Hello all, Just a quick update.
I wanted to respond to all the points made, but don't have the time to do so. What I will say is that no, I don't accept the accusations being made re me being 'entitled, spoilt, selfish' etc. as I know that isn't who I am or how I act. I can take all the posts, good and bad, as I'm not upset by people feeling I am something I am not, so although I've had a bit of a 'pasting' it's not something that's upset me hugely. I knew posting in AIBU would attract those kinds of posts, so it's not all that surprising. I've a tough exterior, so I can hack it!
Anyway, what I will respond to is the suggestion that I am somehow impeding my parents' retirement dreams and plans, and denying them the retirement they have always dreamed of. Pardon me for saying it, but that's utter bollocks. 
My dad still works, and needs to give some notice for his own employer/boss to take time off and 'whisk' my mum away. It's not my job or circumstance that on it's own prevents them from having that freedom - my dad's own job does that too. Had he spoken to me at the same time he put his own holiday request in with his boss, there wouldn't have been a problem. I can keep a secret, and would have been happy to go along with the 'surprise' for my mum, if he'd just thought to speak to me 1st. His trouble is he likes to be seen as the 'big hero' and thinks that he doesn't have to answer to anyone. I don't expect him to answer to me, but in this situation, he unfortunately does need to speak to me 1st so I can make alternative arrangements for childcare. It's a basic break down in communication IMO, and that's what I have now sorted with him. There is also the fact they are not restricted from jumping in their car and buggering off on a saturday, or get the train, or a flight, on any day other than a friday. To suggest I've killed the romance, or the whimsy of being able to just up sticks and go anywhere, is again, utter bollocks. The only restriction here is the package my dad saw, that only left on a friday. Anything else, and the options are pretty much unlimted, is fine. Even this package, if my dad had spoken to me at the same time he requested his holiday, is do-able. I don't begrudge them their getaways at all, and have tried to come up with an alternative that would mean they could get away on saturday, or the friday the week after but it's all on hold for now.
Also, the implication that I have pressured my mum, or both parents, into helping me in lieu of money I should otherwise be paying for childcare - again, utter bollocks! Our family situation is complex, with a bit of a sad history that makes this set up difficult for me personally. effectively, tehre is more pressure on me from ym parents thant there is by me to them. My DD is the youngest of 4 grand kids. My parents have been denied contact with the eldest 3 by my 'D'B and his fruitloop bitch of a 'wife' and the pain that caused them both affects how they are with my DD. And me. They spent years tip-toeing around both 'D'B and the psychobitch bending over backwards for them both, only for them to then chuck their toys out the pram when my DD came along. Their pain and guilt at losing their other GCs taints everything they do re my DD, and that's very difficult to get a balance on. Whenever I've taken a step back, to give them space, to not 'crowd' them, I get panicky phonecalls and texts, making sure I am OK and they will see DD. The both dote on my DD, and can't go more than a week without seeing her. That can get quite restricting for me but I know how keenly felt their pain is, and would never deny them when they want to see DD. I've seen 'entitled, spoilt and selfish' close up and I can categorically state that is not how I am or how I behave when it comes to my parents.
My mum loves being a gran, and loves being needed for DD, for all the above reasons. At times, she can get quite knackered, and when that has happened I take time off, or swap my days round, telling her I need the time off to do something etc. I've never told her it was for her benefit, as she gets quite annoyed with me suggesting that maybe DD was too much when she was still working. I regularly checked to see she was still OK with things, and still happy to continue with the arrangement, and she always, always confirmed she was. My mum's conversations at work were all about DD, and the funny thigns she did or said when she collceted her on a friday. My DD is a huge source of entertainment for my mum, and everyone she worked with probably knew DD inside out due to how much my mum talked about her. My mum gets so much from her time with DD (and it's more precious to her now because of what's heppened in the past) that I cannot simply say, things don't work, I'll sort other childcare. It would cause a massive blow out and a lot of hurt. As I've said, I never used to rely on my parents for childcare, and was never keen to go down that route initially. But, my mum was keen to help me, as she knew I was struggling with the transition from nursery to school, and I also knew that it meant a lot to my mum to be able to do this. It was 1 afternoon a week, and was a massive help to me when things were incredibly difficult. My ex was supposed to be taking 1 day pick up per week, but backed out at the last minute. My CM almost folded up her business just before school started as she lost mindees, and was struggling to get other business in. I didn't want to use ASC as I felt my DD was too young when she first started school, and at the time I didn't have a clue where to find any ASC. I was pretty much screwed, and my mum came to my 'rescue'. It was never going to be a permanent thing, only supposed to be a help while I sorted other cover out, but my mum enjoyed it, and loved it, and it eventually became a permanent set up. And it isn't a permanent set up anyway as life is never constant. It does leave me vulnerable, but the plus side to this set up, for my DD and both my parents is worth it IMO. The only real curve ball has been the sudden loss of the fantastic flexibility I previously enjoyed at work coupled with my dad not really thinking his 'surprise' through to consider my mum's committment to picking up DD, and thinking to speak to me about it. And not to ask, but to tell me to sort out something else as it's not my place to dictate to them ignoring the implication of my thread title
So, after this lenghty rambling, the latest update is that I did speak to my boss earlier today and he has confirmed that in order for me to be allowed to change my work pattern from a long friday to 2 short days on the thurs/fri to cover this scenario, he will need as much notice as I can give him, but at the very least, a minimum of 2 weeks. That's workable from my POV, as my dad needs at least that from his own work too. And, I've been pretty blunt with my dad to tell him he needs to talk to me and let me in on things as it does affect me too. That might seem selfish or entitled to some, but that's up to you. I know I'm not, so ner ner ner ner ner! I'm also exploring other options re the spur of the moment kind of childcare that this situation would need. I'll be making sure both DD and I are both happy with whoever I find, before I need to use them.
So, I hope this answers everyone's q's, and anyone who has asked somethign I haven't answered, sorry.