To actually not be able to stand it when mum and mother in law call my DS their baby?

[Ohnoredundo]

I just need to check that I'm not going insane as this AIBU does seem petty in the extreme. My mum and MIL call my DS their baby. I wouldn't even be as upset if they said 'our' baby. I've just come hom from MIL and she must have said "how's MY gorgeous boy" about five times - and to me it seemed the more I was becoming clearly annoyed the more she was doing it. I realise this all sounds ridiculous - I just wanted to check this wasn't PND and if it would upset other people.

I totally know what you're saying re. him being a person not a possession. I just can't rationalise why I feel so annoyed by it but I do. It's pathetic I know.

I wish my Mum was alive to call any of my boys "hers".

Me too duckdodgers

Oh of course YABU. The wedding reference is a bit weird, but you are being really silly about the 'my baby' thing. It's very sweet. My mum and PILs do it, and it's lovely and just means they love my DCs. It's not insensitive, you're just being daft and reading more into it than there is there.

I really don't get why this even remotely is an issue, unless you are looking for something to be annoyed about? The only time I would ever think you had a point with this would be if, as others have stated, these family members were specifically saying "he's my baby and not yours". But since they're not, you're being ridiculous.

Oh God! Now I just feel terrible! I'm sorry your mums aren't here. I'd be lost without mine as much as she occasionally winds me up.

"I just can't rationalise why I feel so annoyed by it "

Maybe in order to get over it - that's exactly what you have to do!

You say it is "insensitive" - why? what is insensitive about it?

If you want to change the way you feel, you need to understand WHY you feel the way you do.

both insensitive twats he is your baby.

a phrase calculated to send you from nought to angry in under 3 seconds...

shows no regard for the ops feelings, does it?

me too.

TBH I read this forum and I just hink "K'in'ell, MILs cant do right for doing wrong" (apply that to any adult relative as it happens)

They're either too distant, or round too much. They don't help enough or they interfere. They are stand offish, or too vovcal with opinions.

Has anyone actually got a family they like? Or is everyone just ultra touchy?

waves arms in a sweeping generalisation

My MIL does this "How are my boys?" and it drives me insanse, I hate it.

I can see the point of view of other posters who think it's a term of endearment.

I think for me it bugs me because MIL and I have never had a good relationship and she is not close to my sons so for me it just seems insincere and frankly makes my skin crawl.

I find myself saying similar to my dgs, but he's 2 and it's a joke between us.

Me: "Ah, are you granny's baby?"

DGS: "No, me daddy baby."

I made a point of not saying "my baby" when he was smaller after reading a thread like this a couple of years ago.

I ask "How is my big boy?" when talking to my dog. I don't in any way want to claim I gave birth to him.

Did someone say ?

Im surprised it annoys me as much as it does when my own mother says it but it really does. I think MIL and mum have both crossed the line in terms of interfering before DS came along and that's why I'm being so ultra sensitive - almost like 'being a mum is one thing I'm doing my own way'. But the person who said he's not a possession is obviously totally right - and I'm very lucky that they are clearly obsessed with him as many GPs couldn't give a shit.

Am I right in thinking you don't come from an area where they say 'our Brian'?

Oh no I do. 'our' I wouldn't mind. It's the 'my' that grates.

Ohnoredundo honestly it wasn't a dig at you, but I would give anything for her to be here and say it, she used to about DS1 whos 18 and DS2 whos now 9, sadly she died when DS1 was only 10 and DS2 a baby. Didnt even get a chance to meet DS3.

Im sorry it annoys you so much but as previous posters have said you are lucky to have grandparents that care, I feel my boys have missed out on so much.

I think I felt like this when ds1 was born and MIL would do similar. I did feel very possessive over him but only with MIL. I made an effort to see this as a good thing, lots of people wanting to love him and be close to him and it did help. Now when she holds ds2 and says this kind of thing it doesn´t even cross my mind to take it the wrong way.

I called my great nephew "my gorgeous baby boy" this morning. I presume that's ok because I'm his great aunt not his paternal grandmother?

YABU.

Its a lovely term of affection, you should be glad they care as so many grandparents aren't bothered about their grandchildren.

I think these sorts of thread are sweet - the way it always seems to me is - female animal with young watches EVERYONE who handles her young!! The End!

Satursdaygirl - I feel exactly as you say! It's almost like it's an uncontrollable response. I don't want to be spiteful as I'm not (I hope) an awful person. But it's like an animalistic urge to say 'back off- he's our baby!'. It must be nature's way.

you certainly don't come across as an awful person I think saturdaysgirl is on to something there, it's not unusual to feel that way about your dc.

Trills, is that a universal list that all DILs and MILs are aware of and have approved?!

God, I dread the day I become a MIL - if I get any sort of DIL I will offend her no matter what I do.

OP - YANBU to be upset by this but you would be U not to get over it and see it for what it is pretty quickly, unless you want to spend the rest of your life seething pointlessly.

it is very insensitive to call another womans baby 'my baby' - it pushes all the wrong buttons - i seriously don't get why people are defending such a wanton act of social banditry.

Because a baby doesn't belong to one person, he belongs to a family.