it and pay, rather than trying to find every single permutation of coins to make up £25.67 pence, usually taking FOREVER. oh and at least TRY to have your bloody purse/wallet within striking distance, rather than faffing about for 2 minutes saying "I think it's here somewhere"...you're in a supermarket and about to pay for your shopping, so it's hardlycsome great surprise you have to suddenly find your money FFS!!!

What is it with old people going to the supermarket on Fridays? Is it just because pensions are paid on Thursdays? Why don't they go on Thursdays then?

Our local Waitrose is a complete no-go area on Fridays from early o'clock. The whole area locks up with cars waiting to go into the car park. And it's all old people! Why?!

I know, I'm normally fairly good at standing up for myself but he got there while I was still debating my approach. I felt awful afterwards for not thanking him though. It was all in the delivery, ever so polite in tone, reasonable, well spoken. Brill.

Things like that never happen to me, so I can rarely contribute to annoyance threads!

I am old and the remainder of my life is too short and precious to go in supermarkets.

My guidelines are:

1. Shop online wherever possible and have it delivered.

1. If you are forced to use a supermarket then go in M&S or Waitrose at 9.30 am when no one else is there.

1. Never take children in any supermarket...ever!

If you place your two year old child 'on the side' at the self service tills do not be surprised that the till refuses to work and announces 'unexplained item in bagging area'

What is the etiquette on pointing out sneaky pricing to other shoppers?

If you've noticed that 2 x 1kg bags of rice are cheaper than one 2kg bag do you point it out to someone as they reach for the larger bag? Do you risk causing offence?

coraltoes I am now actively hoping for an excuse to throw a pomegranate at someone.

You need to be in my Waitrose by 8am to stand a chance! 8.30/9am and it's game over!

I do online shop as much as possible, but of course you always need to pop in for the odd thing.

godrill

Booths Keswick is such a tourist trap, I only go there if I'm in a really good mood

My local Tesco megacentre thing is full of whole families going shopping. FGS do you really need ALL of you there? Mum, Dad, fighting kids?

Drives me nuts.

If only one of you drives, drop the non-driver off and take the kids elsewhere. Tescos is NOT the place for them. ARGH.

This business of putting your errant child in the trolley whilst shopping and thus incurring the wrath of MNrs who claim their food will be irreparably contaminated with germs - do you actually put raw food, unpackaged or peeled into your trolley? I wouldn't have thought that shopping trollies are the most hygenic of items anyway with all the coughing and hacking and sneezing and god knows what else that goes on in the course of everyday supermarket shopping life and being left out in the open for bird's to target practice with their lovely poo etc.

And, yes, I put my errant son in the trolley when his little sister is sitting in the seat bit (MN cardinal rule break no.1)

Not sure if this has already been covered as haven't read the whole thread (MN cardinal rule break no.2)

Come on then - come and have a go! Come and tell me what a heinous person I am and worse than a thousand Hitlers.

Whomovedmychocolate - I love the concept of a 'Big Book of People I Will Kill One Day' - can I have one too, please?

I'm going to take trolley-child's shoes off, now, as a result of this thread.

and please wait till your bags are all packed then spend ages trying to find your purse.

The child in the trolley is also about danger, I know of children who have fallen out and had concussion.
My two managed to get to teenagers without having a ride in the basket of the trolley, they knew it was a just not going to happen.

Well, sometimes I feel it's safer to have both toddlers sitting quietly in the trolley.

I never experience any kind of ire in the supermarket and actually don't recognise any of the above. This makes me think that it might be me doing it all.

Or the fact that I live in student-ville and they all have baskets and just nip in for vodka and fags and aren't even dressed by 1pm