to ask you all to follow a few guidelines in the supermarket?

[MardyBra]

If you meet someone, please do not block up the whole aisle with your trolleys at a 45 degree angle, while you chat to them. If you do, do not be surprised if I accidentally run into your trolley.

If you are dithering over which variety of hummous to buy, please do not block access to all other hummouses by parking yourself and your trolley in front of the display and then refuse access to other hummous buyers who know exactly which type they want to buy. (Ditto olives)

If you are self scanning, you do not need to locate the bar code on every item. Just waving it vaguely in the direction of the code reader will usually suffice.

Please do not allow young children to self-scan while there is a queue with me in it behind you. Older children may be permitted to self-scan if they have completed advanced scanning technique tuition.

If you are particularly dithery, please consider shopping at off-peak hours (between 9pm and 8am ideally).

Above all, maintain a sense of humour.

If we all follow the guidelines, we should all have more spare time to hang out on and MN and have a better quality of life.

Thank you.

Ok, I conceed the chatty middle of the aisle fuckwits groups.

BUT

How about this for a weird concept

How about having some patience and allowing people to do their shopping however the hell they like?

at the self-serving salad slag and at the conveyor belt barging.

I have the solution to all your supermarket woes. Plug yourself into your iPod. You might find yourself dancing a bit, and it's probably only sensible if you are without small children, but it makes shopping positively pleasant. I am oblivious to everyone.

No matter how much you need to get the attention of the shopper in front of you, it is never acceptable to jab them between the shoulder blades with your finger. And if it ever happens to me again I will headbutt you be severely displeased

If you are self scanning, you do not need to locate the bar code on every item. Just waving it vaguely in the direction of the code reader will usually suffice.

You don't shop in my local Tesco, then . . .

Loonytoonie. I am glad you have a subtle sense of irony.

I suppose a pamphlet would do, Bra. As long as it's done properly.

SixStringWidow Wouldn't make for an interesting thread though. AIBU to waft through Sainsburys and be happy?

When there is a huge queue in the Dog Kennel Hill Sainsbury's just before Christmas, do not leave your mother in the queue with one small item in her hand and then re-appear 20 mins later just as she is at the checkout with an enormous trolley of shopping and blithely push past everyone pretending it is either HER shopping or joint shopping. Because we all saw her pay for her one item and you pay for the trolley load.

It is called PUSHING IN - however much Boden clothing you are wearing.

Got that? Woman with dyed blonde hair and navy jecket? (at least your mother had the sensitivity to look a bit embarrassed when you were called on it, you just did high status patronising 'I'm sorry that you believe it is pushing in, but that is not my view')

Phew - that feels better!

All of these rules should be stuck IN LARGE PRINT on the door of every supermarket!

Can I please add:

If you enter the supermarket with 2/3/4 children please make sure that you ensure you have the appropriate number of children with you during your shop. I am sick of seeing young children destroying the toy aisles whilst their parents are miles away shopping in peace.

Please think carefully before allowing your over-indulged brats children to skateboard/rollerskate/scooter around a tiny local supermarket with narrow aisles. Or at least do not have the fucking brass neck to let them do the above and then glare at innocent shoppers who have to push very very very slightly past them to get to their desired aisle/products.

Thank you.

YANBU

Can I add:

Please do not stand on one side of the aisle surveying the available produce on the other side of the aisle and then tut when I walk between you and the shelf, blocking your view of the butter bean selection for all of half a second. If constant line of sight on said legumes is that important to you, stand on the legume side of the aisle.

Two words.

Internet shopping

My BIL once wrote a letter to his local Tesco seriously asking them to ban retired people from shopping on a Saturday morning so that people who work during the week could shop without hassle. They did not reply.

when you stop dead in a crowded supermarket and I bump into you, don't fucking whinge that I didnt apologise when the first words outta my mouth were "oh I'm sorry"

Oh also, look when you are backing out your car!! You are all bankrupting me with get well cards etc, my mate who collects trolleys has been run over 3 times now

Indieskies - I think my response would have been "well your view can be the view from the back of the queue" as I blocked her way with my trolley.

YANBU. I would like to add:

Do not allow children under the age of 12 to push the trolley. Little arms do not push at a reasonable pace or skill level and I shoppers do not take kindly to having their ankles battered.

Do not take a trolley load through the baskets only till. Even if it is a smallish trolley load.

Well what about this then. A woman once left her child to queue up/keep a space for her whilst she went about her shopping. Came back with a bloody trolley full to the brim too

verysmellyeli DB had his pre-christmas sainsburys order just cancelled on him before with no notice, they waited in and everything. SIL reckons it mighta been because theyres was a small order (only 2 of them) and they didnt have time so they dropped it. I've also had tesco show up with only 1/3 of my shopping many times.

So internet shopping doesnt always work!! sometimes we have to brave the aisles :(

If you say excuse me because you want to pass, give me more than a nano second to react and move before barging ahead.

If I am waiting for someone in front of me to move, saying excuse me will not magically make them disappear.

Someone behind the OP had started putting their items on the belt before the OP had emptied her trolley. It was shocking

That's ok if there's space to do it at the back of the belt, still leaving sufficient space for the person infront to finish.

LadyClariceCannockMonty I once saw a small girl with a skipping rope in my nearest Sainsbury's.

Who, just who on earth thinks letting a child take a skipping rope to a crowded supermarket is a good idea?

She was actually skipping along the aisles...

Mandy What if you only have 5 items in a trolley but you are unable to carry a basket for whatever reason?

Surely that is then allowed?
As long as it is only a few items, or even a basket in a trolley?

Oh, and also a little word of advice to supermarkets: when I excellent high-spending regular customers write to you to raise concerns about the number of enormo-buggies being piloted around/left standing in said narrow aisles, causing pile-ups, tailbacks, and the need to basically navigate the tiny supermarket like a Territorial Army obstacle course, consider responding with something other than the both barking and patronising suggestion that I shop between 10am and 3pm on weekdays to avoid said fucking buggies. This may be news to you, but some people work during those hours.

Again, thank you.

Mandy?

5 items in a trolley is acceptable. A trolley load which would not fit into a basket isn't imo.

AllGoodNames.

I shall be ignoring your rule about letting young children help with the scanning in self-check out. My DD loves helping. And seeing as how maintaining a sense of humor is also one of your rules I fully expect your cooperation and understanding. Thanks.