To actually not be able to stand it when mum and mother in law call my DS their baby?

[Ohnoredundo]

I just need to check that I'm not going insane as this AIBU does seem petty in the extreme. My mum and MIL call my DS their baby. I wouldn't even be as upset if they said 'our' baby. I've just come hom from MIL and she must have said "how's MY gorgeous boy" about five times - and to me it seemed the more I was becoming clearly annoyed the more she was doing it. I realise this all sounds ridiculous - I just wanted to check this wasn't PND and if it would upset other people.

I call all 5 of my DGCs' "Nanna'a boy" or "Nanna's girl"....sounds a bit silly in the 3rd person,I know,but it fits and it feels right.
Their parents' (DD and DS) are my babies...but I don't call them that obviously,as they are 28 and 25

My dm and my nana do it all the time, it's never even crossed my mind to be annoyed about it. I'm just glad they both love them so much

When you got your DH, JAMW, he wasn't a foundling to join your family-you also got his family for life and you are equally part of it.
Your DC may be more like MIL in looks and character than anyone else in your family!
I do hope that what goes around comes around and those who have first and second class grandparents get put in second class place when their DCs have DCs.
It is a good job the DCs are nor as silly as the mothers and will know who their mother is! People seem to think other family members saying 'my' is going to confuse them! It really isn't. I'm sure this only happens with very insecure first time mothers, you wouldn't get it later on. It is completely unimportant and meaningless.

just checking in this morning with my cup of coffee, on any updates on this thread from last night.

i can tell there are a few mils on here being quite harsh to be honest to us dils.

now im all for my mil - now, it took time (tee hee), but if my mil's words were as bitter as some of you lot i dont think id be hanging out with her much.

just something to think about.

afterall, if at the end of the day we are all trying to get along and be happy, both women should compromise and take a look at their own behaviour and change the bits that annoy the other, whether you agree or not.

for example, i could tell that my mil just wanted more involved cause she loved her son/grandson so much. once i got over the harmlessness of her actions and comments (and once my husband set some boundaries in a very subtle respectful way) i was able to include her more and i as i said earlier i actually love her now.

she inturn now phones before arriving and is kind to me, not dismissive.

try it out people, it can be a lovely turn out.

Try it out?

Those of us saying just chill out and don't take a turn of phrase so seriously or literally probably already have just fine relationships with our MILs...

People need to get to know MIL long before they have a DC. Make a relationship and see her without DH. Once they are a friend, rather than someone they grudgingly put up, with they wouldn't have the problem.

well slinking im obviously not talking about you then if your relationship is fine with your mil, as is mine - now.

exotic - although i get your point and its an ideal plan, its not always possible.

me and my husband met and 3 months later were pregnant.
me and my mil did not know each other at all. she doted on her son and was desperate for 1st grandchild so i felt smothered by a women i didnt know!
but it has worked out in the end after several tense moments.
shes lovely (if a bit lonely and needy at times, bless her)

oops, that sounded patronising - really did not mean to sound that way. its just a fact but theres nothing wrong with her feeling like that, its whats made me feel actually quite maternal towards her. shes the type of granny whos done her bit and just wants to sit and be surrounded by her family. its sweet.

At least you accepted that she loved her DS and grandchild-some women seem to have no understanding that DH was her PFB and still is. Since the women with the problem are very PFBish themselves it shouldn't take much imagination to know that you don't just snap out of it one day!

what does PFB stand for sorry? im relatively new to mumsnet.

This really wasn't intended to be a MIL bashing thread. Both my mum and MIL have been totally over the top since DS came along. I think it's cos they're are so used to be able to tell me their opinion that it's shocked them how much I don't want/need their advice/opinion with DS. I love them both and would be distraught if they ever thought I didn't. It's just I wish they could sometimes remember what it was like to be a first time mum.

YABU. It is just a way of expressing affection. Both my lovely PILs and my young SIL do this. I think it is lovely.

When I say 'my boy' or 'my baby' I don't mean 'I own you' or 'you love me more than anyone else' so why would I think that they do?

Personally, I think that the more people there are who love a child enough to call him 'my' anything, the better for that child. Raising a child is a cooperation between those who love him, not a competition.

After reading all your thoughts I now am thinking my weirdness is instinctive and I'm therefore letting myself off the hook.

ohnoredundo - you are spot on there, let yourself off the hook.
you're coming across very nice with a genuine, common little gripe.
youre not slating them, youre just venting on chat room.

kungfu - yes it is a cooperation to some extent. but the mother and father are in charge and that is the end of it basically.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

not being bossy to you, its just how i see it in my life. theyre my children - i raise them, pay for them, would die for them - im in charge. end of. but others most welcome in our life.

Wow, the lady who looks after my youngestvat nursery says aaah heres my boy and holds out her arms for him when we drop him off and I think it is fantastic and she us not even family. Just another person who likes him and cares about his welfare and, tbh, that simple habit makes it much easier for me to leave him there and go to work 3 times a week.

I think it is just a term of affection, used by middle ages women whose babies are grown up but they still remember what it is like to have a gorgeous snuggle baby around.

You mentioned that your relationship moved quite quickly and you are still getting used to being a mum, I'm sure it will settle down. Now for ds3 I am just grateful that there are people who love and care about him as much ad we do and can entertain him for a bit while I do chores!

And I have to say that as someone who also list a parent and whose in laws live abroad and are not really interested, I love it when my mum does the my baby my darling stuff, even though she can be extremely irritating in other ways, manifestation if her live for my children isn't one of them! YABU. more to do with your relationship with your new in laws? Mothers/Mils can drive you insane (mine do) but it seems a bit harsh to cane them for loving their gc, when so many aren't around or dont care.

Love not live

Hello our baby or hello my gorgeous grandson. Not hello my baby. I don't go around saying 'my baby' as I think it sounds too possessive and he is my baby!! Aww thank you trying! I did just need to come in, write it down and vent.

I really hope I can access this thread if DS ever has children as a reminder of how touchy I've been. They would be my beautiful grandchildren not my babies.