To actually not be able to stand it when mum and mother in law call my DS their baby?

[Ohnoredundo]

I just need to check that I'm not going insane as this AIBU does seem petty in the extreme. My mum and MIL call my DS their baby. I wouldn't even be as upset if they said 'our' baby. I've just come hom from MIL and she must have said "how's MY gorgeous boy" about five times - and to me it seemed the more I was becoming clearly annoyed the more she was doing it. I realise this all sounds ridiculous - I just wanted to check this wasn't PND and if it would upset other people.

There is something very wildlife doc about it. When dd was tiny if I could have growled at anyone who came near her I would have.

Exactly, exoticfruits - this is where this sort of behaviour leads if it's indulged too much.

OP - go with your feelings now if you need to, but hopefully this thread has opened your eyes. Of course you baby is precious to you, that's lovely and normal.

But do also take on board what people are saying, you don't want to turn into one of those clingy, needy, possessive 'my little prince' Mums - you won't do yourself or your relationship with your child any favours. Kids pick up on things, and certainly, when grown, look back with adult understanding and I know I'd far rather my children viewed me as someone secure in my love for them with faith in everyone else in our family who loves them to have their own, separate ties and bonds.

To put it into perspective, if you tell your 14 yr old DS that you nearly fell out with his grandmother because she called him 'my baby'-he will give you an uncomprehensible look and fail completely to understand it! If Grandma happens to be around at the same time they will probably look at each other above your head and raise their eyebrows at each other.

totally BelQ. And it's not just Mums. Some Dad's are like that too. Just instinct mixed with hormones.

My mum calls ds her best boy and when he says mummy she has been known to say yes wee man. She seems to stop this as she began to get what are you on granny looks

I think it is fine. Grannies prob see it like an extension of their kids.
Wait until we are grannies and we will prob do the same.

Glad this didn't develop into a bunfight! Been thinking about it ever since someone posted Kahlil Gibran, which I love.

Reminded me of My Mother Myself, in which it is suggested that the more love a mother can give a baby in her first year the better, whereas the more freedom a mother can give a baby to explore and be loved by others in her second year, also the better.

I think that a baby does 'belong' to its mother when very small. They were recently one unit and they both 'need' each other. The separating will be beginning, but a little anxiety at the early stage is normal I say.

Very wise Saturdays girl. I hope when he turns one I can start to step back a bit and be less weird about things. This really is not a real problem and I feel quite ashamed as there are real things to worry about. Just a little annoying thing that is irritating me.

dont feel ashamed at all OP.

this is exactly what mumsnet is for.

and youre not alone. its quite natural when youre a new mum. someone said something about growling at people when theyre near their baby - that made me laugh. its so true.

also, someone said something about "cant believe this thread is still going, thought OP was having a laugh..." OP isnt actually saying much. its other people that are going on and on (like me) and being very harsh on her (not like me)

peace out! :o

I agree with you OP about the "my baby" thing, it would ping a little defensive part of me if they kept saying it. "My lovely boy" etc wouldnt bother me, but theres something a bit encroaching on mother tiger territory about calling someone else's baby "my baby". I would never dream of saying it to someone else's baby EVER, and find it a really odd cringey thing to say!

Is there anything else going on with mum/mil. My mil has already told me i have to dress my baby in white until it is christened (pre conception advice, good to know!) so maybe I'm seeing the comment in that context of needing to ward off a dominance attempt by another female!

I think that every new mother should be given Kahlil Gilbran, especially

'They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.'

And hand out again when people get all possessive.

Loving MIL/DM: Hows my baby?
Me: He's fine thanks, arn't you DH?

It got to me at the beginning.

Good old Prophet- spot on again!

Hopefully DH will look at his mother and say 'don't mind her-she's a bit hormonal'

I know this post is basically over but I just had to come on and say "huh?"

I call my nephews and nieces "my beauty" or "my lovely boy" and I love them as dearly as if they were my own because a) they are lovely and b) I love them. In fact I actually do view them as in part mine in a funny way because if anything happened to my sisters and BILs, I would be their parent. We (sisters) obviously don't tread on each other's parenting toes but I would happily raise theirs and they would happily raise mine. Ditto my mum and my dad. For your MIL your baby is "hers" because its her baby's baby.

Seriously, it's a sign of love and you have to question your own levels of reasonableness if it gets on your nerves that someone in your family expresses love for your child.

Plus look on it as good practice. You will need to share your babies as they grow. I am already dreading mine having girlfriends/boyfriends, leaving home etc (they are 5 & 2) but it's my job as a parent to let others love them as they grow and gradually to give up my "ownership" of them until one day they love someone else much more than me. And then the only way I'll get to call someone "my baby" again is if one of them gives me a grandchild. And I'll be "my baby"ing that child all the way.

well margo, despite you knowing how that can annoy, rightly or wrongly, new tired mums, thats not very nice of you to declare that - that youll be "my baby"ing all the way. why would you knowingly want to risk annoying your dil at such a precious and vulnerable time?

what i take from all this is that i would like to think that when im a mil i would support my dil in anyway i can, not be OTT with the new baby and not make it all about me.
equally i would hope to at least get a look in once a week (pre arranged) and perhaps a call from my son every other day for an update on how mum and baby are doing.

"I realise this all sounds ridiculous "

yes it does.

She isn't saying 'you are my son' she is saying 'my baby' as in 'the baby that I love'. And whatever she says it doesn't change the reality.

Not read whole thread yet, but to me, saying 'my baby' doesn't mean ownership or claiming possession. I say 'my husband' and what I mean is he is married to me as opposed to anyone else. I would say 'my baby' meaning that they are mine rather than the children of someone else's family. I doubt your mum and mil mean that your ds is theirs as opposed to yours, only that he is a child of their family unit.

I'd try to let it go.