To actually not be able to stand it when mum and mother in law call my DS their baby?

[Ohnoredundo]

I just need to check that I'm not going insane as this AIBU does seem petty in the extreme. My mum and MIL call my DS their baby. I wouldn't even be as upset if they said 'our' baby. I've just come hom from MIL and she must have said "how's MY gorgeous boy" about five times - and to me it seemed the more I was becoming clearly annoyed the more she was doing it. I realise this all sounds ridiculous - I just wanted to check this wasn't PND and if it would upset other people.

.....i don't think you would encounter it in a normal family situation because people who are being sensitive to each others feelings don't pick up someone's PFB and claim it as their own. as you don't know the ops mother/MIL, how do you know that the situation was not one which showed a lack of respect for natural maternal feelings?

'our baby' is acceptable because it recognises the family/ group aspect. (our kid being a common expression for younger family members)

Thats lovely bruffin.

I have a friend whose mum never, directly addressed her DS. It was always just 'he' or 'could you move your child' kind of thing. It was like she couldn't even bear to say his name.

Now that is something to worry about.Your odd OP.

"..i don't think you would encounter it in a normal family situation because people who are being sensitive to each others feelings don't pick up someone's PFB and claim it as their own."

No people in normal situations actually understand that "my" doesn't mean they are trying to take ownership of said baby away from the mother.

Exactly, bruffin. Well put.

Trills... They're nobodies babies but they belong in the family. Therefore, whoever in the family says 'my' baby is not being out of line.

How am I jealous of someone else's love of DS? I just object to others calling him 'their baby'. I love that they love him - just find this irritating.

YANBU - it used to wind me up too when my mum, dad and MIL did it. What really got my back up though was when it was combined with comments about wanting to keep my DD with them when we had to go home after visits. These suggestions were of course not serious and I knew that but I still felt very defensive.

For me, I think it was related to feeling total amazement that this perfect little creature was my child and I was therefore very sensitive to any suggestion that she belonged to someone else even though I knew, as you do, that this was silly. As someone said up threat I am sure this is instinctual and rooted in evolution.

They still do it now, but it annoys me a lot less now my DD is older and I am more used to being a mum.

Well suck it up, buttercup. That's families for you. There's nothing you can do or say that wouldn't create bad feeling, so don't, please, for the baby's sake.

Oh I'd never say anything. I just find myself becoming spiky and I don't like feeling like that.

Bufster - you've summed it up exactly.

TBH I wish my XMIL did have nothing to do with dd but that's a different story.

It annoyed me too with my first (long time ago!) until I mentally fast forwarded to when I might be a granny. My genes would be in that baby too so to a larger or lesser extent it would be my baby. Not in that it came from my body but ykwim.

It apparently, so I'm told, takes a village to raise a child (not sure where my village was as we don't have any relatives close by but that's besides the point) which on a family level means that the baby is part of everyone in that family and partly their responsibility if they're decent people.

Being a lot further down the line from babies as I have teenagers, and knowing what I know now about those days I think I would be quite relieved that a little of the weight was being taken from my shoulders.

So, in summary ( ) YABU because you will one day probably feel that your grandchild is yours to some extent but YANBU because I think you're overthinking it, as am I

Jeez stuff like this makes me hope DS is gay so I don't end up with a DIL from hell... unless DD is gay!!! Then I'm screwed lol!

My mum sometimes calls Ds her little boy, I think it is sweet.

And PMSL @Nanny's little sunshine, Kladkaka, does your DD get embarrassed over that, sweet when she was little, but I imagine less so for her now

YANBU. Some of the responses have been ridiculous. Saying that it's not your baby, it bloody well is your baby. I do think it would annoy me if they were trying to undermine your role as the mother e.g 'is my baby hungry/tired' etc, but general terms of affection like 'my wee man/best girl' are fine.

And to try to guilt trip the OP for still having her mother is really unfair. I lost my mother 2 years ago, and of course it's awful that she wasn't here for me having my first child, but the OP is still allowed to be annoyed at her own mum sometimes.

whathellcall I take a big exception to your claim that people were "trying to guilt trip OP for still having their Mum" - it was me that first mentioned this and it was in no way intended to do this - just a simple fact - I do wish my Mum was still here to call my sons hers - or am I not allowed to say that eh

No-one has said shes not allowed to be angry at her Mum for goodness sake but to get annoyed about people that care about her son saying "my baby" is just plain daft.

Just be thankful you won't end up with me kara not only am I the DIL from hell but I am 'the worst mother in the history of all mothers'. Yet people winder why I dislike XMIL .

Funnily enough I get on great with my now MIL.

I too think OP is getting a hard time. Its not as if she has done anything she jst feels uncomfortable which is not something you actually chose to do.

Whenever my mom would say "how's my baby?" I'd respond with a cheerful, "Oh I'm great, thanks! Would you like to hear how your grandson is doing?"

:o

Unless one or both of them has had some sort of mental breakdown and actually BELIEVES that ds is theirs I think you're being VU!

My MIL does this on a regular basis and when I first had DS after very difficult birth and feeling a bit hormonal it really pissed me off! I did speak to her and she still carries on so I normally reply as such:

Mil - "How's my little boy?"
Me- "he's fine, do u want to talk to him?"
MIL- "Oh yes!"
Me hands phone to DH and laughs.

I now think yes I may be a bit U but tbh its my first baby and since I spoke to her about it she should really respect my feelings wether they are right or wrong. If it upsets you ask people not to. Baby is ur child. End of. explain that other comments "our baby" "my darling" etc are fine.

If it carries on laugh at it a lot and reply with your son is fine, so is mine etc and treat yourself to a glass of wine that evening!

:)

ps know i'll prob be flamed but hey!

Sorry duck but it did come across a bit that way, obviously to the OP too when she responded 'Oh God. Now I feel just terrible.' Though I have now seen where you told her it wasn't a dig. I feel i'm missing out too not having my mum , but I do still get where the OP is coming from. I do think it's a bit nutty for anyone to say 'my baby' unless they're the parent. I don't have MIL issues by the way, mine is lovely and uses appropriate terms of endearment .

Kara -

I call most kids 'my' something or other - my best boy, my lovely girl, my best baby...

It's a term of affection - tis all. I don't actually think they are mine. It doesn't take anything away from their parents & I've certainly never noticed any bristling.

Maybe I've always been lucky - all my friends have always loved the relationships I have with their children and love that we are so close - I've been lucky to 'share' all of them.