To actually not be able to stand it when mum and mother in law call my DS their baby?

[Ohnoredundo]

I just need to check that I'm not going insane as this AIBU does seem petty in the extreme. My mum and MIL call my DS their baby. I wouldn't even be as upset if they said 'our' baby. I've just come hom from MIL and she must have said "how's MY gorgeous boy" about five times - and to me it seemed the more I was becoming clearly annoyed the more she was doing it. I realise this all sounds ridiculous - I just wanted to check this wasn't PND and if it would upset other people.

PFB=precious first baby, tryingtofigureitout. Of course every baby is precious, it should really be precious first time parent who wants total control over anyone who comes into contact with their baby.
The 'my' is meaningless, the baby doesn't belong to anyone-they are not a possession. You are honoured to be able to nurture a person for a very short time - and it isn't in their interests to squabble over a meaningless 2 letter word.

YABU to voice it but you can't help your feelings. My mom used to do this and I did not feel anything other than delight that she loved him as much as me.
I could see myself saying silly things like this and I just think you say things like that only when you are completely comfortable with people .I feel a bit sad that my daughter would be annoyed if I said that though.
I suppose if it upsets you that much you could make a joke of it and say but he is MY BABY !( and confess that it irritates you )

Of course the parents aren't in charge - in my view that doesn't need to stretch to dictating what terms of affection can be used by other family members.

One of DS's nursery carers uses a nickname for him that no-one else uses - someone once said 'oh they shouldn't do that - they should use the name you use". Why would I mind? That is part of their particular relationship and it doesn't affect my relationship with him.

A child's love isn't a finite resource - any affection between them and others takes nothing away from the relationship with their parents.

I just visualised telling my MIL to stop calling DS "my gorgeous boy" and I actually shuddered at the thought of the look of hurt on her face if I ever did that.

Does she repeatedly say 'my baby' though Kung Fu?

There are people who would take offence at 'hello gorgeous'! You really shouldn't have to tiptoe around on eggshells worrying about turns of phrase. I know a perfectly nice woman who talks about 'my babies' and everyone knows they are her grandchildren.
I have yet to meet a DC who thinks grandmother is the mother because she says 'my'.
Luckily in RL I don't know all these mothers who go on about my as if the baby is an ornament or object of some kind.

What common sense KungFu. I wonder why people are so insecure.

Yes - she calls him "my boy", "my gorgeous boy" etc all the time.

Why would that make a difference? If it is OK to say it once, it is OK to say it as many times as she likes.

I'm actually realising just how many people in DS's life do say "my" something or other. When his key worker opens the door at nursery she says "there's my boy". One of the other carers calls him "my pumpkin" for some reason. His great-grandmother says "my little boy", a couple of his great aunts say "my boy".

I think the only close relative who doesn't do it is my father with whom we have a courteous but not close relationship and who talks to DS as though he is a college professor. I would be pleasantly surprised if one of these days he greeted him as "there's my boy".

I shall of course take immediate offence, Everlong.

You would think OP would be pleased that she had so many people love her DC. How can you have too much love?
I would have thought it was nice for a DC to feel they are so special. Not have a jealous mother say 'he is only special to me'. Love is infinite-people seem to take the view that there is only so much and if they love grandma it has to be taken away from someone else!
I haven't a clue if people said 'my' when they were young-I doubt if I would have noticed.

Well I understand a bit. I have always had a strained relationship with my mil...dh has strained relationship with her too! It drives dh mad when they are at her house and someone phones or arrives at the house and she says "It's so noisy because my children are here" or "it's a mess because my boys and girls are here". I stress it annoys dh more than me! She never refers to them as her grandchildren and for some reason it just annoys dh. He has however never said anything.

It just sounds odd. My mum would say "The grandchildren are here" or "DD is here with her children". I have made dh realise it really doesn't matter!

I don't think it's a case of being possesive or not wanting your baby to be as loved as possible. And whoever said that comment about getting to know your MIL before you have kids is an IDIOT! Not every little bundle is planned for when you've been happily married and get on well with each others families!

My SIL and MIL have already taken it upon themselves to make decisions for DS, and I feel when they call him 'my baby' they are giving themselves self-assurance that he is theirs and I just worry in the future that now instead of changing the clothes I've put him in, they'll make big decsions like just giving him a mcdonalds (me and DP intend to raise him veggie like me, even though DP and his famiily eat meat).

Do some people sit up at night making lists of what to be offended about next?

Sad. And I mean that in the true sense of the word.

But seriously, can people not see the difference between general terms of endearment that use my, such as my girl, my wee man etc, which are lovely, and someone refering to someone else's child as their baby all the time, which is creepy and weird!

OP you sound lovely, and just needed a little rant for a minor irritation. YANBU.

And again, I do not have MIL issues, she is lovely, and as much as she loves my DS and shows him lots of affection, she does not try to behave as if she is his mother!

That's it, it doesnt matter.

They are going to do far more irritating, annoying and possibly dangerous things with him as time goes on, like try and give him food you don't want him to have, forget to do straps up, forget to close the stairgate etc, save your energy for that op!

And if they don't nd are sensible, helpful, can be trusted to look after him for a few hours while you go to the dentist, have a break etc, then you really should think yourself lucky to have 2 family members who love your son and are nearby and willing to help out. You will need it in the future, trust me.

I think you should focus on the big picture and try not to get hung up on this one thing that irrationally irritates you. My SIL fell out with my MIL because she gave her child a chip at the dinner table an it caused untold hurt and damage for years afterwards. They have only just started speaking again now. My MIL is exceptionally irritating in many ways but she didn't mean anything and knows now she should have asked. Not worth all the family fallouts imo

JAMW, have you considered that your DH may have the same opinion about your DM that you have about her own? How would you feel if he started spewing the kind of vile about your mum that you are about his? Women are not the only ones to have MILs... men have them too. And I really hope they are more respectful of them than most people in this forum are.

I even call some of my friends' babies "my baby"... And I am happy to say I have never encountered any who thought I was trying to take possession of the child. Perhaps I should say "hello, my friend's baby!" instead? For goodness sake, how bloody ridiculous and childish.

I am very conscious none of my friends' babies or my nephews are "mine". I am quite happy to give them back every time. However, after reading you ladies, I certainly hope I am not causing any offence and nobody feels "undermined" by my choice of words. Fortunately, my friends and my SIL are good natured, nice women who recognize the phrase "my baby" or "my boy" as what it is: a show of love for their children.

It get on DHs nerves too. When my mum does it and his own. Just the 'my baby' thing - anything else is fine. Our baby is lovely. He actually said 'I'm here' the other day when it was said by his own mum, so clearly it was noted.

Cannot believe this thread is still going! The child has a loving extended family, the OP and her DH should be thankful not complain over something so insignificant, really cannot believe it, thought this was a windup at first but OP appears to be serious...

It's definitely a bit grating, but I don't think they mean it literally.

My mum (mum, not mil) is doing this about my yet to be born baby. I couldn't care less what else she called him but 'my baby' makes me feel really annoyed! Don't know what mil will call him yet as she pretty much stopped speaking to me when I married her son. After I had a great relationship with her for years before I hasten to add.

It's taught me that when I'm the grandma I will not say it to my children cos I wouldn't want to make a pregnant woman/ new mum feel stressed! :)

I just worry in the future that now instead of changing the clothes I've put him in, they'll make big decsions like just giving him a mcdonalds (me and DP intend to raise him veggie like me, even though DP and his famiily eat meat).

I can't see why you are even bothering about it. Why would you let them make decisions? You are the mother, it is up to you.
When he is little you can bring him up however you like and ignore them. When he gets older he will make own decisions anyway, which is why I hate the my. The parent can guide ,but you can only choose for yourself once they get to a certain age-their thoughts are up to them.