to ask you all to follow a few guidelines in the supermarket?

[MardyBra]

If you meet someone, please do not block up the whole aisle with your trolleys at a 45 degree angle, while you chat to them. If you do, do not be surprised if I accidentally run into your trolley.

If you are dithering over which variety of hummous to buy, please do not block access to all other hummouses by parking yourself and your trolley in front of the display and then refuse access to other hummous buyers who know exactly which type they want to buy. (Ditto olives)

If you are self scanning, you do not need to locate the bar code on every item. Just waving it vaguely in the direction of the code reader will usually suffice.

Please do not allow young children to self-scan while there is a queue with me in it behind you. Older children may be permitted to self-scan if they have completed advanced scanning technique tuition.

If you are particularly dithery, please consider shopping at off-peak hours (between 9pm and 8am ideally).

Above all, maintain a sense of humour.

If we all follow the guidelines, we should all have more spare time to hang out on and MN and have a better quality of life.

Thank you.

If you went at least to primary school, chances are you should be able to count to 10. Use this valuable lifeskill in any fast aisles (especially during the valuable working day lunch hour) to not turn up in those aisles with 25 items and then look naive/innocent/ when the assistant gently points it out.

Especially if you have bought some 3 items for the price of 2 stuff and then decide you'd like to engage the services of ANOTHER assistant to get you some haslet instead of breaded gammon, for the sake of argument.

I HATE people who can't count. If things were that dire, take your existing DC with you who must by now have learnt to count through CBeebies/ Sesame St..........

MrsT - that happened to my friend who works at a supermarket too... the driver didn't realise even after they'd pinned him to a wall and drove off leaving him there!

Still have the twat of the year award for that driver available, should they wish to collect.

Re: internet shopping, remember not to rely on it if it snows people! Because history says they'll have no problem not turning up.

Apologies Mardy I must learn to read.

Sounds fair enough, I would send people with full trollies away!

Banana How old is your DD and does she take forever, get distracted, drop items, do it wrong and generally hold other people up?

If children love helping so much buy them a till and they can scan away at home without slowing others down.

If you are not tall enough to reach something on top shelf of chiller section, please ask nearest tall person/member of staff to get for you; do not stand on lowest shelf with dog poo and all sorts of possibilities on your shoe.

What about the shop itself? Dear supermarket that opens at 4pm on Sundays and is mobbed until closing againg at 9 - please stack the shelves BEFORE opening. If this is impossible train the 11 yearolds you employ to 1 - move whan asked the first time so I can reach the youghurts and 2 - not to give me dirty looks for trying to actually take something from said shelves and sighing like Kevin & Perry.

Oh and while I'm here - the small kiddy trollies are NOT cute and adorable they are the work of Satan with a hangover and those who allow the wee angels push them need locking up, or at least banning from civilised places. Which supermarkets aren't...so I have no case to make here I suppose....

I try and use Internet and the local street market, I am too delicate/grouchy for regular supermarkt visist.

Whoops Barkis I am guilty of that one

Although I can reach most things so it's only when they are really far back on the top shelf and I tend to jump to reach, if not step on the lower shelf.

I will go and sit in the naughty corner for 5 minutes whilst learning the error of my ways.

I do that too!

And when you abandon your trolley in the middle of the car park because you are too lazy to take it back to the trolley collection point would you mind not leaving it slap bang in the last available parking space so I have to jump out the car quickly and take the flaming thing back before I can use the space. Thanks.

sportsfanatic I sometimes leave the trolley in the middle of a parent a child space.

I know its wrong but after all the threads on here it makes me happy

banana Just wondered if you could explain just how a child holding up a queue is humorous?

sportsfanatic at least you are spared the curse of never having a quid for the trolley if people are leaving them all over the carpark.

I know internet shopping isn't the panacea but I do so love it since having children who scream in checkout queues and fortunately haven't had too many problems, apart from one Asda order that never made it into the store off the computer.... But the snow did scupper last Christmas's internet order somewhat.

I suppose what I'm saying is that doing it regularly online for the basics makes me happier to browse for luxury items.... (hummuses etc.)

Although I acknowledge that as you are an ancient malicious cow older person I should show you some respect, perhaps you could do the same by not shoving my trolley, containing my ten week old baby out of your way. I was actually pushing it and as a polite person am capable of moving a trolley to allow people to go past, you don't need to seize the other end and hurl it aside, ripping the trolley out of my grasp, tearing my fingernail, bouncing the trolley off the fridge cabinets and frightening my sleeping child.

Nice blue eyeshadow, btw - did you apply it with your thumbs?

Ah - are you the phantom hummous loiterer verysmelly?

I have discovered the elusive half-hour window that exists in our local supermarket between the insanely early-rising elderly people leaving and the hordes of pre-schoolers arriving. If I drive really, really fast after the nursery run and charge round the supermarket at a run I can actually get in and out without being at risk of throwing a butternut squash at someone's head in a pregnant, hormonal rage.

Please move your trolley forward so that I can start loading my food on to it rather than blocking the whole thing making me wait until you have paid you nobber.

Indeed - because I have smugly stocked up on the basics via the power of t'internet, this leaves me plenty of time to blockade myself in front of the hummous/olives, as I have literally all day to choose.

start loading my food onto the conveyor belt. Duh

How about if you're of a certain age and obviously middle class you don't have the right to constantly barge into other shoppers and then give them filthy looks in m and s food.

And another thing..

[on a ranty roll now]

...if you want to stand in the aisle tutting and shaking your head and chuntering with your friends about all the children "running wild" in the supermarket, and pondering "where is the disclipine", you really can't logically then chunter about the fact that I am carrying a toddler on my back in a sling, thus preventing him running wild, and yes the bloody well did have "those contraptions" "in your day" as it is a piece of fabric and unless you are a million years old, they definitely had pieces of fabric in your day.

Equally, don't then whinge and tut at the poor, harassed woman who has given her screaming, tantrumming toddler an ultimatum and is following through on it by removing her from the shop. You know that "where is the disclipline" question you asked ten seconds ago. There it is! Right there - there's the disclipline!

In short, if you have nothing pleasant to say about anyone in the shop, bugger off home and whinge about us out of earshot.

What's the etiquette regarding stealth commando raids on other people's trolleys? A dear bitch of the first water lady in Morrisons yesterday snaffled put the one and only reduced danish pastry pecan and maple syrup swirl in her trolley, having blocked my access to it with said trolley. I sent my DCs in hot pursuit and they kept her under surveillance and shadowed her up and down the aisles, keeping me informed of her whereabouts at all times. Eventually, I emerged from the beers, wines and spirits as she emerged from birdseed muesli and cereals and there it was, my prize, right before my eyes. Sadly, the dear soul queen bitch was too fast for me and was in the queue, through the checkout and away, taking the goodies with her may she choke on it although she did sort of twitch a bit when no4 son (4) exclaimed loudly in ringing tones "that lady has your cake mummy, shall we grab it for you?" and she walked a bit faster.
Should I have just
a) knocked her down at the pastry display and grabbed it before it hit the floor
b) let the DCs distract her and snatched it stealthily from her trolley
c) said "OIO Bitch, that's MINE and removed it by force from her hand
d) bought the identical but full price pecan plait that DH had had in his hand the whole time, and that I in my righteous rath and thirst for vengeance and pastry had missed ?

kungfu

So annoying! I have been known to say to the tutters 'perhaps it would be best if people with children didn't ever leave the house, so that they didn't inconvenience you?' or even 'Do you have children? Poor them.'

I think certain people of a certain age have very short memories......

Can we also ban musical instruments?

Directed mainly at the mother of a little sod princess who seemingly thought she was merrily entertaining the shoppers in waitrose by blasting on a recorder at tuneless 3 second intervals.

Though my 6 year olds are very efficient scanners at the self serve checkouts. Perhaps we need a self scanning licence introduced for younger shoppers?

There is probably a parallel thread on Gransnet titled: AIBU to get upset by some whippersnapper with a trolly load of pombears getting her kids to stalk me through Morrisons for a reduced pastry, when one of her children had already got his grubby fingers round a full priced pastry?